Fear of writing

I didn't write for a week now. And it feels like I have been away for too long. I got these things all over my head and I wanted to write something but there is an unending fear that I would make errors and I wasn't really meant to write and that everything I write doesn't make sense at all. Have you ever felt that?

But today as the fear have lessened and I've got some time to think. I wanted to give it a try if I could create an article with a minimum of 400 words. To see if it would make me feel better and it would make sense.

Did that ever happened to you? One moment you wanted to write and all of the sudden you were afraid and you feel like you don't like it. I didn't meant to caught your attention but I am really new to writing and I wanted to really learn and makes sense. But whenever I tried, the past few days to write, I happened to just lost all the words. This doesn't makes sense thoughts and such come over me.

So what I did was researched, try new things and sleep early. I focused on my work and established discipline to commit on my work solely and understand why it feels like I am a completely different person on the two things that I do.

I like solving numbers and getting areas from solid figures, but I feel like it wasn't entirely likable. And then after focusing to it avoiding thinking about worrying its all there again. But after awhile the focus begins to dissappear. Sorry, I got these habit of doing things from the start then losing interest in the middle and fully rejecting the whole thought, and then realize that maybe it was all absurd and I don't know what I am trying to achieve. And its confusing me. It always boils down the question, 'after these whats next?'.

I feel like a psycho. 😳 Am I?

So I just happen to read some articles here from time to time and be active to noise.cash, if you haven't been there, the site is amazing and also full of wonderful artist. Their arts are so amazing and fantastic. Scrolling over there reminds me that I used to draw some animated characters before. Here's one I hauled from my facebook account last 2015 and some were displayed in our home, I don't think its still in there though. If I can remember it rightly I copied it and draw from the tex card to an illustration board. I used mongol 2 pencil and blackened them with pentel pen. Colored them with pastels afterwards.

After seeing my drawing before, I tried to draw again. Thought that its a good diversion. Instead of animated faces I tried human physical features. Bought a handful sketch pad and a pencil and tried drawing again. And heres what I got for a week that I couldn't find myself to write. Its a good therapy. Then, when I find it hard to draw the bodies. I can't seem to like it again. When things get harder, I wanted out. That what is exactly I am feeling. And I know I am supposed to faced it and not sleep them off, or refused to do them or even tried.

I am writing this because I feel weird about myself and how immediately things are getting easier to worst. I feel worst.

I know these feels absurd and I shouldn't vent it thru here. But I am curious to know, if you could give a simple explanation for whatever I am experiencing. I wanted to continue writing, explore but the fear still lingers. And soon I hope to overcome the fear and share some learning.

Thank you to my readers/subscribers for always reading and thank you to my sponsors for the sponsorship. I am truly happy and grateful that you give it a try and read my thoughts and you find them interesting, when I couldn't. I'd be on the side and and check more of your articles while trying to get back on track.

I'm truly sorry for this. I really needed to pull myself together and amongst all the diversion I know is thru writing.

As always, happy to know that you've reached this far!

Thank you! I hope I didn't scare you! And bore you. 🙈🙈