Dear diary...

I am not fond of my diary even though I have always had one right from when I was sixteen, I pour out my feelings into it often but its inability to reply makes me bored yet, I still refer to it as my best friend because it holds the biggest of my secret and I feel safe telling it my darkest moments.

Tonight, I almost didn't remember where I kept it the last time I used it and I regret ignoring it because it is the only thing I have shown love and hasn't hurt me in return. It is my oldest friend and has replaced lots of people in life. Seeing it in my secret safe behind the shelf made me relieved and I will be spending the night pouring out what almost tore me apart today.

Dear Diary

Today, the 12th of February was supposed to be the happiest day of my life and I didn't know humans could be so cruel. You know it is not my first time getting backstabbed in a relationship but this is different and it hurts a lot.

After I and Vincent broke up due to his adulterous lifestyle, I moved out of the City because I have had lots of memories about us that keep coming. I didn't want them to force me back to him so leaving was the best thing and my company made it easy after granting a transfer I requested for.

(I bet you would have done the same)

Within a short time, his memories were gone and I could feel that I was free. The occupants in the new apartment were mainly single guys, I think they all work in the same place so it looks like the company got some of the flats as an official residence for them.

I tried not to get too close but we do greet and gist during the weekend especially when there is no electricity. After about four months of causal interaction, they invited me to hang out with them on a Friday. I rejected the invite but they were persistent so I went with them, we went to one of the best and busiest bars in the state, I had lots of fun.

We ate, I ate and drink till I threw up. Their barbeque was so delicious that you wouldn't want to stop having it, I just kept gulping them down. We played games and did kinds of stuff before leaving, the outing made our bonding strong and it became a routine for us every weekend.

A few months later, one of the guys asked me out and I turned him down. I felt he was just trying to take advantage of me since I told them about my love life during the last outing. He didn't give up and I finally said yes after seeing that he was committed to me, he could be the right man.

We started and some of his friends/colleagues weren't happy about it but I wasn't bothered, we were deeply in love with each other. I denied him sex for the first two months in the relationship because I wanted to be sure of what he wanted from me and when gave him the chance, it was the best I ever had.

He gave me the touch I have never felt before, the way he licked my body was completely special. His tongue was cold that it tickles me at every spot it touches, he turned me on completely. I could feel myself floating in the air, I didn't want him to stop and when he did stop, I craved for the experience more and more.

We dated for about 6 months and he started acting strange, he came out clear that we were going too fast and had to stop because he couldn't control his feelings anymore.

I was heartbroken and down for weeks but he came back to apologize to me, I was careful this time because I didn't want to be hurt again since my heart was just healing. He invited me for lunch at his apartment and we got down again, he was just irresistible. All he demanded was a hug after lunch but the body contact sent a cold bite through my pore and I couldn't help but held him tight, we had it right there in the dining. It was different, it's like he get better after every last one.

We came back together after that day and things became normal until today, I didn't believe I would be ridiculed that much.

Earlier today, Jeremy told me that we would be hanging out as usual but the unusual thing was that he said we would be leaving by noon, we usually hang out at night. I suspected a foul play but I didn't have any reason not to attend.

His friends weren't calm, I asked if anything was wrong while going in the car and they claimed to be fine. On getting there, it was a new place. I love the lighting and furniture, the aroma of their food was making me hungry.

I quickly grabbed the food menu but Jeremy held my hand and said we are here for a bigger reason, I paused for a second and was thinking of what was going on. Before I could get myself together, he went on his knee and brought out a ring.

I stood up from my seat as I stretched my hand, I was in tears already. I have waited too long for this day and the emotions running in me was huge, I was reading his lips as he was saying the words - "Will you marry me?".

Everyone at the place had their eyes fixed on us, I was a star at the moment. My mouth was trembling as I said yes, he put the ring in my fingers and we locked lips for quite some time.

I felt like a queen throughout the night but things turned sour when we got home, he said he had a confession to make.

Would you believe that Jeremy approaching me initially wasn't because of love? He actually placed a bet with his friends on me because they thought I wouldn't fall for any of them.

The time we had an issue was because he had won the bet and he doesn't have anything to do with me again but he couldn't live without me so he had to come back to love me for real. I felt disappointed and left his room in anger, I feel lost and don't know what to do at this point.

Do I continue or quit? I feel betrayed again.

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