I woke up late earlier just because I slept late too. I think I sleep around at 1:00 am because of our serious talks. As I woke up, I feel so dizzy and I feel my eyes swollen. I hurriedly put my mirror on my face and there you go my eyes really swelling seriously.
We are not that close to my brother since we were young. Actually, we are like tom and Jerry keep fighting everyday. I remember we were about punching and hurting each other. There's no love expressing between the two of us. As in our space has no amount of closeness.
He is the eldest among of three children. I was the second from him and we have one youngest sister. So, we are only three children from the family. I feel hatred to my brother before because of our relationships hasn't established so well. We even don't care to each other and we should keep ourselves in distance in order not to fight. Truly, we really hate each other.
We always fight when it comes household chores most especially in washing dishes. We keep pushing each other that its my or its his schedule to wash. Hahaha I remember we made a schedule plan of our washing dishes, cooking the rice and whatsoever chores that need to do. But still the fights always exploding haha.
But time had change, the wind blows of change and the quarrels turns to vanish. We are now expressing love to each other as we grow differently.
The way I hate him, he is now my inspiration.
Back again last night, he is my chatmate. We talked a lot of random things and our conversation lasted in the middle of dawn. Actually, he chat me because he has something to ask if I have funds in my gcash wallet but unfortunately, my e-wallet is empty. And then that was our conversation started.
The first thing we talked about is our mother haha. We are just talking about our mama. And then I did something rants about the family side of our father too. Hahhaa well we are just exchanging rants to ourselves. I told him that why our aunts couldn't live in the village and find a job in order for her to sustain the needs of her child and her wants. I was came reacted in that way it's because she keep asking any donations or sponsorship of a certain thing. I observe to her that whatever what she wanted and whatever her plans she keep asking on our group chat. I feel like why she cannot make her first before asking others. I mean she can applied work or make some way in order to earn but sadly she doesn't have plan about it. She is a single parent and she lived with to our grandparents. There's no breadwinner on that family since our tatay is already old. They were just relying the sari sari store. In my opinion, why she can't make any way since she has a daughter that will surely enter college. Why she cannot think for the future of her child at this early times? Well, my brother reply also that he observed the actions of our aunt and he don't like it too.
That was our serious ranting to our aunts. Another thing that we talked about again is our family.
We shared to my brother that papa has no work at all. He don't have work since the pandemic started. My brother started sharing about that our parents has no plan to lift up our family from the poverty wherein they are contented of what we had. He even told me that he felt envy those family who bonds together on tiktok. I feel him on that way because we are longing the attention and care from our parents. But then I told him that despite of our longingness we are still blessed by not experiencing the most poorest of the poor.
And then he said again, it's hard for him to say No for our parents whose asking some amount even he don't have already and he was just only eating "pandesal" this statement made me crumpled into pieces. Seems like my heart broke so much with pain and I cry out loud in the silence. It's hurt knowing about in this situation because I already experience this things that eating while pitying myself. I was crying last night with the things we've encountered to my brother. We are both struggling in the silence for the goodness of our family. It was just a bit painful for we were longing those attentions to our parents but then again we choose not to open up and stya respectful to our parents. We both knows that everything will gonna be fine and taught us to become more independent and family oriented. I do admire my brother as he said that he will not get married until I wasn't got hired from my profession because he knows that I will made it in the right time. No matter what we've been through to our family, my brother is still there supporting our needs and he became breadwinner to our family at this pandemic.
My brother and I seriously talks of what are the best life in the future. I even told him that do not be contented of what we have life right now because if ever we've become contented of being poor, there's no such thing progressive life at the end. We should keep dreaming by upgrading life and do not let happen again of what we've been through.
Thank you for reading!