Sadness almost got me

I am thankful to a few people I met on this platform, who uplift and console me by sending messages through the comment section on the entry I uploaded yesterday. It means a lot to me. The kind words sober my mind and my heart. I appreciate all of you, you know who you are.

Ever since the emotional damage happened to me, there's not a day that I became so peaceful. Just like the other days, at 3 a.m. I was awakened again by another skeptical dream. It was so real because I really felt it. The scene where the dream happened was so clear and very familiar. Except, for the people who are with me in my dream.

In my dream, the was a normal day for everyone else, but not for me. I found myself on the floor in the living room of our house, I was sitting there like a person waiting to disappear into this world. I saw myself unconsciously crying, trembling, and silently falling into pieces. It was a sunny day, the total opposite of the weather today, and everyone is busy. I kept on trying to remember and recognize the people I saw in my dream, but I cannot remember any of them, it seems like their faces were blurred. They move so fast too, but they're not making a sound. I couldn't hear anything except the loud voices in my head, indistinct voices, it's loud but it's unclear. I wanted to scream, but my mouth has its own pace. I felt my jaw become so stiff making me unable to open it. I felt my heartbeat racing so fast and I was panicking that I can't almost breathe. I wasn't alone, but no one seems to see me, no one could hear me, and everything is so blurry and it was moving really fast. I tried to stand but I felt a strong force dragging me down like it is gravity pushing me to the depths of hell. I thought that was the end of me. The moment I said in my mind, "Lord, please save me!" My eyes suddenly opened. I was literally catching my breath when I woke up. I looked at my roommate and good thing she was asleep. I thought I have awakened her. I checked the time, it was 3:15 a.m.

I was not able to go back to sleep after that, I was thinking about the dream I just had and I realized that it nearly killed me. Is it because of the current situation am in? Is it the way how devils got attracted to my existing state? It was so real. I really felt it. The pressure, force, the actions, I felt it all in my skin.

I realized I had just an episode of sleep paralysis. I could've died in my sleep if I was not able to open my eyes. I cried again silently, so my roommate will not be disturbed. I admit that I prayed silently to let God take back the life He reserved for me, but as I was struggling to move my limbs and fight for whatever is trying to hold my jaws, I thought of my family. I should not be selfish and give myself a chance. I am not ready yet to leave my family behind they might have hurt my feelings, but there must be reasons why it happened. Maybe I'm just too emotional and sensitive to misunderstood them. They could be just reminding me that I could still have a better life better than what I have right now. They probably saw me being too confident for the little and simple things I have when I can still make bigger than those.

I was given a chance to live again, I should not waste this. This is just another phase in my life. These all shall pass.

Thank you so much ❤