Relationship Class.

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2 years ago

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A relationship can bring the best out of you or bring the worst out of you...still, it depends on who you are too. We need to understand the relationship we have in our lives and do better with those that we have around us. The relationship you have around will determine the kind of access to the things you desire and the things others have access to from your end too. We all need to build relationships in our lives because after everything is gone, we are only left with the people we have in our lives.

Often we feel bad when people leave our lives. It is normal for you to feel down when someone leaves. You should also remember that you are not defined by those who left but by what you can make out of the relationship you still have left in your life. Stop losing sleep over those who left rather value those you still have... It doesn't mean you can't try to salvage the ones you have lost, by all means, try to if you can, especially if they are value-adding ones you've once taken for granted.

Relationship responds to nurture and is subject to seasons. There are some relationships that you need to nurture and there are those relationships that would come into your life for just a season.

I can remember having this amazing friend back then and we would talk every day. She had issues with keeping a man because, after a few months with these men, they always end up leaving. She was always moody. We would talk about it, I would give her advice and any guy that comes into her life I would tell her which one to go for and which one she should stay away from.

After a while when she finally found another man; a serious and ready-to-marry kind of man, I noticed she withdrew. She told me about the wedding only a few weeks to and I didn’t even know when the introduction was done.

Of course, I felt bad and used because I felt the relationship was mutual and I classified her as a "user" until I realized that my work was done with her and she needed to leave. It's painful but my job was done, I shouldn't be expecting more than I've done. I was just there in her life for a reason and a season.

I was in her life for that particular season to help her get through that period and when she was done with that period, I now understand there was nothing much for us to talk about and she needed to focus on her newfound love. I am not expected to play God in her life when my work was done. Most of the time we try to lord it over those whom we have been opportune to help at a time; thinking they should always come around to pay homage to us but that is wrong.

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You need to understand that some people are in your life for a season as you are in other people’s lives for a season too and when that season is over, you will just notice that you will naturally drift away. If you try to force that relationship, you will both end up hurting each other and if it lingers, resent each other and the good work over the years would be undone.

Categorize your relationships with people so that you won’t have unrealistic expectations. The extent to which you are exposed in a relationship will determine the extent of your vulnerability. When you understand everyone’s role in your life, it would be easier for you to understand their part and not unnecessarily feel aggrieved when they leave.

There are some relationships that you have to nurture - staying close, checking up on those people, reaching out to them because a time would come when you need a lift of whatever form, and once you knock on their door, they will graciously open up to you. The relationship you fail to nurture can never yield anything of worth to you. It is like a bank deposit sometimes - if you don't fill it you won't get anything. It doesn't mean you keep people around because you might need them, no... It only means that life happens and it's naturally good to invest in people and build relationships because no one can make it in this world all alone.

A relationship that you have failed to nurture will not be there for you when you need it the most; which is why we need to categorize the relationships in our lives and also treat every relationship with love and respect.

Categorizing these relationships will allow you to know who to fight with and those you are not supposed to fight with. Just because someone corrects you over an issue doesn’t mean that person is opposing you. We often get confused about this most of the time and pick up a fight with those we are not supposed to.

Some people will be sent into your life or that you will encounter in your life’s journey to support you or those that you will have to support too. Understand those in your life and know which relationship to nurture and those to let go of.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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2 years ago

Comments

Indeed, people will come and soon they will go but we should remember that those who left would never define who we are. Their stay are seasonal and sometimes conditionally.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

You are right, my friend. Sometimes it's conditional. It's always important to evaluate the position of those in our lives so that we can know the relationship to nurture and the one we should accept when their relevance expires. Thank you, my friend.

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2 years ago

This is so true. Sometimes other people arrive in our life to give us lessons or we are the one who will give them a lessons. People come and go because they only have a temporary purpose in our lives.

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2 years ago

Some people's purpose can be temporary in our lives. Relationship expires when their use has been outlived. Thanks for your wonderful contribution, my friend.

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2 years ago

It a bit disappointing to be used by someone or feel to feel used by someone. Although it might be just that she was really busy with her wedding preparations. But anyway if she indeed use you, there is an upside to this, you were able to be someone's candle in need. God will reward you handsomely for that.

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2 years ago

That's the consolation, my friend...being a light for someone and knowing I did my part. That's always encouraging. Thank you so much.

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2 years ago

Yeah don't be disheartened when people seems to just be using you. It only means you shine brighter than others. You are doing a good deed nonetheless.

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2 years ago

Exactly. That's a wonderful approach to have and perspective to see things from. I love this. Thanks a lot.

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2 years ago

A relationship between two logical persons may break but it may not go toxic unless there is a fictitious fight on principles. The differences may be repaired with respect for each other's individual opinions.

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2 years ago

This is so true. Differences can always be repaired but most people would rather hold on to their desire to be right than embrace open dialogue.

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2 years ago

They are our favorite people and they go away in a hurry. It is sad when someone who is good friend from childhood moves away but with time we forget everything and start life . In every case, when such a dear person is lost, I cry a lot but at one time I get busy with myself.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

We just have to continue living life. There would be situation beyond our control and we have to keep pushing.

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2 years ago

The key thing I understand here is " never expect too much from people no matter your history with them. Even if you are ready to go far and beyond for them, don't expect them to do so for you when the tables are turns. Coming to realize this fact would do alot of good to your mental health".

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Simple and short. You have deep understanding of things and that's life. We have too much expectations sometimes and it hurts. We need to know when our job in the life of people is done and when we need to take the back seat.

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2 years ago

Like you rightly said, it all comes down to keeping watch of what we expect from our relationship. The rule of thumbs is to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

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2 years ago

That Jay Z song came to mind: "Forever Young". Hope for the best, expect the worst, understand time and season and know when to accept the things you can no longer change.

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2 years ago

That's always true

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2 years ago

😊😊😊

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2 years ago

I'm forwarding this to my friend, he is kind of not able to get over from his first and last relationship, lol. Though I have tried to open his eyes a lot, let's see what this one does. Because he gets good opportunities many times but rejects saying he still loves the one who left him and has degraded himself a lot for that.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

A lot of people always hang on to those who left them. They need to understand that begging someone to stay in their lives won't earn them respect. Your friend need to accept the things he can't change.

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2 years ago

This is what I needed to hear. The friends I have made and lost now are seasonal. That's a better way to accept the gap now.

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2 years ago

Yes, some people are not meant to stay for life... We just have to understand who they are and what their purpose is and fits in our life.

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2 years ago

I've had to walk away from many people. Some people call it ghosting. I call it moving on.

Essentially, when people in your life are no longer good for you, and particularly if you're not good for each other, it's time to meet some new people.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

That's the smartest thing to do. Walking away from those who adds no value and would fuel your weaknesses. It's a good choice and it's what I love to do as well.

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2 years ago

This is especially true when you are in recovery (addiction, etc.) - All of my old friends are dead and I just lost another childhood family friend to suicide last week.

I lost my best friends, I lost the girl I loved above all others, I lost the ones I tried to replace her with.

Many people hold a grudge against me for disappearing, but it's often for both our sakes, not just mine.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Wow. If only they know better they would understand why you are doing what you are doing. You are one tough human being... Going strong regardless. Wow. That's the kind of strength that is beyond words. Deeply sorry for all you've been through.

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2 years ago

I'll never expect the world to understand me nor do I want pity.

I've decided to take the strength I have and carve a place for myself out in this world.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

I appreciate the kind words but I feel far worse for the people who didn't have the strength or wisdom to make decisions that kept them alive.

My sanity is often my only causality. This is why I apologize for ever offending people I am diagnosed bipolar, sometimes the lows can get really dark and cruel. I tend to avoid good girls and good friends because I don't want to drag anyone down.

I can handle being accountable for myself and my actions, but they don't need to be.

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2 years ago

I absolutely love your attitude, your view and perspective to things. I love that strength. Sadly not everyone is blessed with that strength.

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2 years ago

Our lives are full of memories of people who have come and gone, also of many who never left and over time gave value to friendship 😉.

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2 years ago

That's the beauty of life and the friendship we have forged overtime. Absolutely right, mama.

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2 years ago

I have a friend to that, is like that she had a problem with boys they always break her heart so she doesn't seems to like boys again, all what she says is that boys are scam, I don't know how to keep her out of this but am trying my best. Maybe she had problem with trust.

Thank you for that post!.

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2 years ago

You need to allow her heal first. She can't jump into another without coming to terms with what went wrong in the last relationship. She also need to learn and then heal. With time she will be fine. Allow her to live her life...just give her support and don't talk about relationship with her for now.

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2 years ago

Okay thanks for the info

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2 years ago

Anytime.

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2 years ago

💰🥂🍾🥂🍷

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2 years ago

😊😊😊

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2 years ago

You very well catgorized the relationship. I am agreed to you that some relationship in our lives are seasonal and we should take them as season and focus and nurture those who are real and left with us. Olasquare the all article I have read from you give impression as you are relationship counselor :)

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2 years ago

Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate your comment and yes, I am one... I enjoy talking about relationships. I am glad you enjoyed this.

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2 years ago

"If you don't heal on what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you". Since I learnt this, I don't lose too much sleep over a relationship again but we are human and emotions set in atimes.

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2 years ago

This is so beautiful and I absolutely love it. A lot of people take things out on those who didn't even hurt them...

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2 years ago

True my friend. There are a lot of relationships, a person to the other people which is temporary only because everyday there's a chance it will change. It may be change the relationship you had with that person so it's better to limit our expectations and we should be aware what the real relationship you had so that you are prepared and it will not hurt you the most.

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2 years ago

With increased expectation comes increased disappointment. We need to reduce those expectations and understand the role of everyone in our lives.

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2 years ago

Yes my friend indeed. We shouldn't expect a lot because it will hurt you a lot at the end if your expectations didn't meet.

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2 years ago

Exactly and most of the times humans don't meet those expectations...

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2 years ago

Yes my friend that's why there must be a limit with our expectations.

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2 years ago

Yes, my friend.

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2 years ago