Some of the active users here who have been reading some of my articles have probably noticed that I often write about some of my accomplishments in life, whether it's about Academics or in the crypto world.
Some have probably also assumed that by publishing these kinds of articles, I am someone who thinks highly of herself and someone who loves to brag about her achievements.
Well, I couldn't blame you because that's how I try to appear and build my image in the crypto or virtual world. I'm trying to be someone who every time she sets a goal, she makes sure to achieve it. Someone who makes a plan so that everything will go in her favor. Someone who will post and share almost every bit of her plans and victories.
And in every goal that I set, every time I accomplish it, other people who get to know and read about it will give me compliments and praise me for doing a job well done. Others would even fake their words and say congratulations even if they don't feel like it or don't mean every word they say because they think that it's exactly what I am looking for whenever I share them online. They think that through their empty words, they are feeding my ego.
To be honest, I really like receiving compliments, especially when I feel that it's genuine ones and when I feel like I deserve them because I exerted so much effort to achieve whatever I accomplished. I feel like, through their compliments, all of my efforts were validated. But sometimes, I don't appreciate them at all and even think that even if it's genuine, the words spoken were just fake and empty.
I may look like I'm being proud of myself, but I'm actually drowning in the thought that I'm never good enough.
If in the virtual world, others assume and see me as someone who thinks highly of her abilities, in the real world, I'm actually just someone who thinks that I am not good enough. I am someone who lacks self-confidence because of my so many insecurities.
In school, I would only recite in class when my name was called by the teacher and I wouldn't dare to raise my hand to answer the question, even if I'm sure about it, because I feel like I would only end up being a laughingstock if I got it wrong. I also used to have stage fright, where my knees would tremble and my voice would flutter every time I deliver a presentation.
My High School teacher used to tell me that I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, and I felt like it was an insult and not a compliment. I may be good at a lot of things, but I never excelled in them.
I may be good at writing, but never be good enough to have the courage to join writing competitions and win a place in them.
I may be good with numbers, but I was never good enough to win a place in the division's contests that I joined back in High School.
I may think that I'm intelligent, but I was never intelligent enough to at least try to pursue my dream college course or excel in my chosen degree program.
I may have a lot of goals and dreams, but sometimes, I think that I am not good enough to be able to achieve all of them because I am becoming incompetent as days pass by who would only settle for mediocrity and not excellence.
Sometimes, I would compare myself to others and end up thinking that I'm such a loser for not having achievements in life, for lacking the skills needed, for not being creative enough, beautiful enough, and talented enough.
Maybe, the reason why I often write about my achievements is that I'm looking for validation that I am good enough and I can do and be more than I think I am. Maybe, it's my way of looking for others to believe in my abilities, because I don't even believe in mine. Maybe, that's how I get to boost my confidence that is already lacking.
Receiving compliments and being praised have a huge impact on one's thinking. Sometimes, it makes them feel valued and validated. For others who are already secure of their abilities and themselves, compliments are just mere words, but for those with an inferiority complex, appreciations mean a lot.
The important thing is not in what others think or say, is to praise ourselves and congratulate ourselves for the work well done, if you notice that you are growing and improving then you are on the right path, how to know if you are good if you do not test yourself, if you do not participate in the writing contest you will never know if you can win it, how about giving us a surprise by taking the first place. I have followed you and you write very well, this is from someone who writes excellent (it is also my turn to praise myself). I like your work.