Date: December 14, 2021
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Since the beginning, you were there watching over me, giving what I crave and giving you sleepless but you never complained instead you were happy every time I made progress. I may not see you but I know in my heart it is you. It is you who protects the whole cost. It is you who taught me lessons in life. It is you who is always cheering me up that I can do it. It is you who taught me to dream high. It is you who secure me in the midst of battle.
Our first meeting was the most unforgettable. I can feel how happy you are and how excited you are that you even cry because of too many emotions after seeing me. From that moment you didn't take your eyes over me. You always watch me, care for me, cherish me and love me more than yourself. Is it possible to love someone more than yourself? Yes it is, he is the proof of it and I know until today many like him are visible. You are the first man I feel so in love with until today and forever. You never heard me saying "I love you" even when you leave and never come back. It may sound corny but for the first time since you left I wanna let my heart speak and pour out all the hidden emotions.
I will not greet you formally co'z I know you don't like it , it makes you cringe as you always respond to me. I don't know where to start because thinking back all our memories makes me happy but a big portion is sad. I am sad cuz I really miss you to the point I want to hug you tightly and I want you to be by my side overcoming those ups and downs. Be by my side unlocking those dreams and achievements.
For 5 years, we shared many things that led to our closeness. You open up almost everything but what I love the most is when you always need me every single day. 5 years of fighting until vividly, 13th day of December it was yesterday when you totally surrender and give up.
Losing you means losing half of me co'z you built that half. My mind cannot process the happening and my heart neglects every attempt of processing. Until the last day of seeing your face I made myself in denial that it would last 3 months before finally accepting that you've gone already. I tried so hard to not go deeper co'z it will awaken everything like what happened today.
"Thank you for all you've done in life from the life lesson that I forever carried. Thank you for making me feel so blessed. Also, I'm so sorry for disappointing you. I'm so sorry for not telling you much means you are to me. I'm so sorry for not telling you I love you despite everything you've done. I'm so sorry for all the lapses as a child. You know how much I regret not telling you "I Love You" and it haunts and serves a lesson to me. You are not here physically but the things you imparted will forever here in the heart especially for the living proof of till death do us part love story.
Papa, it's been your 7th year's death anniversary but everything happened yesterday. I miss you so much Papa but as what you taught us being weak is an option but giving up is not in the option. I love you Papa and Mama loves you so much co'z I've seen it through her eyes. Pa, you are the man I love that never comes back.
Supposedly this is must be publish yesterday co'z it was his death anniversary but I stop typing co'z my heart can't control to cry as the memories flashbacks. Early, Mama decided to go to the mountain where Papa and Kuya's grave is. 5:30 in the morning we started hiking to avoid Mr. Sunny rising, which made us feel more tired and exhausted. We just bring food for breakfast and lunch. Around 12:30 pm we decided to go back because the wind became stronger and might trigger some coconut falls. I enjoy watching them. Coconut trees are dancing gracefully.
Mamasko po🙈 Advance Merry Christmas and Happy New Year🎉
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Lead image from Unsplash.