Loving the Psycho

I only loved him, but why do I have to endure all of this?

I thought I would be free from all the nightmares that I had been carrying throughout my life, yet they worsen when I love him.

When I met him.

—

"What are you doing?! Let me go, Hans... Ouch!,"

He's gripping tight on my long hair and suddenly he forcefully pushed me and my forehead hit the side of the table.

"Haven't I told you not to go out, Selena? Why are you being stubborn? Do you want me to crack this open so I'll be able to know what's inside this? Because you can't understand a simple instruction!" He shouted at me while pointing at my head.

Here we go again with his psychotic actions.

I clearly told him that I will be attending Gino's birthday party. I haven't stayed for an hour at the party when he came and drag me out of the party.

I got bruises and wounds because of the intensity of his grip on my forearm.

"You know what? I'm getting tired of this. You are so stubborn and you're even talking back at me. I think you need to be punished so you will behave next time"

My whole body trembled when he came back holding a knife.

I got used to physical abuse as he punches me like a punching bag every time I do things that he doesn't like. I got used to all of the things he does to me that make me nervous all the time until I get numb by it and gladly accept the pain.

I could escape away from him and bring our children with me and I can file an annulment just to set myself free from this shitty life.

I have asked already myself countless times why am I suffering from a psychopath like him. I knew that he has mental problems yet I didn't mind it. Even the weird glares that he gives me, I didn't give any damn meaning about it.

Until his wide palms strongly slap my face.

We had just gotten married then and I was pregnant when my older brother came to visit. He was so nice to my brother. When my brother went home, I did not expect the next thing that happened. I was slapped for no damn reason. From there, I already knew that wouldn't be the last.

My life literally turned out to be my living hell. Being with him, knotted as lifetime partners had given me the worst life I could have.

It's not only that he gives physical trauma but also our children. We have 3 kids already and I am married to this creep for 6 years.

In those 6 years, no one knew about my situation. No one knew that I, Selena Ramirez is a martyr and battered wife of Hanz Legaspi.

He was fancied by everyone as a good engineer. No one knows that he's a lunatic. A psycho. No one knows that my husband is torturing me. If I could offer my soul to him, I would have done it. I just didn't imagine that we'd come to this time that he is going to kill me.

I can feel my whole body shaking but even so, I managed to stand and hugged him.

"I'm sorry. I'm n-not going out again... Just let this go this time. T-The children might see us,"

I tried to get the knife that he was holding but, I shrieked when he said the knife was ready to stab me. I ran quickly down the stairs when he grab my hair.

I was crying and trying to help myself not to make a single sound because I don't want the children to see us again in a chaotic situation.

They have been traumatized already by seeing the same scenario almost every day...

I don't want to be seen by this state...

Being tortured while their father is smiling like a devil, I can bear all of this. I will...

"You want to escape this time huh? Didn't I tell you not to go out of the house! To not go to that Gino, right? Now, let's deal with this steelhead of yours Selena... Let me do a fair action to discipline you. Mommy said before, that you have to coerce a person to mature! If needed to be tortured, it should be! Isn't that what you want?

He is hugging me now while stroking the edge of the knife to my temple. I barely close my eyes when I felt it touch my skin, it's giving shivers to my whole system. One wrong move, the edge of the knife could pierce my eyes and could be the reason for my blindness.

" Ha-Have pity on me Hanz... I didn't do anything wrong... Let's deal with this one! J-Just stop this, the children might see us,"

I begged for my life while crying. I can't stop but sob heavily out of nervousness.

"Shhh love, I haven't done anything yet... You're so ill-tempered," then he laughed like there's no tomorrow

"H-Hanz, s-stop this,"

"Come again?" he asked me as he tightened his grip on my hair while the knife is still pointed at my temple.

"P-please, s-stop it,"

I am trying to get away from his tight grip but the more I resist, the more that he will fix his power on me.

"Why would I, Love? Do you know that I love the way you shiver? It's a different kind of intimacy. Oh, someone told me before that it's very intimating when someone understands you by the mind. But, you were very stubborn. So, I should get a solution so you will remember not to disobey me again.

Then he chuckled like a devil.

I wasn't able to move when he suddenly turn me to face him then I felt something pointed was inserted forcefully into my waist. I vomited blood and he gave me one final stab that weakened my body.

—

The last thing I hear was him crying, with my blurry vision, I saw how he pulled his hair. I felt him pull my body towards him. He was crying over my dying body and as I close my eyes, I thought of my children. Will they end up like me? God, please help my children.

____

They said love could kill you.

They said that love should be pure.

They said love is an endless poison.

They said understanding your partner is part of it.

Now, is my life worth defying for that intimacy?

——

This was drafted before Typhoon Agaton reached our region and it's also the reason for my long absence. The wind, the rain, and the hustling of the environment are as traumatizing as it was like ST Odette.

May God be the strength who lost their loved ones and heal their wounds. May eternal peace be given to those who left the world.

Help us pray for Leyte and Southern Leyte ❤

Lead image from Google.