Depression; the comeback

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Avatar for Kristofferquincy
2 years ago

I haven't been depressed in a very long time unfortunately I'm at it again; my last recorded depression was early October, barely a month now and it's back again in full force. Depression so hard that I almost skipped writing today because I have all of a sudden lost interest in anything that used to seem like fun for me, my favourite songs have become boring, those crypto charts are beginning to look like some complex math which I do not want to understand, I've become extremely quiet and I do not feel like I want to talk to or see anyone. Nothing basically interests me at this point but I simply had to force myself up to write this article so I wouldn't have to beat myself up for skipping writing today after all my "yes to writing everyday" challenge still exist, and although I can't control this depression, I wouldn't allow it influence my writing decision irrespective of how boring writing may feel at this moment.

Depression is a real killer, those who have never been depressed in their lives should consider themselves lucky, I sincerely envy them because they have no idea how gifted they are to not experience it. Depression cannot be explained, it simply comes and goes at will and the addiction part begins to come in with time; I have become addicted to being depressed such that I begin to miss it and sometimes feel like being depressed once more because my brain constantly tells me that depression will make me feel better, function better and think better in the hall of logic. It turns out that addiction to depression makes you feel like depression is te next best thing but as soon as it hits again you begin to feel like your life is basically pointless and your existence is negligible. I hate it when I'm depressed and I love it at the same time for reasons I cannot explain; I guess being addicted has warped my mentality and altered my logic about whether depression is good or bad as it has increasingly become difficult for me to decide.

Most people ask if there's something I'm going through or difficult times, most say I have every reason to be happy but I feel it should be known that depression and happiness are different things; depression is situation irrespective, it doesn't matter if you're rich, poor or middle-class, happy, sad, comfortable or whatever terminology describes various situations humans could exist- depression is simply depression and if it's meant for you then there's no escaping it.

Chester Bennington (lead singer for linking park, my favourite band) had everything or almost everything yet he was depressed for most of his life and eventually committed suicide on the 20th of June 2017; which proves that anyone can suffer from depression for no reason at all... Depression can't be explained; sometimes it's almost like there's a missing piece of your life and no matter how hard you try, you just can't figure out what's missing, sometimes it feels like your life is without a purpose, without a direction and you're simply existing while following the flow of life like a dog chasing cars which if it caught one wouldn't know what to do with it.. that's what depression does to you, you'd hardly understand what's happening to you all you know is you don't wanna talk to or see anyone, everything becomes boring and you begin to question your existence. It comes without informing you; one moment you're happy, the next a transformation happens and all things happiness instantaneously vanishes before your eyes like the four dimensional divergence of an anti-symmetric second rank sensor (whatever that means).

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I'm not suicidal; I will not commit suicide like Chester Bennington and some other people whom depression drove down the suicide lane, I will continue to fight it till the end and will eventually get used to it as a part of me if no solution arises. I don't want to see a psychologist or they're simply gonna rip me of my hard earned money and make me go through those meaningless and unending therapy which eventually drives their patients to suicide.

Though this depression may continue but it wouldn't be the end of me as I'd continually come out stronger and better......

I feel alone in this world; no matter how many people I have around me, I continually feel alone....

Was so gloomy throughout the night that I didn't feel like sleeping and this sleep I didn't have until few minutes past 4am. It was a really weird night and had to click on that call button on telegram by 3 am in a bid to eliminate this weird feeling... special thanks to my one and only Japanese-Filipino crush @Ayane-chan for keeping me company via call for about one hour, we talked about various things and this helped with feeling better. The depression wasn't evident in my voice; we both laughed at some point as the conversation was the "next best thing". Even in depression the love for my crush will continually exist and this was evident in the conversation.

Toddles!

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2 years ago

Comments

Oh depression it's really sad,a difficult thing to overcome but yet not an impossible thing to overcome.been depressed really sucks😭it makes you lonely in this big world filled with people.you will get through this dear, keep Fighting,don't forget to talk to God,try to talk to people also. Just want to remind you that there is a purpose God created you,you are unique and useful to your world,and God has plans for you(Jeremiah 29 vs 11) plans to proper you,not to harm you,to give you hope and a future,see you at the top living a happy life again,that's my wish and prayers for you in Jesus name,Amen.

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2 years ago

I'm on my battle against depression too. I want to tell you this, you are blessed to live, you are blessed to be here, and blessed because you are one of God's Creation. Talk to God bro! And he will help us to win this battle. Let's fight this together.❤❤❤

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2 years ago

OMG, depression is a no joke. It's really a killer that id not take action immediately you'll be drown more into your own misery. Just, try to stop thinking that much divert your attention in anything or to your crush. You can do that much rigjt Fighting!

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2 years ago

I don't think @ayane-chan will always be there when I need to talk... she's a very busy lady.. Maybe I need more crushes...lol

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2 years ago

Don't let that happen brother. Fight against it. Depression kills from inside. And don't be a coward guy. Say no to suicide.

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2 years ago

I won't commit suicide; I'd be fine.

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2 years ago

Hey man, please take it easy first. From this write up it really showed the extent and this is what pushed those victims to suicides. As the world is, problem can not finish, even if you have all the money on Earth, you'd still need to battle with some challenges. It's just a matter of being strong and smart. There are different ways to silence depression(yeah silence for the while), just try and talk to people you're cool with. Just like you mentioned the Japanese crush, if possible, get many crushes and free your mind hahah🤣

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2 years ago

Many crushes? 🤣🤣 it's not bad provided you will make the arrangement for me..

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2 years ago

It's hard to deal with depression but we shouldn't let it beat us. Think of a thing that diverts your attention. Hmm, seems like your happy talking with your crush hehe

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2 years ago

It's not really easy to think of something to distract you during depression. Yeah... I was happy while talking to my crush but depression is like an artificial intelligence system which adapts to the next source of happiness and forces it's way out once more.

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2 years ago

I agree with you Kristoff as depression can be happen to anyone regardless of social status and it was not a joke . It was also hard to recover once you're in the situation. I experienced it before but mine was triggered of to much sorrow I guess. It takes years before I could say I am perfectly fine. In your case maybe something has triggered your depression . I will be including you too in my prayers and hoping you will be fine the soonest

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2 years ago

I'm glad I was of help.

$ 0.10
2 years ago

Thank you so much; the depression wasn't evident in my voice but talking to you made me better.

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2 years ago