The weather is as cold as I feel lol! It’s totally opposite anyway. Today is my day! Yey I can’t imagine how time flies so fast. I never thought that I would reach at this age knowing that I’m a suicidal woman. Yes, you read it right! Luckily, God didn’t allow it to happen. I am now 22!
Two years I’ve been dealing with my depression which leads me to do the things that I shouldn't have done in the first place. I was out of nowhere thinking that no one will be there for me. Crying every night to lessen the pain that was burning inside of me.
When I was in this situation, I was a woman who’ll willing to accept everything, whether a person that I met hurt or loved me, I didn't care at all. I’m sick of it! People come and go, so whatever happens duh! That’s it! My life sucks!
Even if my family doesn’t know about this, why would I tell them? First and foremost I don’t want them to be worried nor think of me most of their time. I guess this is my responsibility so I have to find a way to get rid of it if and only if I want to. I mean I'm already used to it! This isn’t new to me.
No one gives me the reason to live, or I should say I didn’t see the most valuable reason for it. I was blinded by my feelings that all I care is myself or did I? It seems like I was living in the dark world, no colors at all, no lights and no life. How’s my life? Well, obviously it is as lifeless as a cold body lying in the coffin.
Thinking about how boring, right? Gez! That’s way killing myself can’t shrugged off my mind, either slicing off my wrist or hang myself up. That’s the things that have been running through my head for 2 years. It’s kinda long, isn't it?
Yes! I did it! I cut my wrist many times but luckily it didn’t save my life. The thick blood that was flowing through my arms didn't scare me at all. All I was thinking is my eagerness to live in this unfair world I live in.
Tired, that’s what I always feel, can I rest for once? Can I sleep without waking up? Can someone tell me that “everything will be okay”. Can I lean on someone? Can you be my crying shoulder? I’m freaking tired!
When I thought that no one cares, there you came. My knight and shining armor who’s willing to listen to all my dramas in life. A person who never gets tired of telling me how beautiful the world is. A man who keeps on reminding me that he will never leave me nor hurt me. He promised to love me forever. I put my trust in him co’z I believe what he says. From then on, I am now the happiest woman in the world.
Oh I got it! I got my man now who brings joy to my lifeless world, who colors my dark place, who loves me more than I ever thought.
This would be my article today, as I have to prepare the things needed for our simple yet memorable celebration of mine. We actually got a double celebration as today is our 46th Monthsary. Yey! Cheers for my 22 years in this beautiful world and cheers to us Love. Thank God for allowing me to live in His place. May the Lord bless me more and to you my dear readers.
To my beautiful and handsome likers, upvoters, commenters, sponsors thank you for dropping by. Y’all appreciated!
Lead image: Pinterest.com
Happy birthday dear Sis. I'm feeling blessed that you didn't give up. I also once tried to suicide , I cut my wrist too but I couldn't do that thing in a right way that's why I'm still surviving. I just hope those people who are surviving, fighting and suffering from depression can get more hope to live an love their life.