just another emo thursday

Just this morning a friend chatted me and asked if I could buy her some apples and oranges. This same friend is the one who likes to talk behind the back of our other friends and loves to point mistakes. Sometimes, I'm pissed of because she would tell me about the things she doesn't like about others. Sometimes, I call her out and tell her to quit minding other's business as she also complains that she doesn't like other people to talk sh*t behind her back.

The funny thing is:

We like to talk behind each people's back but we don't want to be the topic of their gossips.

Anyway, I did her a favor. That is always the scenario. Her name would never pop up in my messenger unless she has me to do something for her. I'm used to that. Being other people's go-to-person. Someone who can do errands and favors for them to make their lives better.

At first, I didn't mind because in my head this is the time when I could catch up and help my friends. This is the time when I feel valued and important because I have done something good for them. Until such time, slowly, I didn't noticed that I have allowed them to use me and take me for granted.

I've come to the point when I would go extra mile just to do favors on my friends' behalf. Some of the things I do will be left undone because I prioritize them first. I don't want to go on a day thinking that I still have t do some favors. I want to get it done as early and fast as possible.

Moving on, I live a life afraid when her name appears on my messenger again. Before I click her name, I would make up alibis for me to say No to her but I always ended up saying Yes to her requests.

This is unhealthy. She would be delighted as she thinks I take pleasure as I do tasks for her but I have been planting bad vibes in my heart without my friend knowing.

I ended it.

I decided to put a stop to it. I alter my perceptions and quit thinking and growing bad vibes. I used to be upset when my friends would only remember me when they want me to do favors for them and when they want something for me.

I used to be upset and angry when months would pass and they haven't send a simply 'hi' on messenger.

I use to fall into deep dark hole of self-pitiness when I'm going through hard days and there is none I could call to.

I used to be sad when they aren't there when I celebrated small wins too.

I used to be mad when they only remember me when they need something from me.

I realized..

Life wouldn't be lived with your friends sticking by your side literally like a glue unless you have same passion but that too could also have boundaries.

I realized that we all have different dreams and challenges to face too.

I realized I needed to get a life.

After all..

Friends remain friends no matter how often you keep in touch.

Friends will be friends even when you got no chance to meet for years too.

I have reconciled to the idea that a friend remembering you only when there is a favor is not bad.

It just goes to show that she thought of you as the best person fitted to do the task for her.

It should not be a burden as she is a friend.

How about you read-friends? What are your thoughts on this? Don't mind me. I'm just having an emotional Thursday. Oh, how time flies so fast. In few moments, it would be Friday again. Why is it that the earth seems in a hurry rotating and revolving? I'm still having a hard time figuring out my life.

Thank you so much everyone! To my sponsors, upvoters, to the people who spent time to read and comment, you made my soul happy! Thank you heaps!

September 2, 2021

11:27 p.m. | thursday

Murakamii.7