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Last night was unusual and something wasn't good I felt. It was so heavy to carry on my heart. It feels like crumpled me to the highest level. I couldn't explain how things come up in that serious emotion wherein unexplainable feelings that I cannot handle.I was exploded by my feelings.
Tears falling out nowhere. I'm so flattered the way I felt because it was just I'm tired of everything that night. All I wanted to do is cry and cry without knowing any reasons it because it was so heavy like carrying the world upon on me. I just don't know why.
I remember I suddenly type this phrase with tears falling;
Some days would feel so blue,
some days would feel like nothing, some days would feel so weary.
I don't know how to handle this some dayssss🥺
Some days I feel so weak! But I need to kick just like I want to break.
Give me more power and strength🥺
I don't know why it came out like that wherein I am just staring my phone and move my finger without any words came in my mind, just only the feelings tells. It was so unusual thing of mine even me, myself wouldn't explain why I became like that. I feel so pity about myself why I came out in this situation.
Do you know why ?
Breakdown attacks! I'm in the four corner wiping my tears and cry it out loud into silent way. Why it came back again? Feels like uncontrollable!! I am in the middle of painful. So much painful! You know what, the most painful part is crying out loud in a silent way to the point that your heart was crampled into very pieces. I feel like alone and burdened. I'm in the moment of calling God while crying, I remember I uttered this line 'Lord please help me! Please stop this emotions! I'm tired!😭 because swear I cannot control how that feelings goes that way. Literally I'm having breakdown. I just let myself cry and cry until I get tired. I just let it out without thinking that my eyes will gonna swollen just like tired tarsier hihi kidding! Yeah!
It wasn't as easy to deal about this serious emotions. I just don't know what is the reason behind on it. All I know was I'm tired of everything that seems like useless.
I am trying to control it. So, what I did is praying. I pray and have my rosary on me. I did the rosary together with the guide. Actually, I am praying with rosary every night. After that, I rest myself as early. I put back again the rosary under my pillow. So, suddenly I fell asleep without knowing. But then again I woke up at 3:00 am still I feel the heavy of my heart and I feel like not okay, so I grab my rosary and hold it until I slept. Amazingly, I wake up that the rosary still in my two hands. I feel so humble. I never felt that I was in my dark moment last night. I feel so good in the morning. I am so thankful with God that He is with me along my emotions that driven me crazy.
Whatever situation may throw on me, still I can make it through the power of God. No matter how emotions driven us, we should always hold our faith on him.
God is amazing! He will always answer our prayers, just keep focus on him. God is good all the time and He is so faithful.