We are all guilty of this when we see things differently when we look from afar but when we move up close, we gain a different perspective. Oh...I know I have been guilty of this and that's because we sometimes judge things from face value rather than think deeply. We seem to blame others but when it comes to us, we explain ourselves away.
Okay, let me explain the cab service in Nigeria, especially the public ones. Two people would have to manage on the front seat. There was this day I saw two people seated at the front seat while the back seats were empty. I thought to myself, are they so dull that they couldn't ask someone to drop to the back so they can feel comfortable at the front? The issue is that the front seat can be so inconvenient with two people there.
It was not even up to a week and I found myself in the same situation and I fully understood why it must have been difficult for them not to easily slot to the back. We see and understand things better when we find ourselves in a similar situation but when it involves others, we are so quick to throw out our morality and make others feel they are not doing enough. We are so quick to see other people's flaws but blinded to ours while we try to find an excuse for them.
It's so easy to advise others only for us to be clueless when we find ourselves in a similar situation and we notice that we can't even take the advice we give to others. Sometimes we get angry when we dish out advice and the person didn't take it but how easy it is to dish out than for us to take it for ourselves. We are so quick to show others we are better than them but life isn't about who is better but about living and learning while helping others and being helped too.
It is easier to see a luxurious car walk past while we conclude that they have no troubles. We sometimes feel because someone drives the best of cars they have it all together. We don't even understand that some people are living in debt. We judge how well others are even by the smile they put out which hinders us from offering a hand of help. We all need help it just differs.
Have you seen someone celebrate a landmark or something of worth and someone would mutter under his breath how lucky that person is? We sometimes have no idea what others have gone through and what it took them to achieve that feat we called 'lucky'. The same way we judge people by what we can see that they have, the same way we judge others by what they don't have. We often forget that a king in the making can sometimes be in rags. We fail to spot a gem in the dirt just as most people might not recognize a diamond in the rough.
It's the human thing. We are led by our sight so it is understandable when people assume and think they know everything. You see a smiling couple and you want to model your relationship after them. You want to do the things they do and then you see some ladies or even men put their spouse through hell because they are trying to model another couple whom they have no idea what they are suffering on the inside. It's okay to pick the good things from others and try to inculcate them into your relationship but it shouldn't come with suddenness, pressure or insensitivity. There are so many people going through a lot that you might never understand.
How do you see the scar on a body when that body has been clothed? The same way most people mask their issues with buying things they don't need or even with something as simple as a smile. It doesn't mean they don't need help it only means they are trying to be strong. Either you help them or you leave them as they are but don't make it worse for them.
We sometimes encourage ourselves because some people don't like being pitied while some thrive on it. Regardless, we should stop assuming things and open our hearts to the things we can do for others.
When I was still working in my City of birth. I told my co-workers that we should get something for our director since it was his birthday. They told me that it wasn't necessary because he has everything and in their words, "What can we get him that he can't get for himself?". I insisted and they gathered money and I went to get him some of the things I know he loves. I got a basket full and dropped it beside his table. He was thrilled. I told him it was from all of us and he said that was so thoughtful of us. He took it home with joy and pride.
We often ignore good gestures because we feel they are little and might not be needed but the truth is, the little gestures get ignored because most people think this way. If they can't afford big things they run away or ignore them. Someone jokingly told a friend that he doesn't know what to get for his wife because she has everything and the friend told him to start with a kiss. A kiss is about appreciation in this regard and what he was telling him was to focus on the little things rather than give her the things she already has.
We are humans and that's okay. It's even okay for us to have our opinions. I may not accept your opinion but I will defend your rights to have one in the first place. When we are in doubt it is not a crime to ask questions. Ask others how they attained what you desire. Let them tell you the hurdles they have crossed and it might just make your journey easier where you don't have to repeat a common mistake.
Let's stop with the judgement and start with the asking. We understand a lot more when we ask questions and think deeply about situations.
Thank you for your time.
I have realized that most of the misunderstandings and debates start with quick judgment without listening to the other side. It's people's tendency to jump into conclusions hastily that causes further quarrels and major arguments.