Clouded.

Topic:

Have you ever?

Write at least 350 words answering one (or more) of the questions below.

Have you ever allowed hate to cloud your judgement?

There is a popular song in Nigeria that asks, "Who never messed up (I changed it because they used the f word) hands in the air? No hands?" This means we are all humans and at some points, we have allowed our emotions to get the best of us. I've noticed that with most humans, whoever tells their side of the story first we naturally adjudge the person to be right and grow resentment for the other person because his or her story has been shared in a bad light. This is not my attempt at a soft landing hahaha but as the quote above says, "If you haven't done something wrong before, put your hands in the air?" No hands? Exactly 🤣🤣. I'm not alone.

Hate is a strong word but I would say that I have allowed my reservations or dislike to cloud my judgement. I also noticed that with us humans, we mostly go with those we have known the longest and hold on to the words they say over the new people we just come across. We tend to play the loyalty card most of the time rather than get to the root of the matter and address the issue at hand.

I've known a friend of mine for well over 18 years. We stayed in the same area, went to the same Secondary School and then the same University too. We are practically like family members and that's the reality of it. You can imagine how anyone might weigh the opinion of someone like that more strongly and ever since that incident which I am about to share, I've allowed myself to be open-minded even more and ask both parties questions before concluding.

I linked this my childhood friend up with a lady that I recently met that year and I think it was after I'd known her for like 6 months or so that I got to introduce her to my childhood friend. They started dating and dated for around 2 years or so too. Before they broke up, my friend told me how she was involved with another guy and all the things she was doing but as expected, he didn't mention to me his part in it and what he has done too. It doesn't excuse the lady from whatever she must have done or not done, but keeping information away to make others look bad to absolve yourself is tantamount to manipulation. If there was nothing in it, the full details of every story must be told, right?

He told me so many things that made me resent the lady. All her efforts to reach out and check on me most of the time were met with one-word replies at that time and I just shoved her aside. I felt I also let my friend down because I was the one who introduced them. I felt that she wasn't honest with me too. I also felt like showing loyalty to my friend because I felt I put him through that which could have been avoided. My loyalty to him by resenting this lady was my way of making it up to him for dragging him through that relationship in a way.

The lady stopped trying at some point too and I didn't blame her. I allowed my dislike or resentment of her attitude to put a wedge in our budding friendship. I took the side of long-time relationship over common sense which shouldn't be.

After a while, we spoke, reached out to one another and she shared her side of the story and I felt like a fool in the whole drama. I explained my side and why I did what I which she told me she understood and we cleared the air. I allowed my dislike to cloud my judgement that I had to cut her off instead of listening to her first. They were both at fault in the whole thing. She admitted her fault too but my childhood friend still wouldn't accept his. Being in the middle of such an issue can be tiring and it would take a lot for you to stay neutral. It might be hard but not impossible, of course.

I learnt a lot from that encounter and it allowed me to be flexible and open to discussion too. At the end of it all, when we got to the UK, it was this same lady who came to the Airport to pick us up. She drove for 2 hours plus just to come to our aid with another person too who helped with our luggage in his own car while she transported us with hers. Small world, eh?

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

Kindly follow me on Noise.Cash... I am trying to engage more with people and connect with everyone with this account. I look forward to seeing you there... You can say hello to me there so we can get familiarized as well. Click here.