Tired of Being Bullied

I am really tired of being bullied. Why it happened? What did I do wrong? Am I not deserve to be happy? Am I deserve to be bullied? I don't know. All I need is to be normal like other people but why? I couldn't defend myself. I'm really weak. Everytime they bullied at me, I wanted to fight, to defend myself but why I couldn't do it.

I was sitting only there while crying. I have a lot of questions in life, in myself. Why it would happened? I'm really tired this kind of life. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of being scared. I'm really tired of being lonely. I'm really tired of being nervous. Why?

When I was in first school year, they were always bullied me. I didn't know what could be their reason. I didn't tell about it to my parents. I hide it. I didn't want them to know about my situation. I didn't want them to know. I always cried. Everytime my parents were there I fastly hide in my room. I was really scared that they would know what happened. I only locked myself at my room. Spent there while having my tears in my eyes. It was really hard.

Everytime I went to school I was really afraid. I have a trauma already. I felt worst. I felt shaking everytime I have my nervousness. I felt weak. I felt horrible pain. Too painful. I asked again and again. What could be the reason? I asked myself "Is this the path of life I had?"

Tears always with me everyday. I didn't do a mistake so that they will bully me. Am I doing wrong? No I haven't. Why? They looked at me all so down. I was stock and I need to go out but I didn't know how. Which way would that be?

I didn't know! I'm tired of trying because if you will try, the pain would be the exchange and it became worst. It wasn't good. It will worsen the situation. I'm afraid to take a new step again because I know at the end, it will be useless.

When I was in highschool, I thought everything will change but I am totally wrong. It wasn't. I experience bullies many times from my classmates. It was the most painful. I expect a brighter one but it was ended a darkest one. Everything wasn't a good image. It was all painful images. Didn't expect that it would happened again.

I thought that they were all my real friends but I was really shocked because they were laughing at me. I didn't expect it! They cared for me. They supported at me but it was all fake. They pretend only to be good and the truth all of it was their plan. I didn't aware any about it. They hurt me a lot! They make my heart into pieces. The most painful experiences I have in my life!

Highschool life was dark. I am wrong because I expect something good to happen but still it was the same. There was one time, they wanted me to speak a words and I was really confused what could be the reason. When I speak it, they took me videos suddenly that make me shock. I was speechless about what happened. I didn't know why they were laughing at me then the videos spread out to our classmates. I was really ashamed. I cried silently and I hide myself from them.

It was the time I realized that they were all fake. I treat them as my real friends but they weren't. Everything was just an acting so that they could fooled me easily. It was so painful. I couldn't believe it!

It was my mistake because I trust them easily. I couldn't blame myself too because I just wanted to experience to have a real friends. I thought it was a dream came true but a big opposite! My mistake!

There were a lot of questions in my mind. Why they never felt scared while they bully a person? Why there are people like that? I am really confused why it make them happy while they were hurting people feelings. How those things make them happy? What's in their mind? Why they did that?

I experience those people who got bullied. I could say it was really painful. It will give you a trauma that it will never be fade easily. It's always at you!

This is only a fictional one.

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Thank you so much. I hope I give you some worthy time with this article of mine.

God bless everyone. Stay safe always.🙏

-JRamona20 💜