We All Have Demons Inside

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Being obedient and being kind to others, are the two things that I always reminded me of as a kid by the elders.

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My parents aren't the sweet and showy type, and these characteristics f them make me envious of my classmates and friends who have supportive parents. I often cursed our business for the majority of my childhood since my parents were too busy managing our retailing store and I didn't feel like I was getting enough attention as their children. Family day, recognition, field trips, competition, and a slew of other school events that a parent was supposed to attend in order to represent themselves as a guardian to their children they weren't there. During educational tours, I am frequently left with my advisory teacher, and our school's teachers are frequently the ones who stand by me to receive awards at special ceremonies. I always felt an outcast in our class since I was the only one who was always without a parent during special events.

As time goes on I feel jealous of my classmates and even the hatred that is building towards my parents. As time passes, I grow extremely jealous of my classmates, as well as the hatred that is building towards my parents. I was often murmured during special ceremonies how I wished t change my parent's personality from becoming an outgoing and supportive one just like the rest of my classmate's parents.

I was bullied in elementary and junior high school, and I often cried and returned home with a puffy eye, but my parents didn't notice this thing since they were too busy at the store. I can't express my fear and hatred for those who bully me in words, and I'm not open with my parents. I decided to keep all of my rage, envy, hatred, and resentment to myself. These overwhelming emotions caused me to have sleepless nights where I couldn't stop crying. Until all of these emotions erupted into a rage, and during my puberty, I became such a rebellious child.

I am a consistent honor student and I was an active student who often compete in different fields, but I am also one of the most reprehensible students. I have always been in the schools' guidance office since I often get involved in fights and arguments with my classmates. I also began to bully my fellow students, which I had previously despised. I learned to drink alcohol at a very young age, even before I was of legal drinking age. My older brother saw these traits of mine as a stain to our family name as being a well-known conservative family in our neighborhood.

My eldest brother and I often fought because I was jealous of him and towards our younger sister, since both of our parents made an effort to attend every special occasion at their school, even if it was distant away from our home. There are times that my parents and older brother confront me, asking what are my reasons for doing such mischievous and rebellious acts. I couldn't put what I've been feeling inside into words, I couldn't cry either but when I saw my mother cry I feel like I'm the worst person that made them suffer so much from my mess. I couldn't speak my thoughts to say that all I wanted was their attention I just burst into tears. Before I completed my junior year I'm glad that I somehow able to open up a little to my mother about the things that I feel frustrated about and for the things that I thought that doesn't matter to them.

Good thing after that I realized little by little each sacrifice that they made from the very first day this family formed. Our parents may not be present during those years that we thought to be important but they are present when we are at our darkest times. Those decisions of them not to attend every school event somehow help us, siblings, to become independent individuals.

After all these years I still think about how dumb I become during my younger years. Well of course I felt guilty about my past but I haven't regretted what I went through before to become this person now. I still have flaws and I still have a lot to learn in life, it is a good thing I still have my parents who never stop to guide me.


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Disclaimer: I am neither a psychologist nor a financial advisor, and all of my pieces were done for entertainment purposes only. What I've written here is merely my personal opinion, and any statements made are based on my personal views and should not be taken as fact. Always do your due diligence.

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Comments

Remind me the song of imagine dragon band " Don't get to close it's dark inside that's where my demons hide that's where my demons hide " 😅

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2 years ago

Haha funny you see through that because originally I got the idea of writing this piece while listening it haha

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2 years ago

we understand better as we get older...

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2 years ago

I used to think something like this when I was young because my parents got separated when I was young that's why I think they didn't love or give attention to me but as I got older I realized that I don't need to give them hatred because even though they are separated they still working to provide food for us and sent us to school.

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2 years ago

We really do realize things while growing up it just regrets that we couldn't take the words we've said in our past when we are being consumed by our emotions

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2 years ago

Your parents striving hard not only for nothing but for you and to your brothr and sis. maybe in that case all children will get jealouse but if we can Think deeply at that time maybe we can understand the reasons behind that. But goodto us that we realize this things after,.😊

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2 years ago

True, thinking my past how I envied my siblings I realized how selfish I am to them. I always think that my parents doesn't love me but my brother used to say to me that among us three I'm the luckiest which technically true since I got to grew up with my parents unlike our youngwr sister who grew up in a distant place with our aunt.

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2 years ago

The three of you ma'am are lucky to your parents as a business man, coz some people raise with there parents but they witnessed the hardships in life the hunger and more especially some child is not lucky emoug to have a viciouse parents who kept on drinking or even gambling. ..

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2 years ago

Agree, seeing our fellowmen being broadcast on news showcasing their life I realize how lucky I was compare to those who experience things you have mentioned

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2 years ago

You had your own share of adventures and I am glad that you have learned from your mistakes little sis. We all have demons inside of us, some are strong enough to control them, some aren't.

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2 years ago

It such a relief that I could make a confession and athe same time share my past in here with receiving a full support from people here, thank you po.

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2 years ago

Just pour your heart out, we won't judge :)

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2 years ago

It's the main problem between parents and children. There are instances that the parents don't have time with their children because they are busy at work. They didn't attend like school events. The reason the children felt sad and jealous.

It's really important that as a parent should be in balance but sometimes they didn't have choices because of the urgent and important matter with their works, they make it because of their families future especially to their children.

Have a nice day my friend.❤️

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2 years ago

Absolutely, but it somehow help me become independent today so yah I had no regrets and I think my parent does too.

Have a safe day too🥰

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2 years ago

Yes my friend. Thank you so much.❤️

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2 years ago

Parents love and their concern can not be replaced with the money they earn for you. I am wishing for you to have a peaceful life

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2 years ago

Very well said, thank you for that you too may have healthy and peaceful life

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2 years ago