Life Rants: I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm just tired.

Being tired with something is sometimes what we're not imagining, most of the time we are thankful because we have work, we waking up everyday, we can smile, we can laugh, and we can do the things that we want to do.

But, yeah as I said, we are lucky to still open up our eyes but behind that there's a sadness and a tiredness where we don't really want to feel and where we don't really want to be experienced of. Like me, I'm tired of waking up everyday and do the same routine. There's no excitement at all just like what am I feeling before, there's so happiness at all just like what am I wishing.

When I got here to Baguio, I thought everything will become better, but yeah it's just my taught and nothing personal.

I thought I will never feel this tiredness again, like what I feel way back in Iloilo where everything was so heavy and it makes me feel tired. It makes me feel that I am useless because I always feel tired and nothing more. I thought I will never feel the sadness again just like when I'm still in Iloilo, but things are imaginable and sadness will never ever leave us apart because it's part of our life and out struggles, daily.

I don't know why I feel upset right mow, I really feel upset and I can't imagine the reason why. I have 3 days rest but still I need more. But I guess this one is emotionally because I don't feel tired physically.

I can usually say that I'm okay, but I'm really not, yes we can usually say that we're all okay but you keep everything as a lie. I'm just tired and I want to make sure that I'm still okay, that my mental health Are still fine.

When I'm to figure out everything on my own, it seems so hard to understand and Idk why, it's like I'm tired and I want to rest.

And also, last day I figured out that my mother was not doing well and don't have any strength already. I don't know if I'll get angry because they didn't tell me about her condition, when I asked them, they told me that they don't want me to worry and to think about them, plus my father said that I don't need to worry since he will renew his loan so that my mother can get check up.

I don't want him to renew his loan since it's been already many years that his ATM is pawned and I want that to be done already since his pension is going to the atm that is pawned.

I don't know what will I'm gonna do, after I go home earlier I just let my partner go and i stayed awakenfor like 5 hours while crying and thinking about the things that is happening now, I don't even know how to handle this things but it was hard as hell.

I want to shout, I want to cry and cry and cry and I want to think of the things that I'm used to, but I can't. I was wondering why this things didn't happened before and it was just happening right now.

I feel so helpless, I feel so useless. I'm angry with my self because I can't even help my mother to have her check up but instead it's my father who think of finding solution when it comes to that.

Final Thoughts

My busyness of me were pulling all of my schedule out to normal. Minswn talaga thankful ako kapag dayoff na kinabukasan. Ang sarap matulog no? Dechar baka may makabasa neto.

By the way, I'm not renewing some of the sponsorship. Sorry if I'm renewing kinda late, I was just busy.

By the way, I wanna say thankyou to @DennMarc for my template! Thankyou so much pre, sensya talaga napagsawaan ko ung sakin 🤣