I just wanted to help.

I had read a quote before that states " You have two hands, one is to help yourself the second is to help others". I always believe in it so as much as possible I always try my best to help even in small things. Most of the time, I end up buying something even though I don't need it simply because I pity the vendor. Well my Mom used to be one too, that is how I know it is hard.

Yet most of the time I am always judged as a snob which I understand because I am not friendly in person. Maybe the way I look? Hehe I seldom smile that is why only few people approach me. I remembered last year, I was on my way home and our company driver and one of my office mates were talking about our utility in the office. He didn't have a 13th month bonus as he only resumed from work. So, he didn't have money for Noche buena and I heard his daughter wants to have a new dress. When I heard about it, I felt something in my heart, I know how it feels. Hey I experienced that too so I know the feeling. When I got home, I chatted with our utility and asked for his account number to wire some money. Opss, I don't have a lot, what I had given to him was my budget for Christmas. I was supposed to go out, buy something for myself and probably had a good meal. I was thinking since I am alone, I will just settle at home and order some food at food panda. At least Kuya and his daughter will be happy. Right?

I am not saying that I am generous, no I am not. I am stingy actually but I am willing to help as long as I can when needed.
So last December, my bestfriend asked me if I knew someone who could lend her money as she needed it. She planned to move back to the province because of her mother. She didn't not actually ask if she could borrow money from me. And I, since she is my one and only bestfriend and she is always there for me. Guess what? Yeah you're right, I offered to lend her money. She actually needs $293 but I lend her only $195. She agreed she will be paying me in the January next year.

Then my sister also asked she could borrow $98 from me as she needed some money to process her commission from the house she sold. She is not a licensed broker that is why she needs to pay (tax) at the BIR ( Bureau of Internal Revenue) . Still I can't say no.

And here is my problem.

Last week my husband and I decided to continue the construction of our house. Finishing touches for the wall and flooring or maybe if our budget is enough will include the windows and doors. So hubby told me to settle all the money I lend as we will be needing it. So I chatted with my sister and my bestfriend. My problem started when I read their response. Both of them can't pay me yet and they don't know when. I can't be mad at them as I know they will pay if only they have money. Yet, I don't know how I am going to tell my hubby. I was the one who lent the money and I got it actually from our savings, mostly from his salary. OMG, what I'm I gonna do? Honestly until now I haven't told him yet.

That is the reason why I haven't published an article yesterday. So I check my monitoring of our expenses. Hehe, you might find me weird but yeah, I have a summary. I just want to know where our salary was spent and how much was spent on this and that. While I was doing some balancing, I got worried as I saw a debit on our account amounting to P18,000 ($351) .

I didn't remember sending this amount of money . It was so impossible it was my husband as I was the only one had an access to our online banking. It's impossible for me to spend on online shopping, I never spend that much! I was really worried as I got lost in track in monitoring our expenses last month.

I was beginning to think my account was hacked but then if it was, nothing was left on my account right? So what I did was, I checked all the conversations in my messenger and checked all the photos I sent. And VIOLA!

I was so st*pid . I saw in my sister and I conversation last month that she sent me that amount of money for her daughter's tuition fees. I wired the payment online, her school bank account.
AHhhh, just the previous day I was laughing while reading @Ruffa article about her forgetfulness and here I am too.

Lesson learned?

I really should help only or lend only money that was my extra and never expect to have your money back . Though I already promised my article before, still I can't help. I always feel guilty everytime I say NO, cause I know I have, "letsugas man ni ah".

Yet this time the highest amount I could lend is only $9. That's the only money I can afford to lose. I don't have the heart to force my bestfriend to pay me as she just lost her Dad last year. So financially she is not yet okay. I know she will pay me, maybe in the next few months.
Though I had so many "pautang" I still believe I should not stop helping. Hehehe, just reduced the amount I can extend.

Well that is what I want to tell you for today, and I did talked to my hubby earlier while I am still at the office yet I haven't told him yet. Ahmm, maybe next time. Hehehe.

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