Dear Mom,
I know how hard your life became since I come to your life, and it's not my fault. People judged you and keep calling you bad names because you were pregnant by me without a husband. You are so unfortunate because you were born in a generation where getting pregnant without a husband is chaotic. I am unfortunate as well for experiencing all the shit just because I don't have a father. I even know at my young age that I don't have a father because people keep telling me that and you guys in the house as well. I got immune.
You even tried to take your life by drinking a pesticide, a good thing you were brought to the hospital right away and that made me breastfeed to step-grandma because if I will be feed by you, I'll be poisoned as well.
I grew up wondering why people keep bullying and hating me for no reason just because I don't have a father. I don't know if you know that or not but I know you don't care back then because you are blaming me for causing your life miserable which is not technically my fault.
What hurts me before is that I got bullied at school and at the same time at our home, I don't even consider I have a home before because it feels like wherever I go people hurt me. You bullied me, you are my mom and supposed to be protecting me from anyone who will go to hurt me but you were the very first to do that. You are beating me for lame reasons, even if it's my sibling's mistakes I end up taking the blame and the beating because I am the eldest, that I should be responsible without you considering that I am still a kid too.
I hate you when I was in my teenage years but I tried my best to still show respect after all you are my mom. I hate that you should be my only ally because I don't have anyone but you are one of the people who keep on hurting me. Then I am slowly rebelling on you and to all people around me like I don't give a damn anymore because who cares?
Util time has come that I am fed up with everything and start answering you back, although you keep saying “You don't know anything!” but I did not regret that I rebelled at you because I know somehow that made you realize you are doing wrong.
I grew up embracing myself alone, there were times that I wanted to jump off the cliff just to end everything, you keep telling me that your life was miserable because of me without even thinking that I am in misery too.
The only thing that keeps me going before is the thought that “One day I will prove to you that I am not a curse, that you will accept me as your child and you will realize you are instead being blessed for having me”.
Until the time comes that you finally realized that I am your daughter too, you started showing care to me, start showing that you regretted how you treated me back then. You support me all the way financially and emotionally when you knew I got pregnant already, that you will become a grandma soon. Those times I saw how you tried coping up and I am very thankful to God, finally, we were on good terms until now. Although we are not on good terms before I still admire you for being strong, I also learn how to be strong and independent because of you, so it's not that bad at all.
I started to grow mature and understand your situation, I forgive you, mom. I know your journey has been like hell too. I am just glad we were able to cope up with the lost times before it's too late.
I am doing my best to be the best mother to your granddaughter, I will do my best not to let her experience what I've gone through. I will do my best to help you by any means.
Just hold on and endure the hardships of life mom, I know the rainbow and sunshine will come soon. Let's endure together and we will experience the goodness of life later on.
Belated Happy Mother's day! I love you with all my heart and soul! God bless us!
Love,
Eybyoung ❤
P.S: I hope you don't judge my mom, she's doing her best and everyone commits mistakes, the important thing is that she realized it before it's too late. I wanted to tell this to my mother, but I don't want because she will feel bad about herself. So, I will just keep the letter in here.
Happy mother's day to your mom!
Hindi ko alam pero naiyak ako sa letter mo. Hindi madali na magkaroon ng nanay na ganyan. Buti na lang at nagbago na siya at okay na kayo. Ako kasi hindi ko pa rin mahanap sa puso ko ang magpatawad sa nanay ko. Iniwan niya kasi ako nung maliit pa. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa siya nakita ng personal. Marami akong tanong sa kanya ngunit hindi ko naman mabitawan. Naduduwag kasi ako. Sana dumating din ang panahon na magkaayos din kami tulad ng nangyari sa inyo ng mama mo.