We All Have Demons Inside
Being obedient and being kind to others, are the two things that I always reminded me of as a kid by the elders.
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My parents aren't the sweet and showy type, and these characteristics f them make me envious of my classmates and friends who have supportive parents. I often cursed our business for the majority of my childhood since my parents were too busy managing our retailing store and I didn't feel like I was getting enough attention as their children. Family day, recognition, field trips, competition, and a slew of other school events that a parent was supposed to attend in order to represent themselves as a guardian to their children they weren't there. During educational tours, I am frequently left with my advisory teacher, and our school's teachers are frequently the ones who stand by me to receive awards at special ceremonies. I always felt an outcast in our class since I was the only one who was always without a parent during special events.
As time goes on I feel jealous of my classmates and even the hatred that is building towards my parents. As time passes, I grow extremely jealous of my classmates, as well as the hatred that is building towards my parents. I was often murmured during special ceremonies how I wished t change my parent's personality from becoming an outgoing and supportive one just like the rest of my classmate's parents.
I was bullied in elementary and junior high school, and I often cried and returned home with a puffy eye, but my parents didn't notice this thing since they were too busy at the store. I can't express my fear and hatred for those who bully me in words, and I'm not open with my parents. I decided to keep all of my rage, envy, hatred, and resentment to myself. These overwhelming emotions caused me to have sleepless nights where I couldn't stop crying. Until all of these emotions erupted into a rage, and during my puberty, I became such a rebellious child.
I am a consistent honor student and I was an active student who often compete in different fields, but I am also one of the most reprehensible students. I have always been in the schools' guidance office since I often get involved in fights and arguments with my classmates. I also began to bully my fellow students, which I had previously despised. I learned to drink alcohol at a very young age, even before I was of legal drinking age. My older brother saw these traits of mine as a stain to our family name as being a well-known conservative family in our neighborhood.
My eldest brother and I often fought because I was jealous of him and towards our younger sister, since both of our parents made an effort to attend every special occasion at their school, even if it was distant away from our home. There are times that my parents and older brother confront me, asking what are my reasons for doing such mischievous and rebellious acts. I couldn't put what I've been feeling inside into words, I couldn't cry either but when I saw my mother cry I feel like I'm the worst person that made them suffer so much from my mess. I couldn't speak my thoughts to say that all I wanted was their attention I just burst into tears. Before I completed my junior year I'm glad that I somehow able to open up a little to my mother about the things that I feel frustrated about and for the things that I thought that doesn't matter to them.
Good thing after that I realized little by little each sacrifice that they made from the very first day this family formed. Our parents may not be present during those years that we thought to be important but they are present when we are at our darkest times. Those decisions of them not to attend every school event somehow help us, siblings, to become independent individuals.
After all these years I still think about how dumb I become during my younger years. Well of course I felt guilty about my past but I haven't regretted what I went through before to become this person now. I still have flaws and I still have a lot to learn in life, it is a good thing I still have my parents who never stop to guide me.
You can check a few of my previous works here
https://read.cash/@GelayyLumiere/how-distance-strengthens-us-667d5ebf
https://read.cash/@GelayyLumiere/investing-golden-rule-f1091500
https://read.cash/@GelayyLumiere/why-i-choose-to-stay-single-1628431e
Disclaimer: I am neither a psychologist nor a financial advisor, and all of my pieces were done for entertainment purposes only. What I've written here is merely my personal opinion, and any statements made are based on my personal views and should not be taken as fact. Always do your due diligence.
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Remind me the song of imagine dragon band " Don't get to close it's dark inside that's where my demons hide that's where my demons hide " 😅