11122021
I'm so done of hearing people's opinion about me. I know that I'm skinny and it gets worse today than the other day, month or year but people keep on rubbing it on my face like I have some kind of criminal case or infected with some uncurable disease.
Some days I feel good about myself because I accept and love my body even with its imperfections but people would just come near me trying to pick what is wrong with me.
There are days too that when I accidentally face a mirror I would instantly feel sorry for myself for having such a thin body. I have never posted a selfie on facebook because doing so requires a right amount of courage for me. And unfortunately, I don't have the courage to post something even if I want to. I even feel insecure because I look like I'm sick. I have been trying to live and eat healthily so my body would acquire good amount of fats. But until now, I haven't reached my goal.
My mom is never my number one fan. She would laugh at me because at the age of twenty-two, I look like a Grade-7. I have an arm which is not the same with a normal arm because mine was somehow crooked because I feel on my bike as a kid. I forgot that I have a broken arm until my mother would instruct me to hold an umbrella or hold something and do not let my arms swing because she said that it will only be visible. I know she just wants what is best for me. I know that she just gave me those advice so that my crooked arm won't be too obvious. But whenever she does that, I would be reminded that ah yeah, I have a broken arm.
At the office, my workmate told me that I look sick and that I'm so thin and even adviced me to eat a lot. God knows I cried to sleep that night because her words were still echoing in my mind.
My bestfriend sent me a photo of me when I was still in college. I was not that then back then. My physique was better back then. She messaged me that I have changed drastically and I'm now so thin. She even asked me the reason.
Just recently, when my roommate came home from work, she told me to eat which I declined because I already eat five minutes ago. She just wasn't able to see me eating. She then added that I would be thinner if I keep on skipping meals.
I don't know if I'm just over- reacting but I do know that when we have no something good to say, we should keep our mouths shut. I mean we shouldn't give opinions especially when it is unsolicited.
I already know for a fact that I'm thin. So thin that I even searched for ways to be fat. Tried drinking multiples kinds of vitamins, maintained a healthy sleeping habit and sticking to a healthy meal plan. God knows how much I pray to be fat. God knows my efforts.
I know that I should take people's opinion as constructive criticism for me to keep on working to gain weight. But before the motivation, I break down first because the words pierced my heart. I'm already having a hard day but here are people rubbing on my face that I'm not enough. Feeding and telling me that I should be something this size for me to be accepted.
If only being bitten by a bee would make me fat permanently, I would do that. My friends, don't worry about me being thin. I don't like being thin too. I appreciate your concerns and advices but I'm already working on it. So please be gentler and kind because this one has a soft heart. Many thanks. I would appreciate if you wouldn't rub on my face that I lack kilograms.
P. S. My mom told me that I am her size when she was still unmarried and young. People would say that I would gain weight when I get married. I don't know if that i true but I'm on the verge of trying out if that works. Yeah, I'm that desperate.
Everything sucks.
Just kidding.
Thanks for reading. Until then!
*Lead Image is from Unsplash.com
If only I can donate my fats to you. Siguro magiging perfect na ang body natin. Aa in boombastic. Hahahaha.
Have you tried yung mga Appebon ba yun? Meron ako nakita sa Shopee noon parang Chubby Choco naman. Meron talagang ganun na mga payat talaga. Meron ako nakatrabaho noon as in literal buto siya tapos ang laki pa ng mata niya na parang luluwa na kasi pati mukha niya parang skeleton na may skin. Malakas siya kumain pero wala talaga hindi siya tumataba. Nung nagbuntis siya, payat pa din siya. Tiyan lang lumaki. Ewan ko kang kung nagkalaman na siya after.
Deadmahin mo na lang mga comments nila. Ako din dinedeadma ko na lang kapag may nagsasabi na mataba or tumaba ako. And ayoko din nakikita katawan ko sa mirror. Maghintay lang sila. Papayat din ako at magkakalaman ka din. 😉