Unrealistic Expectations, IV.

In case you missed the first, second and third posts, you can catch up with them here:

Unrealistic Expectations, I.

Unrealistic Expectations, II.

Unrealistic Expectations, III.

This is the last part of the series.

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We need to understand that everyone has their life and no one owes us anything. If they freely give to us, it is out of the kindness of their hearts and not because they are obligated to. Relationships expose our vulnerability which is why we need to filter those we allow into our lives.

What are the ways that we can nurture the relationships we have in our lives?

1 Take ownership of your relationship:

You take ownership of your relationship by protecting it. Whatever you own, you have to protect it because what you don’t protect sometimes can be damaged or affected one way or the other. Protect the people you care about. Protect those you have in your life that mean a lot to you. The growth of my family means a lot to me and this is why I would never allow anyone to come around and mess it up.

2 Learn to give something back:

The benefit of a relationship is expected to be mutual. You need to learn how to respond in kind to whatever you have received too. That is what a relationship is all about. You don’t just be at the receiving end all the time while taking the other person for granted. There must be something you are bringing to the table too.

You don’t live by just breathing in and not out, do you? Can you imagine anyone who lives by just breathing in and the person won’t exhale? It is unhealthy. You need to learn to give as much as you are receiving.

3 You must be discerning:

You need to spot a rough diamond and gold in its rough state before being polished. You need to be able to sense value-adding relationships and surround yourself with them. It is very important that in every kind of relationship, you have to be sensitive.

Stop judging people based on their looks. Stop writing people off so quickly without giving them a chance and stop judging people before you get to know them. Be discerning and sensitive too.

I heard about a lady that turned down a guy because she said the guy has mouth odour. If you truly love this guy, why not help him and teach him how to get rid of the odour that occurs sometimes. You know when you have been quiet for long; it is easier for your mouth to smell a little. She could have recommended gum, mouth wash or some mints to the guy, but she blasted the guy and sent the guy away.

The issue is, we always approach most relationships with the idea of receiving. If she had viewed the relationship with a different mindset of giving or helping, maybe she would have been with that guy longer; if not as a lover but at least, as a friend. She judged him too quickly because of the odour and failed to smell the potential this young man has.

A few months after she rejected the guy, he got an appointment with an oil and gas company and he was sent to Dubai to start work. She went to a friend of hers that she narrated the story of the guy and she started crying that she sent someone who could have been his potential boyfriend away. This only buttressed my point that she was interested only in what she had to gain in the relationship rather than what she could have

given or the impact she would have had.

When you judge people too quickly, you have little time to love them, and you have cut yourself from seeing the best that can come out of them. Give some people the benefit of doubt and always seek to be of help.

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4 Be observant:

Most people only see with their eyes and not with their minds. So many people open their eyes wide and yet they don’t see anything. We need to be observant wherever we find ourselves. You can learn a lot from people without them saying anything. You can learn a lot from people and about people by mere observation.

You need to pay attention to details and have a heart that is teachable and is open to learning. A lot of people don’t like asking questions because they don’t want to be mocked for not knowing, but then if you can’t ask questions (which I feel is silly anyway) at least, you can learn by observation.

I have come across people that are so shy when it comes to asking for things. Some people don’t like being seen as naive especially when their ego is at stake. They would rather keep quiet rather than have others ridicule them especially when they know the people they have around them. With these kinds of people, they can learn by observation. They can learn by looking at how others are doing certain things. One thing I have come to learn about in life is that achievement can be reproduced; all I need to do is watch how you did what you did, devote the same time you have and with time, I will have what you have.

Relationships should be nurtured and we should never forget that some people come into our lives for a reason and in a particular season. We need to nurture the relationships that we know has the potential of adding value while shutting out those relationships that only cause more problem than good.

Shut out every unhealthy expectation, borne out of unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement. No one owes you anything in as much as it would be nice to have people being considerate to us. We should also learn to be considerate of others. It takes mutual benefit to sustain a relationship.

THE END.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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