I hurt a really good person, what do I do now?

"Just like riding a bicycle, you've to keep pedalling in life to keep on moving. It's okay to slow down but once you stop, you fall."

Many of us have one story or another of how our selfish or personal interests have led us to hurt someone who has nothing but good intention for us. We may be naive or immature at that time but as we learn lessons, we realise that we've not been fair with our dealings. We might have even thought that the other person was the one who's at fault. You see, our egotistic self has a way of playing victim, blinding us to the truth of ourselves as well as the truth of situations we find ourselves in. The main purpose of every life on earth, whether you agree with me or not, is to seek the truth about ourselves and the world around us. It is rather ironic how most of us are allergic to the truth. We hate it, we disagree with it even when it stares at us with its all seeing eyes.

Recount an instance where you hurt someone really badly in the process of either "defending yourself" or "trying to drive home a point" or any other instance where you thought you were the one who's wronged, not the other way round. If you have any conscience at all, you must have felt really bad when you realised the truth and then you might want to apologise. You went and apologise and the other party forgives you. You're happy.

What do I do when this person doesn't forgive?

If this is the case, realise that you're vulnerable to the person at the moment and whatever choice they decide to make isn't their fault. You were the one who hurt them first it doesn't matter if it's knowingly or not. If the person still continues to be your friend but doesn't forgive you for that single thing you did, by all means, make them happy in any way you can. Constantly show how sorry you're for what you did with more of actions than words because when you continuously ask them to forgive you, you're bringing up those past hurts, reliving them in their head, making them feel that sorrow afresh, so apologise with your actions.

If Unfortunately the person cut ties with you for what you've done, you are likely to feel shame, sorrow, and you might even think you're a bad person. Try getting those people you've offended to listen to you once again. Go to their house apologise over and over again. Throw away your pride or "self-worth". They are not as important in this case. Hmm... If only people knew the cost of hurting a fellow soul.

If however it still doesn't work, take this as punishment for what you've done. I am not saying you deserve to suffer because you made a person suffer, I am saying that you've no other choice as you have no power in this. You can't force them to forgive you. You're completely at their mercy here. That's something you will have to live with to avoid hurting another person but still, you don't have to live with it....forever. That can cause you greater harm than that which you've cause the person. Learn to move on and learn from your mistakes that's if you were genuinely sorry. Remember:

"Just like riding a bicycle, you've to keep pedalling in life to keep on moving. It's okay to slow down but once you stop, you fall."

.... And nothing is worth falling for in this life....

We are all humans and we make mistakes, I believe a lot of us here have hurt at least a person regardless of whether it was intentional or otherwise. Sometimes, we can hurt people to a degree that even the thought of apologising comes with shame, let alone summoning the courage to do so because of the gravity of the hurt we caused them. We can even have an unwavering certainty that the other party will not forgive us if we were to tell them. Here, I am talking about an istance when we did something that had caused a person deep sorrow but the person doesn't know that we were behind it and say, we did it unintentionally or with a certainty that it was the right thing to do. After realising your mistake, do you still tell them?

Well for me it depends. If not telling them the truth would salvage your relationship with them, by all means do not tell them but please, do not repeat that same mistake. They might find out of course, when they do, tell them the exact reason why you didn't tell them in the first place :to protect your relationship with them. I believe if you do good things to them after you realise your mistake without them knowing, they are sure to forgive you... if they truly love you. Besides, telling them that you played a part in their sorrow before they heal can drive them to make emotional decisions which could hurt both of you more. On the other hand, there's little risk of them cutting ties with you, tell them by all means okay?

What prompted me to write this is that I have done someone really really bad. I feel deep regret and shame when I realised that it was all my fault in the first place and this, is what kept going inside my head before summoning some courage to apologise. Fortunately my sins were forgiven. Thank God!!!

Thanks for reading.

Yours Layly,

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