Exhausted forever and ever
I don't know if I will live longer. To be honest, my mind and body are all used up. I'm exhausted. I can't sleep during the day because I have a baby to look after with. Yes, she sleeps during the day but I can't sleep while she is because I have a lot of things to do. I accepted a commission for answering modules and I haven't finished it yet. The owner said she needs it at the end of the month and so I spend my free time finishing the modules.
I also need to resell my friend's online products like clothes and cosmetics so I can have a profit too but then I found out that online selling is not easy especially that I am not good in marketing a product. I can't even make a good caption for my posts on Facebook. Luckily, I have a friend who has many friends and he helped me sell some of the items.
My small earnings out of these hustle will be spent for my baby's needs especially that she knows how to latch on a feeding bottle and this means we should prepare our pockets for the formula milk. I am completely sad letting my baby have formula milk because her, latching on me is our bonding. For sure, I will miss those times when my baby is latching and she's trying to feed me too using her fingers. I will also miss her smile at me in between feedings. Awwww! I don't want to stop breastfeeding my baby but I need to go back to work. If only we have a lot of money, I would be happy to be just at home, nursing my daughter and be a housewife.
Today, I am completely exhausted. My baby woke up early even though she slept late last night. She cried when she woke up and I rose from bed, carried her and prepared her breakfast meal. Yes! I don't know how did I do that but yeah, I steamed the squash, blend it and feed it to my baby afterwards all by myself with my baby in my arms. I guess when we become a mom, we have that super powers already. Lol. I thank God my baby is not picky when it comes to the food I gave her. In fact, she likes veggies so much that she doesn't like to stop eating. She also likes the taste of water. She can't get enough of it.
After I feed my baby, I carried her again and woke my partner to help me because Clea needs to have her bath. I don't know what kind of feeling is this but sometimes, I am quite hesitant to ask help or a favor from my partner. I don't even ask money from him. I know I should not feel this way because we are a family now but I don't know. I only knew someone who I was so open with like I am not hesitant to say everything to him. Well, even if I won't tell, he can already determine so I don't need to ask anymore because he's doing it. And I think that's what I miss about my ex, Steve. He was so caring and he would always do initiative.
My partner helps me though but not for a longer time because his work starts from 2 AM. In short, he needs to sleep early and I will be left awake until my baby sleeps. Ow! My baby usually sleeps at 12 AM just like this evening. When my partner comes home after work, he would again sleep and this gives me a signal that I should give him time to sleep because he woke up early. And I was like, I didn't sleep too! I mean, I am tired and sleepy too. It seems like I don't have the right to complain, to rest because I am a mother.
But as what they said, no one told us to go and multiply. Lol. It's our choice so we must stand for it and accept the fate whatever it may bring.
I guess I'll be forever this way. Tired. Exhausted. Broke. I hope I can get through all of these.
Now I realized that mother's job is not easy. No job can ever equate motherhood. Period.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Amin na ako mag alaga kay Clea hehe. Magiging okay din ang lahat. Tiis lang tayo.