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Comfort in the moon

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Written by   502
1 month ago

I can't seem to find a good prompt or idea to base off today. Probably because I'm still too concerned with my injured thumb and the fact that I don't feel too good because being stranded for 1.5 hours gave me a bit of a cold... So I think I'll be posting something I revised for a lesbian tragedy months ago. It was rejected, of course, but The feedback from them was helpful. Anyways, enjoy!


I never could have imagined myself being like this as a child, but as I grew older I came to trash the idea that love only existed between males and females. Never had I been so wrong in my life. Around the age of 15, I first found attraction to a girl. Or more like… I became fascinated with one at first. Although I, myself, was a girl too, I never perceived myself as such.

She was everything I never was and everything I wanted to be. Perhaps it was just jealousy, my mind whispered to itself. Perhaps I just wanted to be popular as well, but it didn't seem the case because popularity would require me giving up some aspects of my hobbies. And I never wanted that. I simply couldn’t imagine myself ever giving up my artistic side for the shallowness of popularity. But then, being popular could mean that I’d have more opportunities to get close to her. But it seemed too far-fetched with what reputation I had already established in my junior high life.

But I still couldn’t deny the fact that my gaze would always fall upon her, or I would just subconsciously seek her out from the corner of my eye. Oftentimes I stole glances of her as breaks were given in between classes. And there would be times I would look up my friends in the same class as hers as an excuse to see her more. Eventually, I came to ask her to be my model for my sketches. She never replied and I passed it on as a joke, but she did know my reputation in arts and she very well respected that. I was honestly surprised that she even heard about me when I was counted as the isolated weir girl from class B. Yet I was thankful and it spared me the embarrassment of having to explain in detail.

I showed her my sketches, and ever since, we would stay after school and she would choose the best locations where I could sketch her. They weren’t good ones, but she seemed to enjoy the attention. And for the first few times, I sketched her, I was quite embarrassed. Was I even allowed to look at her this much-

She found out we took the same route home so eventually, we fell into the pace of walking home together. The closing distance surprised me more so than anything that's ever happened in that year and I was always left wondering if I should be grateful for it. It also expanded the locations where I could sketch her and each time I presented my finished sketch, she would be ecstatic at how I could capture her in such fine details. If only she knew how I saw nobody but her.

My attraction for her grew as the days passed by. I saw and embedded into memory much more than she would ever hope for and much more than she would ever know. I was positive by then. I was falling for her.

It took me months, maybe an entire year before I ever gave thought to tell her this. Even I was in shock. I needed much more time for this and oftentimes, I would climb up on the roof to ask the moon and the aloof clouds for guidance. It never did help but something about the clouds in the night sky always managed to give me peace.

On the day I resolved myself to admit things that needed to be said, she just looked at me in horror and she was shocked that all that time spent together, such a thing was my motive all along. I was misunderstood and was frowned upon. I consulted to the evening sky once more that night and hoped it would help me this time. It gave me nothing but silence. If silence was the answer, maybe I should stay silent. I nodded to myself and stood on the window ledge. I jumped. And as I fell, I was greeted with the same evening sky that had comforted me in all those times. I'm glad to have seen such beautiful clouds illuminated by the moon before everything went black.

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Written by   502
1 month ago
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Comments

I didn't expect the ending. That's really sad. You made it more "acceptable" though by how you wrote it.

$ 0.05
4 weeks ago

Romanticising some things always makes things look acceptable though and I think I got the hang of that after writing so many stories

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

It was unexpected from you 😅 you told us another side of you... I did liked a girl before. But not literally a girl coz she's a lesbian. Even younger than me 🤣 She courted me and I slowly liked her. But then she suddenly gave up coz she liked her classmates more than me.. Lol.

$ 0.05
4 weeks ago

Ehh so she has lots of crushes Pala 😂😂 buti Di mo sinagot. I'm just sad binusted ako but I did date girls in college

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3 weeks ago

Bi ka pla 😁 sayang naman beauty mo haha.. Gayan ng kapatid ko

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3 weeks ago

Eh? I have beauty? 😂😂😂 I think it will just be a phase sa kapatid mo? She might turn out bicurious Lang talaga then she'll be straight after

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

That just went from very cute to very heartbreaking in just a paragraph, damn I should have looked at the intro more before hopping into reading the story. It was well written tho.

I'll be catching up on your works that I haven;t read for now, I have enough time on my hands

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Lol you know me and the kind of tragedies I write by now 😂😂😂 but it's nice to see you around tho. I've been waiting for you to finish skar before I read again 🤣

$ 0.00
1 month ago

You still do that? 😂😂😂 I don't know when I'll finish, a few more chapters maybe?

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1 month ago

Yeah I do 🤣 I get pretty impatient and I don't like it so I'd rather wait it out than forget the parts of it

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1 month ago

True 8 constantly have to check past chapters while writing because I forget things I'm not very organized while writing

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1 month ago

And this is why I don't write a series without finishing all the chapters in one seating 😂

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1 month ago

Ah, the struggle is real 😂😂

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I am so sorry, Cell. It takes courage for you to open up but at least, you did. Not everyone would feel the same way and she might want to start being careful around you which might hurt even more but you are a big girl, I believe you will be fine.

Sorry about your thumb too.

$ 0.05
1 month ago

That was from years ago 😅 we still became friends after and she still let me sketch her from time to the but there was a distance. She still went to see me during college tho and it was nice UwU

$ 0.02
1 month ago

Awww... I am glad you both still managed to at least stay in touch for the sake of friendship. That's great.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Yung moon nalang tanging makakausap mo kahit dika kausapin pabalik sakit mafall tapos dika sasaluhin.pero in the first place di naman talaga attention ng babae na mafall si girl sa kanya. Ganda ng story.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Ohhh morbid... If it is about gender. I see myself as pansexual. I mean I do fall for guys but not I won't like someone just because he's a guy... I see people by their whole being and not by their gender or sexuality.

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Same same. I'm actually demisexual so I lean more on personality than anything. Gender isn't really such a big deal either

$ 0.00
1 month ago

This is heartbreaking. It would have taken you lots of courage to open up to her as you did.

$ 0.05
1 month ago

But that's an ancient story now though so it doesn't really matter much anymore

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1 month ago

Ouch that is heartbreaking 😔

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Yuppp it hurt like hell when she shouted at me too 🤣🤣🤣

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1 month ago

Awww 💔💔 heart break 👀👀👀 it really is hard to fall in love with the same sex knowing she or he will not reciprocate the love you can offer 👀

$ 0.05
1 month ago

It happens though. At least we kinda stayed friends after but she put up that no homo protection around her 🤣

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1 month ago

Wow, another misunderstood love. What a sad ending. She could not live with the denial of the one she loved.

$ 0.05
1 month ago

It hurts to be rejected by the same sex more (based on experience) so it kind of hits harder compared to if a man were to reject you

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1 month ago

The truth is that what I do remember is the pain of being rejected by someone I liked. But I never dabbled with my own gender. I don't know why this wasn't so noticeable before. Now it is more visible and better accepted.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

The world wasn't so open to homosexuality or bisexuality at the least, before. But rejection is still rejection and it will always be painful

$ 0.00
1 month ago