I was watching Ling and Lamb's YouTube channel yesterday and someone asked them something about satisfying the sexual desires of her partner. She asked how she would cope because her sexual appetite is nowhere near that of her husband. They tried to make light of the situation while still explaining some hidden truth that most people fail to understand when they are dating someone before they eventually get married.
We hide a lot of truth these days because we are always worried that person would go away. Would you rather not allow the person to go away now than to have issues later on that might eventually take you back to what you dread in the first place?
We are always scared of losing people which is why most people don't like to be honest. Would you rather not let the person know how you are now and let him or her decide whether the love he or she has for you is worth that much rather than cheat your way through and drag yourself through unnecessary emotional turmoil?
The essence of courtship or dating is for you two to understand each other, get yourself mentally prepared for the journey ahead and give each other a heads up on what's to come while also being sensitive to pick some of the things that might not be spoken. The truth is, you cannot know everything in a single swoop but you need to know as much as you can.
Many people are busy with other things while forgetting to learn the most important things about their partners. As much as the vacations and the walk in the parks are nice you still need to engage. I've been there before that I hardly know anything about the lady I was dating because we were always up in each other's faces as we couldn't take our hands off each other anytime we see. Some conversations must be had and there are some things you must know before going into a long term relationship with someone. You need to know to avoid wasting your time.
Marriage is a give and take, sometimes because you get what you have invested in it. Being in a relationship should be a mutual thing. You listen and you air your opinions too. You won't always agree about everything but you can always meet at a comfortable ground where both parties would have to sacrifice a bit to reach an agreement. No 'one size fits it all' in a relationship and you can't always have things your way but you can reach an agreement if you think that relationship is worth sacrificing for.
The moment you have committed yourself to take a step further and even before getting all too deep into it, you need to have a serious talk on some important questions. Going to the movies and having fun is good but let them be perfectly blended with some deep and serious conversations. The mistake most people make is using the phrase 'When we get there, we will know how to cross it'. Why don't you learn how to cross it now because life's pressure would always make simple situations harder and you'd marvel at how such a simple decision can make and mar a relationship. The unexpected would always happen whether we like it or not.
Most people are scared to face the truth. They would rather not know but would gladly hope for it to be avoided. Who else prepares for war when the war is already on? You prepare for war in the moment of peace. You have to envisage the bridge and plan ways to get over that bridge. There must be a strategy in place. It doesn't mean it would work 100% but don't leave things to chance.
If you are in a serious relationship or about to get into one or you are about to get married or desire to get married, I would want you to discuss with your partner these questions that I will be sharing with you all. You might be blessed with someone who is open and doesn't mind - someone who would rather let it be on your terms but if you meet someone with his or her angle to things, then try to meet at a level ground. You can't be the only one sacrificing and they can't be the only one sacrificing too.
The first important question you need to ask and they are not in a particular order is, how many children you would both want to have if you both don't want any child. Some people don't want to have children and they have valid reasons for not wanting to. You don't have to assume they want it and that is why you need to discuss it.
Another issue is, most people are so biased when it comes to gender. They would tell you they want all boys or all girls or some might even tell you the mixture they want and how they want it. You need to ask each other the question of 'What will happen if your children are all boys or all girls?' Are you going to go on having more children (despite agreeing on how many you want to have initially) till you can get your 'preferred' child? These conversations need to be discussed because there are issues that would always be beyond your control and expertise.
You need to also ask what your partner thinks about childbirth. How they would want to have the children. What would the person think if there are delays? We cannot exhaust all the options but you can pick how they think or how they would think with a major question. What happens when there is a delay? Will you still be able to enjoy being with your partner or all you want is just a child? (Why not go and adopt then and you don't have to marry to do that). How your partner responds would determine how they can cope with external pressures that would come from nosy family members.
The questions vary depending on what's important to you all. You can ask how they would relate when the child comes because some people would be so buried into their child and they would have no time for their spouse. They can both learn how to take care of their child while still making out time for themselves.
How they intend to manage their respective work and how they intend to also manage their migration - if both stay in different places. I heard the story of a man who asked his wife to leave a high paying job that runs into millions to come to where he is and start afresh whereas the money he earns is not even up to 10% of what this lady earns.
What can you both afford? What portion do you think you can both be saving? How can you spend what you have saved and on what? You need to know the mindset of your partner and watch your partner too so you can relate what they say with what they are doing. Finance is a major problem most families face in marriages.
Have your important questions. You won't live long enough to learn from your mistakes and some mistakes can be disastrous.
Thank you for your time.
You know a major reason why there are so many failed marriages these days is that they forsake the vital discussions about their plans for the future and only just focus on the now. Marriage isn't wedding but sadly, folks nowadays can't differentiate between both. Thus they tend to think only about the latter which might just be a thing of a day or two and give little or no thought to the former which is a lifetime journey.