Freedom from My Darkest Past

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Avatar for Glez
Written by
3 years ago

This is a topic specific for woman but if you care for your wife, girlfriend or sister or mother then I bet you might wanna check this out.

This mainly focuses on the Vagina or the womans genital area. I am writing this as an article to raise awareness but mind you I think of this a thousand times because the experience that I had before is not easy and I want YOU to be informed.

It is never easy to discuss as I went through HELL but this is me, claiming my "FREEDOM to speak up and the right to explain my side before getting JUDGE without proper evidence by the cruel Society".

Why?

This is a topic that most women would not dare to talk but I WILL. Way before I would just cry my heart out whenever this is brought up but now I am standing still for myself.

That is why be very careful with who you trust you daughter because you never can tell what may happen.

PAINFUL REMINISCE

Source:Unsplash

This is the part of my Past that I have already closed but will choose to open up.

Year 2011 I started to feel a lil sore and pain in my genital area.

I just brushed it off since by that time it was bearable and the pain would vanish at times but as the days goes by I noticed it gets worst and it caused me fever.

I also started to feel pain whenever I walk or stand and worst I am feeling like there's a lil boil which I never knew was a cyst. When touched by the edge of my short or undies it is too painful that makes my knees shake. (Literally. I am not exaggerating)

I reached 18 without any experience of going to an OB-Gyne and I was afraid that it may something to do with a critical illness like Cancer but my college friend told me she will come with me.

I had myself check for the first time which was then a nightmare for me. The Doctor told me that this is due to an infection, she said that if this comes to worst it will affect my uterus because this cyst will produce a pus which will get bigger. But what shocked me was the reason why I have this. The Doctor mentioned that it is because of,"Infected Bartholin cysts sometimes caused by sexually transmitted disease.Β "

I was then diagnosed to have an Abscess or Bartholin Cyst. I was too young to even understand what's happening or might happen.

DARKEST PAST

Source: Unsplash

Before you judge and think low of me let me tell you a brief reason as to what happens.

I had an EX boyfriend who broke up with me after I declined having sex with him but before the break up happened he forced me. He forced me.

Though, we were not able to do "it" but he tried to penetrate his fingers through me which was the reason why I lost my virginity or had my hymen stretched. This was the darkest part of my life because we had plans. Everything was organized only to find out he can't wait. I was only 18 for heavens sake and I am raised as a real Filipina. I don't even go out or go anywhere without anyone with me because I was afraid with my grandfather.(My papa died when I was 12 in case you wonder)

What he did to me caused a wound inside, maybe due to his nails and it got infected. Which became a Bartholin Cyst or Abscess.

That is why I am afraid that this same thing may happen to my daughter. I am afraid. Very very afraid that history may repeat itself to one of them.

TREATMENT

Source: Unsplash

To no avail what the Doctor told me happened. I had a boil in between my thighs as big as a childs fist and it has ous inside it. Getting up or moving became too hard for me. I cried my heart out because I can't inform my mom what happened but because she was so worried she called my Aunt and asked to bring us to any OB-Gyne she knows.

I was checked and then the Doctor told me that I will then be scheduled for operation on that same day before it may become worst and may lead to different illness.

My EX by that time already had someone new, our a year or so together just vanished just like that while I was battling with all the shame and embarassment that I got from my family when they knew I lost my virginity and that I may have been infected with STD.

After the operation, I thought I will be okay. I had a general anethesia by that time and was informed that there was like about 1 liter of pus they got from my cyst. I was informed and congratulated by the Doctor. She told me I will totally heal.

But the treatment of my family especially my Mama towards me never changed. It never changed. As years gone by my mom may have chosen to forget or neglect what she felt before or maybe forgive me so she started to have that normal treatment to me. One day I had the chance to spill out everything and she cried. She cried for not knowing though if maybe someone would ask her pretty much she may not remember all the detail since it happened around 10 years ago but to me it is all so clear.

I may already have a family and living a peaceful life but the fear keeps hunting me especially that I have 2 daughters.

I pray that God will protect them and get them away from danger, from people who are blinded by lust.


There's nothing wrong with lust everyone, but LUST over someone you LOVE not someone who is fuckable.


Three months after, the boil reoccur and when I called my Doctor she told me, "Oh Glez that is normal it may reoccur but we can just do another operation".

This is different from what she stated couple of months ago!

My heart shattered! I then started to question God, why ME?!

I then had trauma with Doctors or OB Gyne. Coz for the first Doctor I went to she shouted at me and told me, "You are just so young and you engaged in intercourse already!". She was an old doctor and I was so ashamed because there were a lot of patients who heard it since her clinic is small and the patients were sitting just outside the area where she checked me.

I only had the chance to overcome that trauma 3 years ago when I had my first baby. I went to a different OB, the Doctor I spoke with was so kind and explained to me my illness because even up to now, especially whenever I am too stress it will reoccur and would caused me to stay in bed til the boil will just heal on its own and the pus will drain.

I had a research about this illness and even saw a talk show of Doctors mentioned about this and how it is cured. They had an audience who suffered Bartholin Cyst or Abscess for 10 years as this will reoccur and had several operations but still the same. The Doctor then gave a detail as to how to cure it but I lost my hope.

The treatment is way expensive and that was one of the reason why we suffered a LOT financially. So id it reoccur I will be absent from work not not until the pus will drain itself. Would just take a paracetamol.


You can check this illness or whatever you call it in Google to know more, in Youtube or some Medical blogs.

Here are some of detai that I have:

What are Bartholin gland cysts?

If a Bartholin duct gets blocked, fluid builds up in the gland. The blocked gland is called a Bartholin Gland Cyst. (Sometimes it's called a Bartholin duct cyst.) These cysts can range in size from a pea to a large marble. They usually grow slowly. If the Bartholin gland or duct gets infected, it's called a Bartholin gland abscess.

Bartholin gland cysts are often small and painless. Some go away without treatment. But if you have symptoms, you might want treatment. If the cyst is infected, you will need treatment.

What causes a Bartholin gland cyst?

Things like an infection, thick mucus, or swelling can block a Bartholin gland duct and cause a cyst. The cyst can get bigger after sex, because the glands make more fluid during sex.

What are the symptoms?

You may not have any symptoms if the Bartholin gland cyst is small. But a large cyst or an infected cyst (abscess) can cause symptoms.

Symptoms of a cyst that isΒ notΒ infected include:

  • A painless lump in the vulva area.

  • Redness or swelling in the vulva area.

  • Discomfort when you walk, sit, or have sex.

Symptoms of an infected cyst include:

  • Pain that gets worse and makes it hard to walk, sit, or move around.

  • Fever and chills.

  • Swelling in the vulva area.

  • Drainage from the cyst.

Source: Click Here

Note: You may DYOR if you wanna know more about this.

If you know someone who suffered from the same illness or if you had the same feel free to share your thoughts and experience.

"I am now trying to FREE myself from the wrath of my past and forgave myself in the process."


@JonicaBradley here's my article about FREEDOM. Freeing myself from the ghost of the past. Thank you.


You guys may wanna do the same challenge, Jonica started this and it triggers me to open up my darkest past.

@bheng620 @Eybyoung @Jane

@bmjc98 @Ruffa @tired_momma @Jeaneth

Challenge rules:

  1. Write about Freedom

  2. Write 100% original content

  3. Write at least 600 words

  4. Tag meΒ @Glez may also tag @JonicaBradley

  5. Have fun

See her article: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-1-freedom-5721983d


Thank you for reading my article. Guess this is the longest article I written in my entire read.cash journey! LOL!


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Avatar for Glez
Written by
3 years ago

Comments

Such an inspiration to open up a big closed bad memories, i just wanna congratulate you for being so brave in the process, for not giving up, even though there is a lot of people who will take you down and it feels so burden. Thank you for this informative article which is really helpful specially for us YOUTH. God bless you always and to your family.

$ 0.05
3 years ago

Hello! Just noticed this. :) Charge to experience but a painful one. Yet life must go on. The world won't stop just because I was down so I had to get up.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

You're so brave sis for sharing it here. thank you for sharing awareness. Pero di modeserve nangyari sayo. Naalala ko din tuloy bad experience ko, from a stranger kamuntikan nakong malagay sa alanganin buti nlng nilakasan ko loob ko. Simula nung araw na yun natrauma nako sa ibang lalaki lalo na pag medyo manyak makatingin. Twing makakakits ako ng ganung itsura yung puso ko sobrang bilis na. Hayss.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Same here. Duty ko before 12 mid to 1-2am. Meron tlaga manyak kahit sa jeep. Nanghihipo. Ewan ko ba why they exist. :(

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sa totoo lang, Suki din ako sa mga lalaking manyak at mahilig mag take advantage sa situation ko. Pero di naman ako umabot sa ganito na ganyan. Anyway, na sad ako bigla dahil naiinis ako sa mga taong ganito. Yung itake advantage ka. Kaya ayoko din talaga makakita ng maraming lalaking naka tambay, para akong aatakihin pag ganyan.

And about sa mga anak mo, mas maayo jud kanang inig mudako dako na sila, ibriefing jud pag maayo para intawn malayo sa mga in.ani. Ampo lang, dzai. hugs

And thanks for mentioning me, ako ni itry ugma.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oo. Just like what jonice advised better if i share dw sa akoang mga anak dzae. Hugsss thank youu for this πŸ€— laban ra japon oy. The world doesnt stop with what happened to me thats why i decided to move forward.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ahh, bless you Glez. I am so very sorry that you had to go through this amount of pain, shame and judgement. The last is probably the worst, because had you not been judged, you would have no reason to feel ashamed. I looked it up and it looks horribly painful on the pictures. I think I might have had something similar to you in the past, but not as bad as yours and it didn't need doctor's attention. From the sources you quoted as well as those I found myself it does not say that STD is the only possible cause for this, so I really don't understand why did the doctor judge you so harshly for it. From what you have described it is very unlikely that your EX could infect you with any STD as there was no intercourse and it can not be transmitted by fingers to my knowledge. Like Jonica said in the comment below, in either way you should not be shamed for your actions. It it your body and are free to do whatever you like with it. I am however happy that you decided to open up about it all. I'm sure it will have a healing effect on you πŸ’™

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hello. Thank you so much for this wonderful comment. Indeed way back I was so stunned to think i may have std and got so depressed especially when i was informed that it may affect my uterus. It is indeed painful.

Yes based on my research as well every woman has a bartholin gland. Just that when its start to be painful thats the time the you would need treatment. But there are actually some home remedies. But for me, I just take a paracetamol to relive pain and sometimes caused me to be absemt from work.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

What the fudge that son of a fvcking gun 😀. Bakit may taong ganyan, bat di nila alam ang salitang AYAW. Bat ang daming gegu sa mundo πŸ˜•. You are just brave to post this madam, salute to that. Nakaraan na iyan hindi man sya ganon kagandang pangyayari at least nalampasan mo. Pero hindi talaga deserve ng kahit sino na maexperience yan. Karma is a b!tch, I'm sure dadating sa kanya un..

Anyway, I don't have dark past kasi, and I don't know If I can consider this a dark secret, pero basta haha. Wala man πŸ™ˆ

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hahahah any freedom will do wag na yung dark past eh hahaha laban pa rin naman... So far na overcome ko na pero its worth sharing na din to raise awareness about the illness itself and that we just have to be careful.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Darkest past exist here. ... I don't know how but will try to write

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Articles about honesty and courage that are hard to tell the public. I salute and salute you.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I also have a lot of dark past... I'll join the challenge soon to share mines.

I know I have already posted a lot of this kind of article .

$ 0.00
3 years ago

We can fight for it geng. Laban lang sa hamon ng buhay ☺

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Can i pass the challenge po? 'coz right now, parang wala pong pmpasok na idea po sa ulo q eh, lol, it's not that i don't want to do it po but nglilielow po kc mna po aq ngaun, sa sunod po iaccept q po challenge u, miss glez, lol

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Grabi yung perwisyo nang EX mo noh kaloka. ..jusko ako sa dami nang lalaking nakasalamuha ko buti wala nmn pumilit Sakin but I have dark past too regarding sexual abuse din. I hope you get over your trauma fully. Kailangan talaga natin educate mga anak natin lalo na ngayon mas malala generation nila.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I am sorry about your experience in the past. You are such a brave woman to overcome it and even shared it to us.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oh, Glez. I'm so sorry you went through this. I'm sorry you felt alone and ashamed. You are no longer alone and have no need to feel ashamed even if he DIDN'T force you. Young girls in their teens really do need to be educated about their bodies. Thank you so much for opening up about your past. I hope you continue to heal from the trauma. Those people should not have scolded you.

I'm so glad you accepted the challenge. Would you like to join again next week with a new challenge?

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes thats why I am teaching my child the proper names of their private area..i am not labelling it with any cutesies. I just dunno yet how can I make sure they wont encounter what I have been through. If only i can be with them 24/7 forever I will.

Ill be up for any challenge as long as I wont be too preoccupied for work:)

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I'm glad you are teaching your daughter. As she gets older, you might want to share your story with her. She will then know she can come and talk to you about things. I have 3 daughters. I know your fear.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thats a good idea. I surely will. Thank you. My daughters are 3 and 1 yr old.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Mine are 25, 31, and 33.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Naiiyak ako madam.. Bat may mga taong gnun.. Pro ngayon ba okay kna? Since may pamilya kna at mga anak.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oo naman okay na ako. Takot lng di mawala wala. Babae kc mga anak ko... Someday they may learn to love and minsan history may repeat itself. Muntik nga ako maluka eh... Akalain m you have to undergo you familys hatred, broken hearted ka tapos u r goin through such illness... Akala ko nga when my papa died its the darkest days na talaga may mas pa pala... Wew... Kasi that time sunod2 problema ng pamilya talaga... Nagkasakit din kapatid ko nun... Nkakatakot balikan ang nakaraan.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

The courage and bravery this took. I'm pretty sure that was rape, sexual misconduct at the very least.

$ 0.05
3 years ago

Oo kaso wla pa naman ako talagang alam kahit 18 na ako nun I was raised differently kasi. Madami bawal so di kami na expose sa mga ganyan nun nang nwala c papa namin dun ko na realize masyado kaming protected to the extent na pag kami na yung na agrabyado we dont know how to react. Everytime bumabalik yung sakit ko it brings back painful memories pro d n kasing painful noun kasi nka move on na din and my babies keeps me going.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oh ayun nga din ung issue. Awareness is key. Education and information are powerful tools we need in life. Buti nalang din maaga akong namulat sa ganyan. haha

Pero isa din sa reason cguro ung pagiging overprotective kaya ignorant ung iba. Di ba nga mas common sa mga "mahinhin" "tahimik" ung maagang nabubuntis. Baka ganun din un..

$ 0.00
3 years ago

G*go sya nga lalaki. How could he? Gpa klaro ra gyud sys nga wa syay pulos nga pgka tao.

As for the challenge, I'll think deeper. I might have one but i don't really think it's a dark past πŸ˜…

$ 0.05
3 years ago

Ahahaha wag na ung dark past dios ko ako nlng wag na iba lalo wag n anak ko :(

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hindi ko akalain to lods vha, binasa ko kahit lalaki ako. napatigil ako bigla

$ 0.00
3 years ago

πŸ™‚ thank you lods for reading. Oo eh ganun talaga. Masakit mag mahal at masaktan pero wag na sana baboyin. Yun lang swerte ko di ko nakatuluyan.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

buti nalang lods may mga problema pala tayo nug. ako lods tinhnan mo bagong post ko na article problema din.hehe maganda ka naman ahh kung ako napunta sayo subra ako mag mahal pero ako pa ang iniiwan.

$ 0.03
3 years ago