I didn't slap you; I high-fived your face

My cousin can be such a disturbance; constantly pulling my ears whenever I'm laying on the sofa, according to him my ears are fluffy and feels like fresh meat. He sometimes presses presses my biceps and says they're soft like meat and looks edible, my hair suffers the same fate constantly claiming they're super soft and sellable for money in the meat market place. Grrrr... he ca be so annoying that I sometimes feel like pushing him off a skyscraper or a helicopter in mid-air or putting a little bit of rat poison in his food (a quantity that wouldn't kill him but make him co fess his sins to me..🤣🤣.....just kidding). At the time of writing, I'm no longer with him as I had to leave Ondo state to return him to Lagos, but his whatsapp message came through early this morning while I was still asleep, his usual "I want to disturb you" message which I I couldn't ignore.

I'd be introducing some really weird words we use at each other when we're both high at naughtiness; some commonly used words and some we came up with out of a high degree of highness and joblessness. Here we go;

I didn't slap you; I high-fived your face

This one already explains itself so I'd let it slide as I'm too lazy to mention how it works.. I didn't slap you; I only massaged your face eith a high five...🤣🤣

I'd take your picture and sell it to you as an NFT in 50 years time

Weird boy finds it funny but I don't; was doing my usual staring at crypto charts as usual when he suddenly said you're being too serious worh work; I'd take tour picture and sell it to you as a really expensive NFT in 50 years time; at this point I felt like planting the laptop into his face but I passed as I would have to bear the repair consequence...haha... I hate you..

I will plant my feet on your face

Weird boy disturbs pulls my legs whenever I'm laying on the sofa in a bod to interrupt whatever good thing I'm doing and my usual response is "try it one more time and I'd plant my feet on your face" as a stylish way of saying I'd kick step on his face; this can be really tempting but I'm seeking an opportunity to actually do this to him....

You're under my genjutsu

I say this to him most times especially when his demands are more than what I can handle; my realise would be "you're under my genjutsu, go to sleep and wake up after 48 hours"....😩 if only I could lock him in the mirror dimension..... or perhaps put him in genjutsu.... life would be much easier.. lol.

Omae wa mou shindeiru

@Jinifer and @Ayane-chan should know the meaning of this considering they both watch anime, and @meitanteikudo perhaps considering the nema also sound like the name brought of the pages of a Manga... I don't wanna go into details in this part; it's only for anime watchers and jaoanese speakers. Same as this one below;

僕 の ちんちん さわて ください (Boku no chinchin sawate kudasai)

This is another weird sentence in Japanese which I use at him when he says something weird and I intend to get back at him without knowing exactly word to say before hand... I'd simply reply him with 僕 の ちんちん さわて ください and we'd both laugh over it. He didn't know what this means at first until I told him to check it out on the internet.

If you're reading this and you don't know what this means; Google translate is always there for you...but I wouldn't spill the juice myself..afterall it's all fun intended.

I hope Ayane-chan can understand what this means since she already can read hiragana and some not-too difficult kanji.

Exaining to him how my accent is better than John Boyegas'

I have a british accent; a weird one, no matter how hard I try the american accent it just doesn't work with me because the north london accent can be really difficult to push away especially because of the glotted "t" where tue t at the middle of words are eliminated for instance "wa"t"er", bo"tt"le", and having to pronounce words like "think","thanks" and "birthday" as "fink" and "fanks" and "birfday" words like "mother", brother are pronounced like "mo-v-er" and "brover". All cockney accents which are difficult fi me to push away as I've quite gotten used to it due to reasons I wouldn't mention... My cousin tends to laugh at me in cases like these and says my english is a very word one...hey...that's how English is meant to sound so fu*k it!

Me: I didn't look it at this way before but as I approach my "birfday", all you man are my youngers, you man are my youngers bruv.

Him: your English is crap

Me: that's how English is meant to sound

Him: you sound like an outcast...haha..

Me: atleast I my accent is better than John Boyega's.

Him: ..........

Me:..... I win..

Many more words which time wouldn't permit me to share..... I'd continue on the next one...

Almost forgot to mention that my health is still fluctuating but I'm much better than yesterday; though I was about feverish at midnight, I woke up as healthy as a horse. .

Toddles!

Lead image from unsplash