Nothing to give

It's really true that we can't give what we do not have. Maybe we have but it's not enough to be shared because it ain't enough for our own consumption. I don't understand why people are so fond of asking I mean receiving rather than working to have a penny in their pocket. Sometimes, it's funny because some people are so ungrateful. Even though they are given something, they still have a lot to complain. One example is the cash assistance given to us here. In response to typhoon Odette, the government gave 1,000 php ($20) to each family member. Just imagine how many individuals are affected and we are so lucky to have this cash assistance. However, there are still people who don't know how to be thankful. They aren't contented about the cash assistance and they want more. Yes, I understand that we need cash to fix our damaged homes but they should not rely everything to the government and to other people.

This one is funny but this is another example of how ungrateful people are sometimes and I admit that I am one of these people. During a birthday party or any occasion, some of the visitors still have something bad to say towards the food, the venue and sometimes towards the birthday celebrant's dress. Some will say that the food don't taste good but they ate a lot and even kept some food inside their bags to bring home. Lol. It also happened when one of my high school classmates had her debut and I was surprised I am invited knowing that we aren't close. All of the batch are there so I went too. When the debutant came in, I told the other classmate about her gown that it doesn't suit her for it made her look even bigger. Forgive me for I was that mean before and I realized that it won't lead me somewhere when I make fun of other people. I don't know if this still suits to my title but nevermind anyway. I just remembered and decided to share for I think it has life lessons.

Okay let me get this straight. Have you felt bad because you don't have something to give to your family? Because I do. Before when I was still working, I would always save something to give to my grandma even though half of my allowance is taken. I gave something to them every month and that's why they are used to it like they don't expect the time when I cannot give anymore. I guess this is also the reason why my grandpa sometimes throw a joke that's kinda insulting like he would ask for a coin to buy cigarette but I told him I don't have anything because our money is in my bank account. His response would be "Oy, na pobre na diay ka (Oh! So you have became poor). And I was like, when did I ever get rich? But I just it pass. I know he's just mocking me. Even though he doesn't say it, I am sure he's not that happy that I have my own family now because he thinks that I can't provide them anymore for my own family is my priority. Toxic Filipino culture.

I told my grandma about what happened and she just said I shouldn't take it seriously because my grandpa's reaction is normal. She said I had my own family so early and who would be happy about it? I still have respect towards my grandparents for they are the ones who took care of me so I controlled my emotions and defend myself calmly. I told them that they should not make me, or the rest of my sisters as their investment. We already know that we have to pay back but please, they should not pressure us like we should get rich now. Goodness!

I am still fixing myself and I am on my way to retuning to work so it's understandable that I have nothing to give for now. Why can't they feel that? And if I have something in my pocket, that is for sure reserved for my daughter. I can not give what I don't have. I feel so bad being unable to provide. Being the eldest among the siblings sucks! Pressure is everywhere and I don't want Clea to feel this. I will make sure I work hard, work smart and earn so she doesn't have that feeling of being obliged to provide.

Because I am unable to provide, I have nothing to give, I feel like I am useless.

If ever you are treated like this too, well, be strong! I know God will help us through this. For parents, don't make your kids feel this too. Let them feel all the love so when they grow, they know how to give love too and not pressure.

Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.

Ciao! ❤️