She Is Not A Property.

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2 years ago

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A lot of people don't know most of the issues they have isn't tied to a spiritual problem but based on how they think. It's not new and I believe we must have heard that if we want to change our lives then we have to start to change how we think. You cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. Nobody hates you but you don't love yourself enough to effect the change that you need to get better outcomes.

I can believe in this time and age, a man would think a lady is a property that he can have in his house to do the things he can't do or to just be there for his amusement. I find it shocking that civilization hasn't caught up with many men yet. This is not about culture or anything but about doing things differently while still preserving our culture. No one asks you to be less of a man for the sake of civilization, I am only asking us to be better men while still making our women feel valued.

I had a video call with my big baby today (one of my numerous daughters, but this one is precious to me) and she told me how a guy has been asking to date her. She is still in school and this guy is way older than her. Of course, I have no issues with those who date someone younger or older, it's the ability to communicate while being completely free with the person that matters to me.

Many years ago, I asked a lady out and she was 7 years older than me πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ and she told me she couldn't because in her culture it would be frowned at and after I tried to convince her for a while and she didn't bulge we just stayed as friends. It hurts me that she is still unmarried to date and she jokingly chatted me up last year about how she is disappointed she allowed what people would think to get in the way of what she wanted.

A lot of time, we allow what others would say to affect what we want and that's a wrong approach because the truth is when you allow the fear of what people would say to get in the way of what you wanted, when you end up not getting what you wanted, these same people would be the same that would blame you for wasting too much time. I believe she had many younger people on her trail and she blew them off as she did with me. The thing is, we should do what we feel is best for us and stick to our choices without regrets. Our background somehow influences the choices we make and that's just life, so I can't blame her at all.

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So, let me get back to the story of one of my daughters. The guy has been asking her out and after she didn't bulge, this guy asked her to find someone for him, maybe her cousin or anyone that is ready for marriage because he is around 37 years old. That was the part that got me angry a bit because he is not just looking for someone to love but he is looking for just anybody because he feels age is no longer on his side. That's not the best way to choose a life partner because they would both look like desperate souls. There would be so many things that would be swept under the carpet all in the name of "Let's just get married" and marriage is tough on its own even with someone you have known for long, how much more those who felt age is no longer on their side and they just want to "be together".

There is this joke from many years ago and it says "Most marriage proposals we have these days started with, 'You are what?!?'" (Do you Gerrit? If you don't Gerrit forget abourrit). Many people get married because their girlfriend said she was pregnant. Some genuinely love themselves, no doubt but some just come together because she was pregnant without thinking of the future. Don't bother putting that child through a horrible divorce... You can both keep the baby but you don't have to marry. We all make mistakes... Who doesn't? I am more shocked about guys who get confused when the girlfriend mentioned that she is pregnant. Come on... You had sex without protection, what were you expecting, a plasma TV?

Most people make lifelong decisions based on their current realities and that shouldn't be the case. We need to reorientate ourselves and start thinking better. When we think better then our lives would go in that same direction where we can do better.

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What birthed that topic as you might be thinking the topic is not really in sync with what I have been saying... It's a build-up, don't mind me. So, this my daughter asked him what he expects in a woman and I was shocked to see the things he blurted out. He said he needed someone that can cook, that is good in bed, that can take care of their children and do house chores. I was forced to tell her to tell him what he needed should be:

1. A maid.
2. A prostitute or Friend with benefits.

Except he wants the maid to still warm his bed at night anyway. I am shocked by the way some men think and women are not properties you have to keep for your amusement and do the things you can't do. The choice to be a full-time wife should come from her and it's not something you have to impose on her. It should be her choice and if she chooses to be one it doesn't absolve you as a man to still help her out. You can't dump everything on her because she is human also just like you.

If that guy was my friend, I would have given him a dress down and who knows maybe that's why most ladies aren't with him because from the look of things, he prides in telling ladies what he wants from them and I am sure no reasonable lady would agree with those terms. Women have dreams, aspirations and goals... They want a life and they need someone to support that dream too and not drag them down.

Men, we need to do better and think better. We need to change our perspective, especially where women are concerned. I know culture and experience plays a huge part in how we see things but we can still do better.

Thank you for your time.

Kindly follow me on Noise.Cash... I am trying to engage more with people and connect with everyone with this account. I look forward to seeing you there... You can say hello to me there so we can get familiarized as well. Click here.

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2 years ago

Comments

A wonderful and insightful post @olasquare. A thoroughly engaging read. We need more men like you in this world, creating awareness and leading the way with respect for women as more than just chattels of old. Sadly in some cultures, women still do not have a voice... or a life to call their own. Although I follow you, I came to this post via Dreemport.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Thank you so much and I am so excited to read from you.

It's sad that women are still without voice in some culture and even here, in some tribes, I see how they are treated as though they are for amusement. It hurts.

Thank you so much for this.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I am so glad that she has you to turn to for advices. Or else she might fall to the wrong hands.

True enough, we, women are not a property. We are not things that one can just use or discard when they want to. Thanks for this. πŸ‘πŸ§‘

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Thank you so much, my friend. It hurts me to see men still having this archaic mentality about women. It's totally wrong. I am so glad to have you here.

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2 years ago

I hate people like this treating their partner as a thing that they've own, I know its good to be possessive when it comes to your lover but too much of it leads to a toxic relationship. Manipulative humans are the worst.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's right... Manipulative humans are not encouraging at all. It can be frustrating...

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Women are filled with so much capacity more than men. If only men and women realize how important women are the better for society's transformation.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I totally agree with this. If only we understand this then we can treat them better and they can also demand more.

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2 years ago

The man that thinks their gilrfriend/wife is their property is an idiot and also manipulative. We can't claim that thing!

$ 0.02
User's avatar EJ
2 years ago

Hahahaha I love that anger... Well channelled.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Please tell them, or should I help you to increase the volume.

You want to get married to a lady because of house chores, sounds crazy! We have to take our time before we fall into marriage, is not a thing we can do just because your mate are getting married, isn't it better to stay single rather than falling into the wrong hand, that will be hell on Earth....lol

You made me to remember a boyfriend of mine, she got another woman pregnant and was like ... I can't marry her, he rather prefer to become a single father than to marry the girl, and me I was like, when you're doing it, you don't know you can't marry her right? He told me he will have to live the rest of his life as a single father because he knew I will never accept him again, which is right.....I have go my own way but we still talk.

So what you said is right, it's true that you had sex and seen the result , which is pregnancy, that doesn't mean one should ran into marriage because of it. I strongly agree with you on that... I think this marriage of a thing has to be understood properly by individual.

Imagine what that man was saying, looking for who to cook , turned to a sex toy and blablabla, he will forever remain single for that reason...lol

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Hahahaha the sad thing is, he would tell some ladies and out of desperation they will accept him with those terms. Most men won't even say it but that's how they treat their spouse at home. It's sad.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oh my friend, your sentiments were just like in our country. Some men weren’t looking exactly for a wife and life long partner, they were looking for someone who can take care of them while they are working, they have this superiority complex over things. It’s a sad reality, because some women does it for love. I hope this mentality would stopped soon:)

$ 0.03
2 years ago

It's a bad way to think and it's not cool that some women still agree to this term. Women need to know they deserve better and men should do better and understand women are not properties... They have flesh and blood and can feel too.

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2 years ago

He is stupid. He's afraid of being left behind by the train (that's the saying from our elders here) he's desperate to find a wife, if that's what he wants to look for a wife, he should be the one looking it not bother other people. What he thinks about marriage? He thought marriage is a joke. It should be a mutual understanding between of the person involved. When I read your article I wasn't even halfway there I feel like my blood pressure is high he is a jerk. It's a good thing that your daughter did not entertain him.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ I was angry too because it is disappointing for see the way he thinks especially for a 37 year old man. It is shocking.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

" You had sex without protection, what were you expecting, a plasma TV?" hahaha; Sir, you are amazing, which means in such a hot topic you added some humor and keep interested going, one more thing, these idiots are likely to remain lonely, and the lady you mentioned(7 years older), I am quite interested in that story too if you could share something about her. I think it is the women who are if given proper care, then only make a house a home. otherwise, you are right in every sense that Boy will see a divorce of his parents.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hahahaha thanks a lot. I will surely write about her... Maybe today or later in the week. I will try. Thank you..

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2 years ago

So you have an unsettled love proposal? I think she regrets now.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£ it was a long time ago. From my end it is settled πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
2 years ago

These kinds of men. Maybe they didn't understand much about getting married.. It's not just about serving your spouse like ka housemaid..

This makes me recall my previous article about cheating, 'coz some men thinks they are like Gods and their wives are servants. They cheat when they are not satisfied with the service.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

They cheat when they are not satisfied with the service πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

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2 years ago

🀣🀣 The last issue was with my cousin whom her partner said he did it because he got bored.. πŸ˜…

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Are you freaking kidding me? Woooooow. That's cruel.... He got bored? Ouch.

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2 years ago

It is quite sad that people still think that way in this time and age, but the worst is, they are still the majority

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2 years ago

That's the annoying part of it. They still do it in this time and age and still feel it is cool. A lot of people need to change their ways of thinking.

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2 years ago

He's frustrated lol. And your daughter is I guess too young to be asked for that. Btw, how many kids do you have? πŸ˜…

$ 0.03
2 years ago

He is frustrated and desperate with a bit of confusion hahaha.

Ah... I lost count o. I have too many daughters ever since my days when I was teaching... I can't even put a number to them. Even Solomon didn't have as much daughters as I have right now hahahaha.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oh. So you are referring to your students πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

Hahaha oh you mean my real daughters? Hahaha no. This particular one isn't even one of my students. I have too many daughters and I seem to be attracting there everywhere I go haha. They are younger ladies that I just take under my wings to help in whatever capacity.

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2 years ago

If you have a daughter, I'm sure she will be so proud of you, my friend. She has a father who knows the real value of a woman. I won't deny that in some part women sometimes didn't treat as a woman but sometimes just a plain wife and worst treat as a helper.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Thank you so much, my friend. I feel honoured. Yes, most parts of the world see women as something that can be used. We need to see women better. They are not lesser in any way and they are a bundle of wonder.

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2 years ago

My, as a woman, I feel a but offended. Ahaha. You are right about how you'd respond to him.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I totally understand, my friend. It's offending for women to see how men treats and think of them this way.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oh yes. Glad to see other men having better point of views about women.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Thank you so much, my friend.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Daddy, make me one of your numerous daughters na 😣😣 Women aren't properties and I have seen a situation where a man would always maltreat his wife Everytime and I would wonder why is it so? Well, some didn't actually think before going into marriage and they end up not enjoying themselves because of how they had started.

We need to understand marriage doesn't work smoothly when your aim is to find someone who can help you do this or that.

Also, you do not go into marriage just because you feel you are getting older and age isn't on your side. Take your time to understand what marriage entails.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Hahahaha I need to sign the adoption papers and boom... I will adopt you but wait o... Didn't we talk about testing our kissing potentials? I can't kiss my daughter o so I won't adopt you... After the kiss sha... πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Most people have the wrong motives when it comes to marriage and that's why they won't get the best out of it.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣 After the kiss, I no do daughter again. We would just be kissing partner 🀣🀣

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I agree and I want that. Let the countdown begin yaaaaay. Be getting your lips ready o.

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2 years ago

πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

Let the kissing flow 😍πŸ₯°πŸ˜

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2 years ago

Yes you right, we have a choice Ang get a chance to take a change so that we get a different outcome, but for me speaking of property, I don't agree of that,I am the women that seeking for the love and care to the man that I love,, likewise they both need love and care,, and not a property at all.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Yes, both need to love and care for each other. They don't need to make it one sided which starts from the way we think.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes I agree of that,,both side should have respect.

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2 years ago

Exactly...

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2 years ago

Women are not property. They are met to be care for and loved. Just as it was recorded " man love your wife. Marriage is all about maturity, age difference is never a barrier to marriage

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Age is never a barrier, I agree because it is about understanding that comes from how matured mentally both parties are. So true.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

This use to be our tradition but the world has gone further than enslaving women, some people still have the idea of I just need someone to cook and do my chores for me.

It beyond that now, taking a woman shouldn't be about her duties for you.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

God bless you. Some men marry because they want the woman to do the duties they can't do. They just want to be supplying the money for the house and how would they have a deeper connection... It's totally wrong. Both parties should know they can do better and give better...

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Ola did you know that some family still do all this I own you stuff and so when they marry wife they just turn her to property Maybe he came from such family

$ 0.02
2 years ago

It is very annoying and I find it insulting I must say. Women should be treated better.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yeah

$ 0.00
2 years ago

It’s an African thing a Lot needs to change as its being passed down from generation, even western education is not helping matters, that’s why women are arising and fighting for themselves (Feminists)

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Yes, women are fighting back and men are not making it easier.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

A mentality that has been deeply ingrained in the heart of many men. Some men see dowry as money paid to own a woman. The sad thing is there're women who see themselves as such!

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's the annoying part... Some women still allowed themselves to be a property.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

No matter how you put it marriage is always a selfish deed and to benefit from. You get married because someone supports you, cooks, cleans, does the laundry, listens to your hurts, worries, bragging. You want to show off with your partner or are looking for a baby delivery machine. You might look for company once getting older because it takes courage to live alone. Many high educated women do, men don't. The question is if there's anything wrong about that. Marriage is not different from any other contract you sign. You can share the high costs of living, have benefits if it comes to taxes and much more. Those who get married all have their lists of what benefits them exception are those (young) girls/women sold to an old man.

Love will not survive hard times, being a team and know you can count on someone might.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

This is deep and you spoke some serious truth here. It's one sided and not fair and I have to agree with you.

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2 years ago