Spirit warfare: My battle cry

Life is like a battlefield, a prepared soldier will most likely to win and last long.

As you all know, these past few days, I wasn't feeling well. My body kept losing weight and I don't know what's wrong. I just wanted to write this article for myself and to those who are in pain like me. Perhaps, you don't understand what kind of condition you are now. I will not force you to read this because I know you have a lot of articles to read in your notifications. But I will appreciate if you will give your time to spare reading this. This is very personal to me.

The problem

Have you ever feel sometimes you felt like you want cry out of the blue? Like you just literally wanted to cry because it will make you feels good? This overwhelming feelings and emotions that keeps stirring in your heart. You cannot contain it due to that you wanted to burst in tears. Those tears are not made because you pity yourself, but it is made to wash away your crying soul.

If you want to cry, then cry.

If you want to laugh, then laugh.

If you want to smile, then smile.

If you want to shout, then shout.

Nobody knew and understand everything about yourself except you. Nobody will dictate what you should do except your own judgement. How should I address you? Friend? Stranger? Pal? Buddy? Alright, it settles then. I will call you mate. Mate, how are you feeling right now? Can you be honest just this time? What's going on?

The root cause of my unstable emotions and resentments are not found yet. I'm still analyzing and assessing my whole being to categorize where is this coming from? But I had few suspicions. Let me elaborate it futhermore.

1. My longing to Christ. I want to be honest with you pal. My relationship with Him is not as good as what we had before. I'm not committed serving him. My prayers are failing and week. My devotions stop. My duration of bible reading minimize and top of it all, I'm doubting my faith.

2. I cannot pursue what I loved to do. The reason why I'm resenting to everything is because I felt like I'm in a cage where I, myself cannot do anything but to breath, eat, and sleep. You know, the sense of adventure and challenge I don't feel it anymore. I have money to travel places, but why I'm feeling like this? Stupid me! I just don't understand my nature and it irritates me most.

3. Fear of being left behind. Since we started online classes, we cannot deny the fact the students academic performance weakens and becomes poor. As a college student, college years are the most pivotal part of our learnings since after this is work. To be honest, I don't know if I will be qualified anymore in my own field. In the scale of 100%, my understanding of my field is just less than equal to 15%. That's a fact! I do not know if other students feel the same way, but I agree to what an economist said before. Our country's economic performance in the near 10-30 years will be poor because colleges will produce not globally competitive and skilled individuals. All because of this Covid-19 virus.

The battle song

In this time of my personal crisis where I don't know what should do. I always go back to where I found him. I always go back to what my leader taught me to. I always go back to the words of Christ. You may not know worship song, but I will tell some of my battle song. Again, this is very personal.

This song is titled Desert song by Hillsong Worship. What I loved Desert Song is about a person who is experiencing a hardship in life. However it doesn't stop that person to give praise to the Heaven Above. You can play the song and you might like it too. What's my favourite part of the song that makes me kneel?

"I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here"

See the Desert Song lyrics. Just click here.

This is again another song which I used to sing O come to the Altar by Elevation Worship. This song literally just makes me feel like to kneel down in front of Jesus and just surrender my everything. He is my everything. Listen to this song as well. Playing it doesn't cost you anything. The most heartfelt part of the lyrics of this song is this.

O come to the altar

The Father's arms are open wide

Forgiveness was bought with

The precious blood of Jesus Christ

See the O come to the Altar lyrics. Just click here.

The recovery

The entirety of my whole being is recovering from its suffering and resentment in life. I am extremely encouraging myself to fight and become courageous as what He said. As I was writing this, I felt sad but at the same time happy because I am able to share this to anyone. I know not everyone here is spiritual thingy or anything. But give it a shot.

My battle cry is not solely on my own. This battle cry is what everyone experienced. I may experience this now, but you might later. I just wanted to say few things before I ended this writing.

1. You are loved.

2. You are empowered.

3. You are courageous.

4. You are brave.

5. You are the best creation God had ever made.

Thank you for reading!