You had known me as an optimist, a person with dreams and ambitions. I always try to conquer the obstacles in my way. I always try to divert my way from a perilous path. I always try to win every battle of life. I always try to climb an arduous trail and finish a strenuous ride. I always set my goals and push myself to pursue my passion. I always try everything to succeed, but I was unaware that I was already pressuring myself and following the wrong path.
Just like a kid who made a dream when he was younger. A dream which is associated with what he wants to become when he grows up. But as he matures, his aspirations decrease due to a lot of factors. And just like anyone else, at some point in our life, we are forced to stop and turned towards an unclear destination.
I thought I was doing right. I thought I was on the right path. I thought I can achieve everything. I thought I can be positive in this world full of negatives. I thought I was pursuing my passion and goals, yes I was, but I was already putting pressure on my shoulders.
A pressure that was already straining my whole well-being. Pressure like a stain that's too difficult to wash. A pressure that's too heavy but I still chose to lift it alone. We all have the option to reach a helping hand, but I chose to grab my own as I don't want to owe anyone.
Every time I saw people achieving their goals, a feeling of envious is started to form. Every time I saw someone happy, a feeling of hatred started to build. I was in a hurry to reach my goal and begin to doubt the process. The optimistic me started to fade because I was chasing things not supposed to be chased.
And as I look back, realizations bring me to the place where I started. A place where I started to set a goal. A place where I started to build a dream. A place where I started to pursue my passion. And in that place, I saw the reasons why I came this far - my family, my real dreams.
I built a goal for my family. To give them a more comfortable and better life and to see my siblings achieving their dreams and ambitions. This journey started because of them, and that I should always bare in mind.
I dreamed to travel the world, I dreamed to pursue my passion, I conquered this all to make my dreams come true. But on my journey, the luminous fire that lights my way started to diminish and darken my path. I began to stumble onto things that I shouldn't touch. And those things made my mind restless and desirous of other stuff.
But then I fell and knocked my head on the wall. I've realized that I was heading in the wrong way and became anxious about pursuing my passion.
Sometimes we really need to be struck by the lightning to get us back to our senses. If I have continued to put pressure on myself, then I won't gonna reach my ideal goal. Because along the way, that pressure will going to be heavier as I continue the journey, and I might just give up in the middle and won't reach my ideal destination.
It really feels better to travel with lighter baggage on our shoulders. We can turn sideways, up, or down anytime but we can still manage to follow the right path. There will be storms in every journey but it doesn't mean that we need to stop just because the rain is heavy and the wind is strong.
We should always remember that storms won't be forever and sometimes, those storms are made not to ruin our journey, but to clear our path. And once we withstand the storm, we won't be the same person as we walked in, because storms can make us stronger and a better person.
These realizations I have been posting lately are based on my experience. So my apology if I have been spamming this platform with Realization101.
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Lead image from http://www.womanatics.com/how-to-deal-with-parents-pressure-for-marriage-and-pursue-your-dreams/