How far can I go?

Have you ever came to a time where you felt some doubts about your strength and own ability? Have you, for somehow felt that things will turned out complicated if you keep on pushing? Does giving up really the best choice?

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Hello there lovelies it's me again, your introvert blogger of readcash, your friend and family as well. How was your day so far? I wish you all are doing good.

This fast few days I've been feeling so lonely. I actually can't find a certain reasons for this loneliness but I think it's because of what is happening to this home of ours. Or maybe I just badly needed some rest 😁.

Well, honestly today I've been struggling to compose an article for my entry for today. After I publish my second post in Hive, I felt that my brain suddenly slow down. Lol. It is not functioning well anymore.

Suppose today I am trying to compose my entry for Jane's 2nd year challenge. It was about the importance of engagement in the community. Unfortunately, after I made a two minutes of reading with the said topic and when I tried to smart read what I have written, I found it as a low quality. I am not satisfied with my works for today. For the first time, I didn't feel motivated and inspired by my own words and so I decided to leave it in my draft. My brain is literally not working so fine this time.

I wonder,was it because I already drained myself in Hive? Oh God, maybe?

Today, I spent some of my free time exploring in hive. I wanna familiarise the community, as some said that each topic has a designated community. You cannot just publish your post everywhere as you desire, as your post may looks irrelevant if you published it in a wrong community, then you'll just gonna waste your RC (resources credit) for nothing because of your negligence.

As I continue exploring, observing, reading and learning in hive, I suddenly felt dizzy. Lol. I found myself funny, as I am being competitive to myself again. So I take a break, rather than continuing draining myself by collecting some satisfaction.

Gosh, why things are so complicated there! Lol.

Of course I wouldn't say that Hive is as easy as read cash, because it's not. Some admins in some community's are strict and so I needed to be very careful with my actions. I needed to read their guidelines and obey their rules or else my reputation may went down. I needed to take care of it or else things will be over for me in Hive. I don't want it to happen.

Don't get me wrong. I may look so aggressive here but I am willing to take this opportunity for my growth. I know some of you may also says, that I am overthinking too much and I worry too much and I'm being over acting here, but what can I do? I can't help it, as this is me. I overthink and I really care about everything, specially if I really wanted to have that thing, I can't help not to overthink.

I wanna make my name in Hive and so I wanna make sure that I am going to be a good fellow there too, just like I did here in readcash. But honestly speaking this is also not easy for me, with this desires that I am wanting, I am pressuring myself as well. I even came to realise that I am wanting another load of stress again. Lol.

How far can I really go? Can I really do this?

Those questions really hits me, as I am starting to have some doubts in my own ability. Because I know for somehow about my limitations. I know to myself that I have weaknesses. I also know, that everything was "NOT" made for everyone. I know for somehow that I must not live my life in an unhealthy way, and so I must limit myself on collecting heavy loads of stress and stay living in healthy way.

But however I also know for somehow, that what doesn't kill me, would only makes me stronger and so for now I am going to stick doing what I can only do. And when time's permits me to give up, I'll give up, atleast I did try.

Even though the journey was failed, I still succeeded in trying.

Fighting self!

Lead image was originally edited from Canva.