"Until When?"
Understanding is the ability to understand and comprehend something.
Since I reached the maturity age, I have always tried my best to understand everyone in the best way possible. I always think of putting myself in their shoes to understand the situation better. I maybe rant sometimes; of course, I am human and not a saint. I lost patience too. Yet mostly, I still find myself adjusting to the benefit of everyone.
That is why hearing the word someone dear to me says, " I felt sad about your reaction, I thought you understand," breaks my heart. I even saw how his facial expression changed. I can't help but question myself, did I make him sad? What I told him was a normal reaction since I was surprised he decided on something without asking my side. Is that okay with me? Perhaps he was used to always saying, " It's okay, I understand."
Yes, I am trying my best, but UNTIL WHEN? Am I not allowed to say my thoughts? I am not a crying baby. I seldom cry, no matter how complicated the situation is. Yet tonight, just looking at his sad expressions makes my eyes sting. I wasn't able to control my tears from falling. I don't know why. Somehow I feel disappointed in myself as maybe I failed to understand him. Perhaps I was so immature.
However, reminiscing about those things that happened in the past made me realize. YES, I cried because I lost my patience! I felt tired of constantly adjusting and compromising to meet both ends. Could it be US, could it be me this time?
I bow down my head as I don't want him to know I am crying. YET he knows me; I wasn't able to hide. Somehow I knew he was guilty as this was the first time he saw me cry over our fight.
He kept on asking for an apology and stopped me from crying. He can't bear seeing me in that situation. Me being me, the more someone is comforting me, the more I will cry.
I felt so stranger to myself, and this is not ME!
Now he was also agitated while saying some comforting words but demn this tears as it keeps falling.
I don't have a choice but to drop the call; I don't want him to worry about me. The moment the call ended, I was already sobbing. I felt something so heavy in my heart that I needed to release it. Why am I so emotional?
On the other side, isn't they saying crying can lose some calories? So yeah, I cried till my heart was content.
Now sitting on the chair while staring in the darkness, I felt relieved somehow—however, my headache and my eyes sting. I am fine. I think this is just normal in marriage life. It is just my first time experiencing it.
Still, I will always try my best to understand him, the situation his decisions. Until when? UNTIL I CAN! As long as I could still.
Sorry for the negativities this night; I just had no one to talk to. I just got some Sunday Blues.
Part na talaga ng married life ang mga ganitong situation sis kaya nga yung iba na broken family dahil hindi ginawan ng paraan sumuko agad kaya hanggat kaya natin intindihin yung situation and mas habaan pa natin ang pasensya at syempre sabayan ng dasal, and hingi ng guide kay God , iya yan sa mag papa relieved sa atin.