There was this couple I heard about their story and a lot of people kept asking what went wrong? They have been seen to be lovey-dovey and that's obviously the front they put up but it's shameful because the man always hit her behind closed doors.
It's hard to say what went wrong because no one lives with them to know how things got this bad but I have always been a firm believer in watching out for the warning signs. I am not saying you have to flee when you noticed something is off, no, because no one is perfect as you are not either but there should be a point where you draw the line and domestic violence is one of them.
A lot of people get hit even during courtship and yet they have the trust that the person would change. If he would change then he would have used the courtship period to exercise his patience and learn restraint. The warning signs are always there and we need to be sensitive not to accept what we don't want to see in our future. There would always be that trait of violence and to truly know how his temperament is, watch how he reacts when he has no money.
This is not a problem peculiar to men alone because even though it doesn't happen often, there have been incidents of females abusing men physically, so we have domestic violence being orchestrated by the women too.
A relationship is more than "I love you" and the cloud 9 feelings which is why most people miss it because they feel that's what it's all about. While dating someone, don't go in all blind and I am not saying you shouldn't give your best instead but there is a point where you strike a balance. Go into a relationship with your head and your heart because both can function simultaneously depending on which aspect you are feeding the most. Most domestic violence reports start with little things that go unattended to or unaddressed. This is why your partner needs to have an accountability partner; someone like a mentor that you can report to so as to put his head in the right places. We all make mistakes but we don't have to take advantage of this by going on a free fall.
Most people who perpetrate domestic violence haven't learnt to develop their character so well and you would see how messed up every aspect of their lives would be because if he is incapable of having control over his hands how else is he supposed to have control over any aspect of his life? To manage the affairs of your life you need to take control and to manage your relationship too, you need to take charge also.
Some people are just like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off with little provocation. They usually self destruct and when you are lucky enough to notice them before you marry them, kindly walk away. You are not giving up but you are simply prioritizing your life, as you should because you have those who love you and those whom you are also responsible for, so if anything happens to your mental health and physical health, they will suffer.
Age doesn't mean the person you are dating is matured because maturity is a function of self-development and character building. It's about someone willing to learn from his mistakes, pick up lessons from his experience to do better. Your behaviour is different from your personality because your behaviour is how you want to be perceived by others while your personality is who you are and it's what you are comfortable with that you will manifest on the inside. It's who you are when the light goes off - when no one is looking at you.
There is no one without some excesses but that's the essence of life; living and learning. As long as you are living, keep learning and seeking to be better. Work on the negatives for the sake of the people you love, for the sake of those who love you and most importantly, for your own sake and seek to be better.
Most people just run off into a relationship due to the pressure they feel and the urgency of being seen in a relationship. You are single and that's not a crime. It's singleness, not a disease and many people choose to be single and they are doing amazingly well. It all boils down to knowing what you want and not about seeking popular opinions. If you don't accept yourself the way you are, others won't accept it either. Whatever you do, people will always have opinions about it, so why bother?
Your singleness is not a crime, your old age is not a disease and because you are old doesn't mean you should accept just anyone who will make your life miserable and shorten your years.
I know the things we deal with are different and not everyone can understand the things we've had to put up with but learn to watch out for the warning signs and generally too, let's seek to build our character. While waiting for the 'perfect' person to come, let's make sure we make ourselves 'perfect' for who is to come as well. As much as we are expecting the best, let's strive to be the best that others would hope to have as well. We need to be better first so we won't have to portray bad things to those we 'claim' we love.
Thank you for your time.
We shouldn't really ignore red flags. The only flags that we should be welcoming is the red flag in Spicy Chicken Joy in Jollibee.