My random musing just because I'm sick

December 27, 2021

Hello Readers,

It's alright if you stop here.. it's just a random musing of a sick me.

I planned to write this article this morning but I'm just too weak to do it and end up sleeping all day. It started last Christmas day with cold but the cold triggers my asthma so here I am on my bed writing this.

I'm a total independent person when I'm not sick, I rarely asked for help if I know and I can do something about anything that crosses my way but I don't know why that when I am sick I turned into a baby who seeks some attention and some tender loving care from people who loves me. I want to be checked every once in a while, I don't want to sleep all day without anyone checking on me. This is the reason why I don't want to be sick. Because I don't like seeking anyone's attention.

I don't want to sulk just because no one is checking on me but I end up sulking here in my room. I guess this is one of the downsides of being alone and if I stay being alone I have to get used to things like this. I don't know why but I'm being sensitive lately. I don't know if it is just because of the season or is it just because I'm growing old alone. I'm a cheerful person who loves to laugh and make people around me laugh too but I can't find that jolly person in me lately.

I hope it's just because of the season and it's just because I'm sick. I hope before the year end I'll be well already. Mentally, emotionally and physically I wish to get well in all those aspects. Think I need to do something this new year if I really want to be well in all those aspects. I know I cannot bring back the people who have left me but I'm still here and I still can do something about myself. I know it will be hard, I know it will not be easy to pick up the pieces but I also know that I have to for my own sake because I cannot stay hurt forever.

Sorry, I just need to let this out, I don't want to call my friends and let them know what I'm truly feeling right now as they will only worry for me. I know they have so much on their plate and I don't want to add up to it. I don't want to disturb my two brothers too since they already have their own family and I also don't want them to worry about me. I know I can get through this... I just need some time. I just need to heal on my own and find my own happiness again.

I know I've been so hard with myself thinking that by ignoring what I'm feeling I'll be well, thinking that by ignoring what I'm feeling it will all be gone but the more I ignore it the more it destroys me. Hoping to leave all this feeling of pain and hurt this year and hoping that I can start anew with this coming new year.

And if you are still reading up to here... thanks so much for reading and sorry again i just have to let it out...

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