Turning 22 in 2 Months!

And just like that, I'm turning 22 years old in just 2 months!

Where did the months even go? How did the days and weeks go so fast? What did I do all these years? Did I just waste so much time doing nothing?

They say time flies when you are having fun. But did I even have so much fun after I celebrated my 21st birthday? I think I did have fun but I can count in my fingers about how many times did I went out of my den, and hang out with my friends.

Birthdays are special to me. Each year, I would look forward to better days and months that I will spend here on Earth. I would set goals that I aim to achieve.

However, every time another year is added to my age, it's like another baggage is also added to the weight I am carrying on my shoulders. Expectations would arise from left and right, not just from my parents and other people, but mostly from myself. Doubt about my capabilities would also surround me and fear of the future and the unknown will haunt me down if I will ever get to achieve my goals in life.

I remember when I just entered the teenage life, at 13 years old, back in my Grade 7 days, I was so eager and excited to finally turn 18 years old because that's the legal age. I thought that when I finally reach that age, I would then be free to do whatever I want because, by that time, I will be in college already. I will have the freedom to drink some alcoholic beverages (but I only got to drink one this July of 2021), and have an official boyfriend that I will introduce to my parents. (Oh, those ignorant thoughts when I was younger that until now, I haven't found any worthy man. Char!)

I thought that just like what I have watched in movies, when I turn 18, I could live independently already, look for a part-time job while studying in college, and just rely on myself. After that, I thought once I had already turned in my 20s, I will then become an established person who is slowly fulfilling her dreams and goals in life. When I was 14, I thought I will have a better life in my 20s.

And just by thinking that I'm already in my early 20s while reminiscing those years where I dreamed to be in my legal age and 20s already, I can't help but ask and assess myself of what did I do all these years. Then I would also remember that I spent my entire life studying from Elementary up to College. And that I was also busy doing the hustle and grind to actually achieve some of my goals.

Surely, in my 21 years of existence, I have experienced a lot of trials, challenges, and difficulties already that tore my heart apart, broke me down, and made my soul crushed, but also made me into a better, stronger, and wiser person.

However, there will always be a childish side of me that I think will never mature, and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want to get old and grumpy as the time and years pass by. Hahaha!

Others would say that being in your 20s is still young so it's okay to commit mistakes, and I agree with it. However, sometimes, I feel that it's already old enough to not afford committing mistakes.

As someone who has been following a certain schedule and has a lot of expectations that I need to achieve at a certain age, I can't help but blame myself for the heavy load of expectations and disappointments that I'm carrying. Perhaps, it's because this is just how I molded myself and who I really am.

"What is life to offer me when I grow old?"

This is a lyric from the song that my papa always sings and it always hits me every time I hear it.

I'm turning 22 in 2 months, and in these 2 months, I am not sure if I will get to achieve some of the goals I have set for myself this year. And as another year will be added to my age, I can't avoid the pressure that comes from within.

Life is neither a race nor a competition. It doesn't matter if at what age will you be able to fulfill the goals and dreams you have. What matters is you keep going and never back down. Be deaf and don't listen to the people, and even to that inner voice who keeps giving pressure on you. Just take your time.