My Life's Greatest Ironies

We learned in our English class what irony is. It is a part of the figures of speech. It somehow helps some write-ups and poetry become artistic to read. The irony is a figure of speech in which there is a contradiction of expectation between what is said and what is really meant. In life, we had so many ironies and I think that is what makes life interesting to live.

• I always love the sea. I love how the waves hit my body. I love the feeling of the fine sand on my feet. I love how the salty breeze fills my lungs and I love how the sun kisses my skin. Though I've always loved it I never tried to learn how to swim. I cannot swim but if only I tried it or have someone teach me to swim, probably I could be diving underwater. But ever since, I never got interested to learn it because I am afraid of what to see underneath the water.

• There are times that I hate being a teacher. It is because I teach on what's in their textbook and it's contradicting in my real life. For instance, in our Values Education in grade 5, our recent topic was all about developing camaraderie and harmony. How ironic for me to teach about developing camaraderie when I don't have a good relationship with my father. I told them camaraderie develops first inside the family or in the household. I guess I am just good with words, a great pretender, and a big liar.

• My kind of genre in terms of movies and books that I watch and read is always romance or love stories. I watched all different love languages and read beautiful lines about love, but I am someone who cannot keep a relationship. I cringe when someone confesses their feelings, and I am someone who hides feelings. I am not romantically built up even with the kind of genre I prefer.

• This applies to everyone who can relate. Are you that someone who gives good pieces of advice that's why many people come to you and seek advice? Because I am one of those people. It's just so funny to think that when times of trouble and sadness, there's no one I could run to and I can't seem to remember the words I give to someone to console their feelings. I should be applying in real life all the things I said to encourage someone who's losing hope. Very ironic.

• Ever since the day I entered adulthood stage, I promised myself that I should stay healthy because I like to live longer in this life. I also teach children the ways to become healthy but I am the first to contradict everything I said to them. I sleep late, skip meals, drink alcohol, have bad diet habits, do not do exercise, etc. I am conscious of somebody else's lifestyle but I do not even take care of myself. Yeah, I am very inconsistent.

• One of my favorite people on earth is my baby nephew. I love babies. I love how cute they curl in their cribs, the sound of their cry, and their baby smell. I have more pictures of my baby nephew than my sister. I look like I am the real mother. Nevertheless, I never wished to have a baby of my own. I don't want to have children. I am afraid that I might die in the delivery room while giving birth. Just imagining it, I can't bear the pain. I am fully aware that having a child your own fulfills the essence of being a woman. But, I don't think being a woman is only limited to that. When my sister is sick, I am the one who takes care of the baby. Even if I don't like to have a child, I feel and understand the responsibility of being a mother. If God permits, I would like to take care of some children who are unfortunate to feel a mother's love. I may not want to have my own children but I am more than willing to become a mother to those who need one.

Life is so full of ironies, I still have a lot to write but I'll probably put it on another entry. I missed writing. My heart and my mind were able to hibernate and think things over. I have a clearer mind now. I am still praying for my continuous healing.

I realized it's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel it and cry until everything gets light. It's even more okay when you let the things that burden you be heard by someone who listens. I am thankful that on my worst days, I am surrounded by people who care.

I read your messages. I cannot mention you individually, but my heart is beyond grateful to all of you. Thank you for the prayers, encouragement, and words that uplift my lonely soul. This will not be the last, I know there will be bigger waves to come, but next time, I'll surf on it.

It's so good to be back :)

Lead image from Google.