I am living with a lie
I feel I have no one wish I die
Messy life, always down
Still fighting, tho it's hard
But light of hope is soon be gone
My existence was a lie
I heard them talk they didn't know
I am crying,
But still their voice
Is echoing over and over
Do you think I was loved?
No! Because I was never theirs
The mother I know is not my Mama
The father I know is not my Papa
Now I know why am always excluded
I want to feel loved even for once Mama, Papa. Can you make this child's selfish wish come true? Even if I am not from your blood.
Do you know I'm always crying because of how my known siblings treat me? They taunt me, laugh at me without reasons, whispering like I am not near to them. But it's okay, as long as I know that you love me, am okay with it.
But my wish was never heard. Because I was not theirs. I am not their blood, I am just me, all alone, crying begging that even for once, I get their love.
I am thinking of a solution if how they will notice me. Am sure they will notice me now. Am sure I will finally be loved. Am sure they will look at me as their blood.
Mama Mama, Papa Papa!!! Can you love me now? Can you treat me as your child now? Am your blood now?
I don't know why ther were looking me like that. They are not smiling and I think I did something wrong.
They are not moving, but their eyes become bigger. It's as if I eat their fav'rit cat, but off course I did not
Mama, Papa why? Did I do something wrong? Am your blood now, we can be a happy family now right?
I move closer to Mama, but he push me. I hug my Papa but he shove me. And that's were I know, I really did something bad.
I feel scared
They are crying
I do nothing
I just watch them
And my tears start to pour
I can't get their love
Is something wrong with me
Maybe I need to die first
Maybe they will love me if I die
They will be happy, but I'm gone
I blink my eyes
I let myself cry
I wipe my tears
It stop now
I can end it now
I look at the knife in my hand. It has a lot of blood. I do everything but I never get what I want. So I better stop it now. I gaze at them, I smiled but they were crying. Even in my death, they won't give me their love or even just their smile. They are pouring all of their emotions in crying. I wish they will cry at me like that in my coffin.
I smiled, I hold the knife. And before I struck the knife in my neck, I look at them first lovingly -- and as my eyes is closing while my blood is bursting. I saw them held my little brothers head, unaattached to his body, pale as if the blood was sipped from his body.
"Do you know I'm always crying because of how my known siblings treat me? They taunt me, laugh at me without reasons, whispering like I am not near to them. But it's okay, as long as I know that you love me, am okay with it."
I've been experiencing this since I was a child, there's a question always why they r like that. I can't do anything but to be quiet.