Suicidal Mind

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Avatar for Krizzy
Written by
4 years ago

Is there ever a chance in your life that you feel like this? You feel that you don't want to live anymore? That in your mind you just want to stop everything and just end your life? I know a lot of you may say it's a crazy thought. But for me it's a no. Because I always have this feeling in me. Just hiding inside my head and keep on appearing whenever I'm depress. Eversince I was a child I had this. Yes,maybe a crazy thought for everyone. But for me it's a serious thought that I tried so many times in my life. I just don't know why in those attempt I never ended up dying. There's always a scenario that someone caught me doing it or sometimes I wake up in a realization that I am really afraid to do it or finish it. Maybe,sometimes it's because of the blood that I saw running down my wrist. Because I am afraid of blood maybe that's one of the reason I can't finish it sometimes. Or maybe I am just a lucky bitch that God doesn't want my life to end yet. But everytime I am depress I always have the same thought over and over again in my mind. Just like today if not for my kids. If not for the baby inside my womb. And if not for my son who who is stranger in this house I am more than willing to end all this! I am willing to finish this useless life that I have. Because I can't take it anymore! I am so suffocated and cannot breath at all! I want to scream! I want to cry out loud. But everything needs to remain in my head. I need to pretend I am okay. I need to let them see that everything is okay. That there is no problem at all. That I am happy even though I am not. It's really hard to pretend but maybe I just I have an artist side in me. Where I can laugh,smile and let them see that everything is fine. Even though my heart wants to explode anytime. No,I am not okay! I am not fine just like what you see. But how can I let them know this? If I am just stranger here in this house? If I don't have the right to complain and cry? People thought I am lucky. They thought I am just a happy go lucky one. That I can do anything I want. But that's not true. Because I am like a prisoner here in my head. Thinking of something that I should not. Wanting to end things even if I should not. Please help me oh God! Please help me clear my mind. I don't know until when can I keep it up. I don't know if until when can I hold on to the things that letting me have a sane mind...

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Avatar for Krizzy
Written by
4 years ago

Comments

Did you share these sentiments to your husband? Having someone you can talk with really helps to lighten your emotions. And what do you mean about your son who is a stranger in the house?

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4 years ago

How I wish I can share it to him but it's not easy specially when he is one of the problems. About my son,he is my son from my ex. Means not his biological son that's why he's not part of their family..

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4 years ago

That's sad to know. I think there is a need for you both to clear things out. I know it's easier than done but woth open communication, you can sort things clearly.

I hope your relationship with your family gets better 🥺

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4 years ago

I hope too,anyway thanks for the advice...

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4 years ago

Always look at the brighter side sis no matter how stressful ang life naten,mas madami pa din na mas gugustuhin ang problema na meron ka kesa sa problema na meron sila 😘😘 no pain that will last forever

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4 years ago

Thanks Sis,xenxa na di aq makaopen up sa gc. Gusto q muna manahimik. Ansikip ehh

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4 years ago

bakit mo naman nasabing walang kwenta ang buhay mo..sa mga anak mo palang malaki na ang kwenta.gawin mong inspirasyon ang mga anak mo.maging matatag ka para sa mga anak mo.dahil wala rin silang ibang masasandigan kundi ikaw lang.anak ang nakapagpabuo sa pagkababae natin.malaki pa ang papel mo sa mga anak mo.kaya huwg mong hayaang madala ka s iniisip mo.

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4 years ago

Sila na nga lang ang nagsisilbing rason q para di ituloy ang nasa utak q ehh. Sobrang hirap pero titiisin q para lng sa kanila. Anyway,salamat...

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4 years ago

pray ka lagi kay God sis..soon marerelieve lahat ng stress and worries mo..in God's love.

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4 years ago

I will be praying for you. I have to acknowledge your bravery in sharing your story, your feelings, your true self to us. I am hoping that there is a certain someone, whom you are able to talk about these things. You'll heal, sooner or later. I am with you. Okay?

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4 years ago

Thank you...

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4 years ago

No problem hihi

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4 years ago

Oh God please never think of yourself as a useless person. Please love yourself more than anything else. This lives of ours is the greatest gift that God given us. Don't just let it go in vain. You are worthy! You are love. Dying is never a solution to any problem. You are just making yourself being a coward for running away. Love yourself, forgive yourself and accept yourself. Then make yourself happy.

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4 years ago

Thank you...

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4 years ago

Welcome

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4 years ago

Ending your life does not solve anything. It will only leave problems to those you will leave behind. Life is precious. There are people who are battling everyday, striving hard just to live. Be thankful we are not one of them, so value your life and whenever you feel like you want to end it - pray. I've been in that dilemma several times before and prayer has always helped me. I hope this helps.

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4 years ago

its not the solution i feel that too but im always thinking my child so that i have the reason to hold on..when choosing that scenario you just making another problem how would you handle the result of what you made when your gone already?diba..how would your loveones accept it..do you like them suffer??think everyday there are always a reason to smile and live maybe we are full of problems but try to look for your family..be inspired to them eventhough they stress you just believe in god he had the reason why he dont let you to do it so many times.

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4 years ago