Why Can’t I Entertain Someone?

It’s vacation time again and I have no academic tasks to bear but myself and my family. Yeah, I know, family is the usual word that my readers could often read in my articles, but why not? I mean, I have no choice but to deal with it because they are my focus of attention, especially now that I and my mother are the ones who are only providing and budgeting for the needs of the family. It is quite hard for me because I am just starting to get into the adulting phase but I already got the main purpose of being the first-born child when I was a little. I grew up with a family-oriented clan. We are so close to each other that even small things like the things that others are don’t usually talking about are the usual thing on the table. My childhood is kind of my silent time because I was just a kid that goes with the flow and whenever what thing is served at the table, I will just eat it and follow it. Therefore, I am grateful that my parents are not like the parents I have seen on television. They didn’t force me into the things I don’t want to be in and they know how to confront my wrong moves.

Apparently, when things grow up and age, there were sudden barriers that make life hard. Nonetheless, let us go to the main reason why I still don’t have someone to pursue until now. Actually, the proper description for that should be; why don’t I pursue someone I love? There is someone that I loved before but after all, family is what I chose for my attention. It is still kind of fresh to me right now because I have to know what my priority was. I can’t pursue those things simultaneously because of what condition in my family is happening right now. It’s not my family who chose this decision for me but myself because I think I am still young and fresh for this, after all. Though it still hits me every time there is something that makes me remind of her, I couldn’t push myself toward such things because there are things that need me more.

I already proposed it to my mother. The perfect time I can pursue someone is when I finally got a stable job that I can finally support her and my family at the same time. I can’t let go of my family over things such as this. Especially now, that I am leaving in my teenage years soon. I will be the one who will take care of my family so we don’t have to experience what we are experiencing right now. That’s what I mentioned in my past relationship too. I admitted that I am still weak to support myself to pursue such things because my mother is still the one who gives me money. Thus, I don’t want to still ask for my mother’s help whenever I want to give something to someone. That principle is what my parents also taught me. They are my inspiration in every move I make. Yet, their life lessons are what guide me to have better decisions in most situations and such things.

Maybe, sooner or later, or when fate finally pushes me to pursue such a thing I will finally bite the bait, but with the guidance of their advice. For now, I am still waiting for the right time. I will focus my attention on my mother who needs my help more on financial matters. Adulting is already in my head right now, and we are all heading the same way. We are not aging backward so we can’t avoid whatever the fate destined us to face. There are many things that we need to focus on right now but I will not close myself to the chances I know I was destined for.

Thank you for reading this article.

You can read my previous articles here:

A Day With my Future Professionals.

My Vision for the Next 6 Years.

A Game Changer Called Art.

The Most Stressful Yet Challenging Term of the Second Semester.

The Vacation is Already in Front of Me.