Mistakes I learned and why I love myself since 1999?

In this life, I learned a lot of things in academics and experiences. I do see the worst and look how it was to become the best. I am the best within me no matter what other people tell me at the back. My best character? I am versatile and could adapt to any situation. My mistake? Being who I am. And I believe that time is the most important thing in the relationship. I already answered the question, but read carefully the story behind it.

I was born in 1999, I had only one picture of being a baby. My mother really kept it safe for she said that was the only piece of my remembrance of being young. We lived in a very poor family. Well not before, just that when I was born.

I grew up not really interested in my father, I don’t feel that I had when I was young. He doesn't give me physical stress but something that I felt he wasn’t happy for who I am. That’s my mistake. Being who I am was a huge mistake in my life. If I could turn back time I want to be someone else.

Maybe because his fortune stopped when I was born. Maybe something happened before that disregard me, looked at me with his fierce eyes. Honestly, I never had a picture where we are just two together, we never had that photo.

What he gives, resulted in my attitude where I think I don’t need people around me. I hate the world, I hate them all. I began to just accept the faith that I had. Someday I am just alone, I don't need other people.

Being who I have resulted to people who didn’t like me, well I am biased, terror and even badass when it comes to people. Because I knew that was me.

And that was my mistake. Being who I am.

If I could turn back time, maybe I will change, because now I realize what within my past was wrong,  what I did to other people was not right, but the more I refused to talk with people the more they proved that what I think who I am wasn’t that me.

I remember when I was young, someone told me that I am not that person. Because the hate inside me was messed up, all the things were so crumpled and even myself doesn’t know who he was.

Valued friends showed me the thing that I need, I learned that not all people hate you, because that was what I knew when I was young. I thought everyone hated me. My father and my sisters, just my mother who was by my side. I thought that no one likes me for being too hard-headed, stubborn and bullied.

I am the kontrabida, not the main actor. Things had changed when I began to step up to Grade 5, things were smooth and I saw that mistake I made.

When it comes to relationships, I also do some mistakes. Time for the record. This is also the thing that worries me so I don't want to have someone at the moment. Because I don’t have time to be with them, I am not the guy who could talk on the phone every night before going to sleep, I am the guy we're gonna text you every time. I am the kind of guy who just called once a week.

My last relationship ended because time does not suit us two. I am always irritated when she calls every night. I asked why and she said ‘nothing’ that is like a buzzer in my head. Don’t judge me I also tried to do that night duty call but what topic I should say? It becomes redundant. Also, it's too jologs to talk to your boyfriend and girlfriend every night.

Then she understands. I thought that it was okay for her that I could just call her once a week because I am having a review. I thought that it was fine with her because I always text her every day but not every time. We could hang out, call each other for an hour every weekend, and she was fine with that. Until I felt like the spark began to fade for no reason.

She began to be jealous, thinking too much. That being online on messenger is chatting with another girl, which becomes a toxic one. Every night there is an argument, everything is a sorry but next morning the same issue again.

Next to that, I was hired as a supervisor, supervising is a hard job. You think that we were just standing by looking at the works but no, it's not like that. Everything is under your shoulder and really kills a lot of my time, and when I am off I don’t have any energy to call her, in short, I don’t really have time within what is with us.

It's too negative from the past, mistakes and treatment. But that was the story I got. I think people should also experience some kind of despair in life. That’s also why I accepted and proclaimed that I am a versatile man.

I easily understood what was happening on this day, I could extend my thought, I realized what happened.

Now I am living different from my past, others wanted to forget it. But for me, it remains fresh until the last day. I am now happy about what happened in both my childhood and my relationship. With my father, he changed yet I am not that ready yet.

That’s all. This is my entry for the birthday celebration of @carisdaneym2. Thanks to the writers who wrote the same entry with their deep life experience, you drag me to write one. And I also wanted to challenged @Zhyne06 if she had time. Thanks for reading…