My Mother Smells Something Weird About Me—jezzzzzz

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Written by
1 year ago

Pain, Toil, and Privation. I can't believe what happened to me this morning; I imagined it to happen, but not now; I knew I was so much when it comes secrecies, I don't want people to part of it, not even my friends, people around me, and even my family. Not my mother, but this morning I was shocked by her. She asked me, 'what was my problem?' my emotions suddenly collided; I drank my saliva and was about to cry. But luckily, I survived even just for a while. It ended up a question in my head, am I being obvious? How come she knew and felt I am unto something, I honestly go in front of the mirror. Do my face gives her the sign? Do I look so stressed? I don't know; never I tell someone. But maybe that was the present power of a mother; they knew what was happening even without telling them the whole story behind it. But still, I am not ready for them to say I am not yet at the level to share. Maybe when it's done? If that is done.

You might know me as typically just my own, and I don't speak things out. It's easier to write than speak; it was pressing to tell others about my problem. Not because I was overreacting to what they will say, but better just for me to keep it silent for a while until I figure out a possible solution or the correct answer. Directly I will be quiet, but maybe they knew me immediately; that silence meant something. Perhaps they feel I am unto something but never imagine they will be seen. I tried to act normal, but I used not every day I could hide things. There will always be a time that there is no filtered feeling; it's like a volcano that explodes and is about to burst.

Do you know the 'kaya pa' syndrome? It might be the toxic attitude of the Filipinos, where we never spoke things out, revealed what was wrong until the worst wasn't yet happened. 'kaya pa' or 'still manageable when we had a problem we just kept it to ourselves, not just mentally but also physically. Even if we feel something is wrong with our bodies, we sleep and rest. Kaya pa meant that still can go on.

That was me every time. Maybe I don't want them to be involved, for I am not into that kind.

I added that we were not in a good relationship with my father for decades now, and I hate that he comments on something. They blamed me and gave me words I didn't want to hear. I also stopped ranting to one group about my life, I always just read something, and I hate it. I never did it help, but it just added to my frustrations.

So am I crying?

No, I am not.

Maybe that was why I understand that some men laughing are not happy; those smiling are not glad about what is happening. Still, things are going on the wheels of something.

But there was a time when it felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. Should I tell the truth? But I didn't even know what the fact was.

Kaya pa syndrome is one of the negatives. Indeed, we burn it to ourselves, we want to cool it down a little bit, but things are unlike. Unfortunately, some people cannot handle this kind; maybe it's not for everyone. People might hurt, or the worst, kill their selves because they can't breathe anymore. On my side, never in my life that I become suicidal; thanks to the creators also gave me the mind that I know not everyone has; I still could handle overkill loads of uncertainties in my mind, and I hid it.

But what happened this morning? I never said I had no problem with her. I smiled at her, but I had teary eyes. And immediately goes out from her. I survived, but somehow I just gave her some valid reasons. I know I hurt her by not telling the truth. But this time, I shall get to this thing no matter what.

I am lucky that my mother feels the things inside, she was my mother, and I was from her. The blood and flesh are still the same, so I get that she knew things even I don't tell. Just that, I am not yet ready to say her or anyone.

This is just today's runt, and I am enjoying daily trading in SmartBCH guys; you should also look closely at the BCUSDT price; so much volatility. 5:00 AM 1 BCUSDT is 0.70, and just some minutes it goes back, I got a profit of 0.1BCH in 20 minutes. But still sadly stuck out from the bridge. It would be best if you also looked closely.

Thanks for reading…

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1 year ago

Comments

madaling makaramdam at maka sense ang mga nanay pag may mga iniinda ang anak..nanggaling tayo sa kanya kaya mahirap maglihim sa knila talaga

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1 year ago

Eu.... everything will be okay.

Moms are just waiting for us to vent out our frustrations, hindi porket we can speak na and think for ourselves they stopped caring infact mas lalong lumalalim ang pag-aalala nila kasi we can try to hide our emotions na versus when we are kid na we can cry whenever we want to.

Take the opportunity to be vulnerable at times, di laging okay tayo and that is fine.

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1 year ago

Kaya Pa syndrome, I think all of us have that, lalo yung mga malihim like me hahaha! Mom may not always be expressive about it, but I know she knows. She'd randomly message me things such as "nak, pag may problema ka, chat mo lang ako ha" and it helps, it really does. Di ko man nagagawang mag-share talaga, (di ko kaya ahaha), pero knowing someone out there cares, is such a big deal. 🥺

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1 year ago

That's one of our Mom's powers. Matik na na may "lie detector" sa system nila whenever we attempt to lie to them. Grabe 'yung instincts nila~

And that "kaya pa" syndrome? Been always saying that to myself for almost everyday yata. Daming challenges everyday, parang di nababawasan but mas nadadagdagan pa. Like you, Kuya, mas feel ko din na sinasarili mga problema or what. Not just because I don't want Mama to worry more but for me kasi mas nakaka-isip ako ng solutions kapag ako pa lang nakaka-alam ng probs ko. Hehe ewan ko ba~ para kasing mas lalaki lang alalahanin kapag madaming nakaka-alam. 🙈

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1 year ago

I want to believe that this is one of mom's superpowers. Nakikita nila kanit anong tago natin. I think she also understood na hindi ka pa ready mag share pero know that she's there to help you and even though I don't share probs with mom most of the time, I can say it gets easier for them when they know what are problems are. Just ensure her that you can find solutions for this and she don't have to worry much

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1 year ago

Mothers knows best talag, kahit anong smile nakikita nila yung lungkot parati behind that smile. That kaya pa syndrome helps us to pursue what we wanted to achieved but it also the reason behind our anxiety and frustrations. Kung ano anpo ang pinagdadaanan mo sana malammpasan mo

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1 year ago

Tama ka, she is looking at me. Binabantayan niya ako. Gezz, nagiging detective na siya. 🥺

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1 year ago

Yang kaya pa syndrome nalang din tumutulak sa akin para magpatuloy at abutin ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay at pangarap ko para sa pamilya ko .. Sometimes hindi na rin napupuna ng kaya kopa yung mga butas na kalaki na ..pero still I remind myself not to give up.

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1 year ago

Ameen bro, oo to din nasa isip ko honestly. Na kaya ko pa, at kakayanin ko pa kahit anong mangyari. 🥺

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1 year ago

Kaya pa nga ba? One thing I learned as I grow up is that my parents are always there for me, ayaw ko lang magreach out because I thought kaya ko mag isa. I was used to struggle on my own and solve them on my own too kaya akala ko bawal mag reach out and the fact that I'm not into sweet and dramarama things with my family, di talaga ako nagsasabi ng problema haha pero ayun nga, natutunan ko yun last year lang. Natouch ako sa parents ko dahil din dun mas lalo ko sila trinesure.

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1 year ago

You been blessed kapatid. Siguro I will share but not now, I shall stand with my own muna bag ko sila lapitan. Thank you.

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1 year ago

I can relate to you. There are moments na nahuhuli ko Mama ko na nakatitig sa akin whenever na exhausted na ako. Siguro naghihintay lang sya na magsabi ako, pero kaya pa naman. Masakit din sa kanila na pakiramdam nila hindi na natin sila kailangan kasi hindi na tayo nagsasabi sa kanila. :( Pero I hope maintindihan ni Mama na I have my own battles too, na ako lang din ang makaka-resolve.

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1 year ago

Exactly, di din naman pweding kasali sila sa lahat. Also I shall think matured na din, di palagi at forever nandiyan sila. I must moved within my own feet.

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1 year ago

And that's a power indeed of a mother, alam niya kung kailan tayo masaya, kung kailan tayo malungkot, because she's a mother. Minsan hindi man natin ene express through words yung nararamdaman naton, but she can see it in our eyes. So whatevet it is, or whatever that thing that burdens you, it will be okay, and you will be okay. Just pray hard.

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1 year ago

Thank you Teacher. Yeah the real wonder woman surely. 😍

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1 year ago

Dala tayo ng nanay natin for nine months more or less kaya alam nila ang nararamdaman natin.

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1 year ago

Exactly. Alam na alam nila weakness and strength eka nga

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1 year ago

Akala ko Naman ano ng naamoy hehe pero totoo to. Nararamdaman nila Kasi kapag may kakaiba.

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User's avatar Yen
1 year ago

Tama ka, ikaw din mother kana. For sure mararandaman mo ding may kakaiba.

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1 year ago

Yep haha. I know the feeling.

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User's avatar Yen
1 year ago

Mother have cordial relations with their kids. It's natural that we don't need to everything to Mothers in words. Some people really hide their pain behind the smile.

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1 year ago

Mother's knows best. Mother's know everything. We came from their womb so the connection is different, it is kinda magical. My mother is like that to me too. She will look at me and ask me what happened, but I deny sometimes not because I don't want her to be part of it, but I know she will only worry, added to the pressure she is feeling everyday.

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1 year ago

Yeah, that's what we call mothers instinct, kahit ako bilang mother, nararamdaman ko pag ang anak ko ay hindi maganda ang pakiramdam, or pag may dinadalang problema. Malakas Maki ramdam ang mga nanay, at saka kahit di mo sinasabi, nakikita kasi sa Mata Yan. Kung anuman Yan, hope youll be fine.

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1 year ago