Bruh I am not emotionally fine.

Physically fit and healthy wasn’t that enough, that’s why it's so dangerous sometimes if we just look at their physical and self and that’s defined, we were fine. That's what happened and surprised people that he or she looked fine and had no problems yet. It just comes in a moment when she or he ends things. You all know what I meant. Emotions are also important in people’s lives, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

When we say spirituality not only defined Godly things, in psychology, they also mentioned that they studied the body, soul, and mind. That explains the three things. So when you bring yourself to professionals they won't just focus on the emotions, also they look at and study your body, and what is inside your soul. Sometimes the soul defines the thoughts, what you like, and fine to do. They intercept the tree part and give prescriptions not only for the mind but also for the body and soul.

I admires one person here, who she shared her life and the emotions she had in the past days. The triggering and lingering thoughts, the undefined things in her heart, and the lightbulb image in her head. I really admire her for not shapely telling others that she wasn’t that emotionally fine, she had seen a breakthrough. I envy this kind of person who can freely express their thoughts. I am living in a real world where I just want to endure the pain within myself, not involve others in my own problem. I just wanted to be silent. Looking fine and smiling. But the real thing right now? Bruh I am not emotionally fine.

This actually happened to me a long time ago, but I never tell anyone. I also congratulate myself for being so much actor of pretending. There is a person who always asked how I am? Of Course, the reply will always be fine.

Why am I not fine? Thoughts and thoughts hunting me every night bruh, I don’t have that good time to rest like anybody here. So if you could rest fine and normal and raise the morning with good feelings, that’s the thing I missed these past days.

I also shared with you that this year was a year of unfortunate events, that’s from the beginning of the year I was subjected to huge heart burning problems, from losing my laptop to my phone, from my uncle to my grandfather. Yes, just that when we have done the funeral, my grandfather got an accident. And we were worried about what will happen to him because he was old now. I am one again who looked after him especially when he was in pain. It also added the emotion where I could see my grandfather flee and crying, and wishing that why he wasn’t just gone. That’s a huge cut in my eyes witnessed again what was just fresh from my uncle. Then again, one of our family members' clans died, he was just 8 years old.

Things happen to me and I was heartbroken everywhere. They don’t understand me, that’s because I do it myself secretly. I did things and help them without expecting a return. But I was disappointed with them, I was nothing compared to others.

When was the time when you saw yourself cry? For me, I don't want to look in the mirror. I don’t want to cry yet I could still feel the liquid coming out from it.

Sometimes pretending you're fine is always fine, well not everyone could agree but I did. Maybe because I am an adult and I don’t want to be another problem, I don’t want to be a source of undefining endeavor and laborious sputnik. I just want to endure things.

I also planning really to un-stall apps on my phone especially Facebook. I have ever been fond of sharing posts yet I saw myself why does the pain of the post and meme they shared seem like I knew that feeling? Why does it feels real what was the pain of the writer of the post, then added that I was so curious about the comments, and comes again the feeling of “wow I know that”.

Yeah, there will be a day where you guys can't contact me on the Telegram for I must rest within that app.

I want to say that I am not fine, but I think that’s not a good thing to do. Don’t judge me, because I was really fine but not emotionally right now bruh. Even though I am not stable, I could still do normal things as I did, but I just wanted to be alone.

Thanks for reading…