@Greatwolfman
The Search
Date: Wednesday, 10th of November, 2021 Published by: Greatwolfman ****The search**** was on, I was trying to find who I was in a world filled with challenges and responsibilities. Everyone wants to be the judge at the same time as the jury and executioner. You can not afford to make any mistake because If and when you do, *they* will all rally at you filled with hateful and condescending speeches that will force you into a spot where you just want to rip out your shirt and scream "****Leave me alone".**** People wanted me to ****change****, it was like I was supposed to fit into their definition of what a *human* should look like, why didn't they just get it to their thick skull that I just wanted to be *me*, and if they didn't like it, they could just walk out the door, instead of adding to ****my stress****. Check out my amazing sponsors I often confuse my story with ****Nate****, probably because I find his lyrics relatable. Did you also notice how our names kind of rhyme - *Great <-> Nate*. His songs really get to me on a different level, he is just one of those artistes that focus more on the message they are passing rather than beats just so people can dance. This could also be me just ranting on and hating on them because I can't dance. I have dedicated more ****time**** to my self-growth but it looks like I will be needing more if I'm going to reach the level of self-actualization. The more I learn, the more confused I get which is why I think I will need more time, perhaps when I'm really old and grey I would be a lot wiser, that is if my memories don't fail me. Every day, I set out on a really vibrant mood, full of hope, joy, and life but soon I ****return**** to the dark depths of emptiness as soon as the sun hides behind the clouds and night falls again. It's so lonely and scary too. Many years ago, I was in preschool and our class teacher told us to write an essay on what we would like to be in the future. I remember I wrote something like "****when I grow up****, I want to buy a big Aeroplane". A big dream for a simple boy some would say, everything looked so easy and I was so full of hope, now I'm old enough and ****only**** just realized that there is still a lot of work and things to do to finally make that dream a reality. A part of me even thinks it's nothing but a child's dream. Some days, the pressure is so much that I close my eyes and get lost in my imaginations, *my happy place*. Let me go back to when I only had to worry about *what cartoon show would be coming up next, which shoes I will be getting for Christmas, and what part of the fried chicken I will eat.* Life was so much simpler. I saw some preschoolers the other day and I wondered what must be going on in their minds, they probably have no clues yet as to what challenges life has to offer. I ****hate myself**** for being this way, I should be happy. I have good friends and a loving family to support me, *so why am I still sad? why can't I just be happy? Why do I feel so alone?* ****I miss the days**** when I could do everything I wanted without caring what other people thought about it. I know you are probably thinking to yourself, why let other people decide your happiness, ****no excuses**** there, but I was so young and naive and I thought the definition of being the good son was to please everyone. My perspective and outlook on life were blurred but experiences helped me see things from a clearer view. I like this person I'm becoming. Things are not completely better but at least I know I have ****options****, to stay happy and hopeful or sad, I choose the former, I'm sure you know ****why**** by now. I don't think the "****thinking****" will end anytime soon, but it's a work in progress as I do my best to not give ****trauma**** the satisfaction of getting a victory. NF - Nathan Feuerstein is an American Rapper (arguably the best rapper in the world, yes, I said it, come at me). He published the Album - "**The Search**" in 2019. I remember I was so addicted to this album that I played it every single day and memorized every single line. I found the lyrics very relatable, you might too if you listen closely. I wrote this article based on this album making use of the title of each song as a phrase in my article. If you look at this carefully, you will observe that Music is simply articles with a tune. `The Search` `Leave me alone` `Change` `My stress` `Nate` `Time` `Returns` `When I grow up` `Only` `Let me go` `Hate myself` `I miss the days` `No excuses` `Like this` `Options` `Why` `Thinking` `Trauma` Source Lead image Source: **Unsplash**
15 comments
When I tasted what adulthood feels like, I wanted to go back to the days of my childhood. Pressure is holding me up because I feel like my progress is very slow. There are days I cry for the reason that I am not the person I want to become when I was younger. When I was a child, I thought when you're an adult, you can do whatever you like to do but, I realized it's only limited when you don't have resources. I want to think simpler like a child. Again.
Oh the beautiful days of childhood, where there are no pressure or stress
Adulting is so hard that sometimes I just want to be a child again where less stress and more fun.
If only I could have a chance to be a child again wotjout hesitation I would grab it.
I want that opportunity too. I want to do those childish mistakes again.
I think it's okay to be sad. I get sad too. I have a good friend s too and a family. Sometimes, I also feel like I'm alone and feel like my family doesn't love me. Those thoughts will eventually just passed. Let's be a better version of ourselves. Don't let your mood shift by the insignificant comments or feedback from others. I want you to know greatwolfman that your doing great. You're a strong person.
I wont let people decide how I should feel either.
Nice. To be honest, I get easily hurt by someone close to my heart. I'm actually trying my best to not to be affected but it's hard.
The only person who can dare to change us is nothing but ourselves. 💚
You have just reminded me of my childhood when i received everything i wanted with ease from my parents and my older siblings without doing a thing myself hahahaha
It takes me back to that time too
I don't think I would ever rely on people's decision on mine. I own me and I don't want anyone to dictate for me. Relying on People would deprive you of your own happiness and instead of that, do what you can and be proud of it.
Maturity is when you can make a decision for yourself and not relying with others. Relying your decisions with others might ended up with self pity. That's based on my experience
That's also one of my mistakes. I let other people decide how should I feel and that's not power
Ahh, you said it all brother. I observed from my life and learn that never ever depend on others. I have regret of depending on others.