The Reasons For Leaving

April 28, 2021

It's been three years, seven months, and seven days that I have been working abroad. The main reason why I chose Hong Kong is to have an easy step to Canada. Another reason is I want to explore different parts of Asia, then countries outside this continent. That was my dream, my goal, but as I stayed longer in this foreign land, I felt sad and lonely.

Then I realized that achieving dreams can't be called an achievement if deep inside you are sad and lonely. There are many ways to fulfill dreams and goals without compromising happiness. I may be happy while exploring this territory, but the happiness is just temporary. As I get back to my own cocoon, a feeling of being isolated and suffocated arises inside this weak body.

Is this really what I want? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Until now I still don't know my real passion, I still don't know where to land. I just keep on flying and searching for my ideal destination. I can't find the ideal one maybe because I am looking for something I want without noticing that the real one is just in front of me, and I am just ignoring it.

After the one-week ultimatum, I finally made an answer. Staying here longer won't help me fulfill my dreams and goals. It will only compromise my happiness, my health, and the opportunity to explore the world while I am still capable and kicking.

One week ago I was told by my boss to extend my working contract for another one year. She actually looked like begging me to stay. I can't blame her, as I became close to her family already. However, there are things that I don't like working with them. Something that runs in the blood of Chinese people.

They said they trust me, but NO, they don't. Well, they never trust Filipinos because of negative happenings in my country. They have visited different places in Asia, but they never visited the Philippines. Do you still remember the bus incident where a Filipino killed Hongkonger tourists inside the bus? It will remain forever in their minds. And the recent incident where a policeman killed a mother and son following a dispute. This family doesn't even trust their own family members, why would they trust others? That sucks.

And I have said to myself before, why would I work in a company or a place where people don't trust me? It just a pain in my ass. Maybe they trust me because I even extended my contract, but not the whole time, and I don't want to deal with that kind of attitude. And I proved that when the former caregiver went back to the Philippines and they talked negative things about her even if that lady has been so closed to them. She even called them mommy and daddy. But this couple never treated her fairly behind her back. And they might do it with me as well once I leave this house.

They lied in front of me. One thing I don't really like is when people are lying in front of me, and I apply this to everyone, not only to my employers. You can lie in front of me, but it doesn't mean I'm a fool to accept it. My mind will only say, 'I wasn't born yesterday, I'm not a fool as you think I am.' I will just ignore it because I never argue with them. I don't even want to talk as much as possible.

They don't value time. Before I thought that time is gold for Chinese people. Maybe it is, but as the kid said, "Chinese do value time, but you just meet a wrong family." The only person who values time here is the head of the family. Maybe because he is the one working and providing for their needs. He also valued money, as he started from scratch until he becomes rich. And I feel pity for him because his family doesn't value time and money that much.

They quarrel over small things and make it complicated. One of the Chinese attitudes is this one. Not only in this family, but some are even quarreling, shouting, fighting in the streets. They don't care about that because they own this territory. And I am a person who doesn't like hearing people shouting and quarreling over small things. Every time I heard them quarreling, I'm just pretending that I don't hear them. But deep inside I want to shout, "can you stop quarreling?" Of course, I won't do that.

They lack consideration. Another thing when they are quarreling is they don't consider the time. Sometimes they are quarreling in the middle of the night where it should be the rest time. I'm always like, "Hey guys I want to sleep, can you do it tomorrow morning?" But again, I won't say that to them. But deep inside I'm totally mad because the night is for resting and they should not make loud noises because even our neighbors can hear them as well. And I can't sleep well when they are noisy.

That's the main disadvantage when you prefer to stay in than to rent outside. If the rentals are not expensive, I wouldn't live with them because I know, they will not consider other people than themselves.

It's quite unhealthy living in a noisy place as I am a person who likes a peaceful one. Although I can control my emotion here, but it's stressful to my mind. But I am still thankful that one of the family members is always trying her best to buy my smile. And that's the only time that I am happy if I am with her. But then, I have a patient to handle so not all the time we can be together.

But if I will compare them to other families, I can say that I am luckier. They are actually good but of course with negative sides. They are generous in other things such as foods, but not with money. Lol

And I found the main reason to leave this place, I need to fulfill my ultimate goal without compromising my happiness and health.

I can travel around the world, maybe not this time, but in due time. And I need to work harder to achieve that, not in this place, but in a place where real love and happiness can be found - at home sweet HOME.