How To Properly Cook Rice

Hello good people of read. Hope you're doing well today. I have been having it rough recently and I've not been able to attend to a lot of things. I'm sorry if I've not been as active as much as I once used to. Hope you guys forgive me. I know you do coz I know you're awesome! Thanks for being so awesome!

Today, I bring you another one from my kitchen. A special place where the don'ts are given priority. I believe in Sherlock Holmes' method. I can't quote him, but it's something about eliminating the wrong options to get the right options. I think that's an obvious but smart way of doing things, hence it's probably an obviously smart way. Don't mind me guys in just joking around. Even I don't understand myself when I'm like this so don't even bother trying.

Anyways I'll be giving you the ultimate instructions on the art of cooking rice. Bear in mind that I definitely hate rice and want you to hate it too. That important information given, let's dig into preparing a meal of your nightmares.

First, you have to talk about the ingredients. First, you have to get rice. But this is the worst decision you can ever make. It ties with not eating spaghetti (unbroken) every time you get the chance! Yes my friends, it's that heinous in Bolu's kitchen rule book which is in fact, the ultimate guide to life in the kitchen. If you decide to carry on with this bad decision, then fine, I'll try to help you do the right thing.

In my country, we have standard cups for measuring rice sorry I don't know the equivalent in other countries, but I think you'll still benefit from this awesome tutorial. So, if you're in any country, measure any medium sized cups of rice and boil it till it turns black. Either add water, or don't to make the blackning faster. Then add half -the number of cups of rice- cups of salt to the mixture.. Water is necessary at this point because nothing is ever truly gruesome without a little dirty wetness. Stir the mixture. If you can stir conveniently, you've not done a good job of cooking the rice so leave on fire a bit longer until the rice is black and has stuck to the pot totally. Remove it from fire.

If you have a sense of what should be -like I do- then you know what's coming. Yes my friends, you throw away the pot with the contents and then burn the refuse in the incinerator because rice is trash!

Disclaimer: I was just kidding guys. I wrote this to show such hatred as I have for rice. In fact, I was going to add that of you had enough money, you should leave the rice on fire for as long as you can till you burn down the house if you have extra houses because cooking rice in a house defiles it, but while that would have shown something closer to my true feelings for rice, I decided it would be too graphic, so I didn't!

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I love you all. You're worth more than all the rice in the world to me.

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