24 hours of No Socmed

February 5, 2022

I remember last night, I was browsing from messenger to Facebook, Twitter, Weverse, YouTube and TikTok. Those are all the social medias I visit everyday. It is always a complete attendance activity like I have a checklist of all the social media I visited everyday. How I wish thsses social media's or Socmed pay me for a visit, I will be even more active. However, there was something posted last night that made me upset and I don't want to see that post so I am not roaming around.

I neve thought a certain post will make me feel bad. I feel bad to the point that I literally cried last night while sleeping. I gathered all the tears and now it leave a stain on my pillow. Of course I changed the cover of my pillow now. I don't want to remember that I cried last night.

My cry last night is not even a simple tears. It is not the normal tears that used to pour out my eyes. It gave me headache and I was dehydrated the morning I woke up. As soon as I woke up, I remembered it again and I felt upset immediately. I don't want to ruin my morning so I try to hide what I feel. Good thing, today is a busy day for me that I will surely have no time to check on social media. Why would I check anyway, I avoid it today.

What I did was to make a folder of all the social media I visit. I hide all the apps there. In this way I will not be tempt to visit any of it. While hiding them all I felt sad that I need to do it today but I realized maybe I will just do it for a day, until I am freed from being upset. I am not the only one feeling this way though, but I know I am the only one that is not visiting any social media's and hiding all my apps.

While I was hiding Instagram, I accidentally open the site and there it goes, the face of a person I don't want to see showed up and I rushed enough to exit the site. I even accidentally opened TikTok and the same thing happened, I rushed to close it immediately because the person I am avoiding to see shows up. He is the only person appearing on my social media and I dont want to see him for now.

There are discussion on chatroom that I was not brave enough to read. Even the release of their OST for today for their webtoon, I can't listen to it. I can't support him for today. Let me be absent in supporting him fo today. I wonder if I will get used to it. Even my best friend in chatroom, I exit and deleted all the chats there because I know we will be talking about him. She is upset too. In order for us to move on from that kind of feeling I deleted the chat. I'm not checking the chatroom or our GC too dedicated for him. I set it on Mute so that I am not forced to come there when someone started a chat.

I only hate a certain member and I observed I don't want to see them all. I am truly hurt I guess. I changed my lockscreen and homescreen. It seems I don't want to see any traces of him. I avoid opening my gallery and I do not open Pinterest as well. I really don't want to see him.

This Is the first time it happened to me. For quite a while this person used to make me happy. From time to time he hurt me by making me feel jealous but I can able to see him, I can still see him, stalk him and follow him, but now I noticed that I really can't. I can't look at him, I don't wnat to see his face, I don't want to listen to his voice. I didn't listen to all of their music now. I listened to different playlist. For just one post of him last night, this is what happened to me.

I don't want to stay like this, but if it meant to happen to me then let it be. I don't know how I will get back. I want to use social media but I know when I see his face I will feel upset again. I am kind of okay without seeing him for now. I font want to stay like this but he males me feel irritated and I'm serious about it. I also wonder why I am so upset but I'm validating my feelings and accept that I am hurt.

But on the lighter note, I am happy that I can do it, that I can live without social media for a day. I don't know if I can keep it that way.

Thanks for these people and they keep on supporting me here on this platform. My amazing sponsor could be your sponsor too!! Forever grateful with them.

Images from Unsplash