Mama, Papa Am I your child?

I am living with a lie

I feel I have no one wish I die

Messy life, always down

Still fighting, tho it's hard

But light of hope is soon be gone

My existence was a lie

I heard them talk they didn't know

I am crying,

But still their voice

Is echoing over and over

Do you think I was loved?

No! Because I was never theirs

The mother I know is not my Mama

The father I know is not my Papa

Now I know why am always excluded

--

I want to feel loved even for once Mama, Papa. Can you make this child's selfish wish come true? Even if I am not from your blood.

Do you know I'm always crying because of how my known siblings treat me? They taunt me, laugh at me without reasons, whispering like I am not near to them. But it's okay, as long as I know that you love me, am okay with it.

But my wish was never heard. Because I was not theirs. I am not their blood, I am just me, all alone, crying begging that even for once, I get their love.

I am thinking of a solution if how they will notice me. Am sure they will notice me now. Am sure I will finally be loved. Am sure they will look at me as their blood.

--

Mama Mama, Papa Papa!!! Can you love me now? Can you treat me as your child now? Am your blood now?

I don't know why ther were looking me like that. They are not smiling and I think I did something wrong.

They are not moving, but their eyes become bigger. It's as if I eat their fav'rit cat, but off course I did not

Mama, Papa why? Did I do something wrong? Am your blood now, we can be a happy family now right?

I move closer to Mama, but he push me. I hug my Papa but he shove me. And that's were I know, I really did something bad.

--

I feel scared

They are crying

I do nothing

I just watch them

And my tears start to pour

I can't get their love

Is something wrong with me

Maybe I need to die first

Maybe they will love me if I die

They will be happy, but I'm gone

I blink my eyes

I let myself cry

I wipe my tears

It stop now

I can end it now

--

I look at the knife in my hand. It has a lot of blood. I do everything but I never get what I want. So I better stop it now. I gaze at them, I smiled but they were crying. Even in my death, they won't give me their love or even just their smile. They are pouring all of their emotions in crying. I wish they will cry at me like that in my coffin.

I smiled, I hold the knife. And before I struck the knife in my neck, I look at them first lovingly -- and as my eyes is closing while my blood is bursting. I saw them held my little brothers head, unaattached to his body, pale as if the blood was sipped from his body.

Mama, Papa

11/16/2020 9:47pm