How do you

I was in a conversation this morning with someone so dear to me and I ask how many years is her relationship and she said 6years. In my mind I was like how did you manage to date someone for 6years. Is it that she's perfect or the guy in question is so good . I imagine myself in even a year relationship but can't find myself.

I noticed something about myself that have never loved someone wholeheartedly before, I think my past relationships are out of pity, or maybe my best isn't enough. I hate pretending 😒 because it hurt me, and when I tried to show who I am the relationship will crashed when the opposite sex can't cope with my person. I know for sure I'm not bad in character, but I will never tolerate superiority over me when you're not my parents.

Whenever I see two lovers, I feel sad for myself and feel happy for them. When I was in school, my remember some of my colleague that dated for the whole of 3years we used and never end the relationship. Here I am find it hard to keep a relationship for even 5months. Do I need a counsellor or what. I don't believe in love just for once.

When I tried to even pretend and let a man take absolute control of me, I use to be a Tomboy and because he said he want the woman in me so I had to change everything for him. He said he don't want me to work, have friends ,and if I wan to go out it must only be his place, I can't party eventhough I do not enjoy partying but once in a while, he drinks but I must not drink. I accept everything he want in the relationship eventhough it not easy for me but I keep going. What later happened, he used my loyalty against me, he talk to me anyhow, he fight me for little things. Was I wrong to surrender my power and be loyal.

And yes this is to every guy, do not pressure any lady to be yours no matter the love you have for them. There is no amount of love you can show, If she refuse to see it because she didn't love you enough, the relationship will end in heartbreak. I told one of my friend whom we've known eachother for years but because I had a guy before we met he couldn't talk. Later after 4years we met again and he told me how much he as loved me but he couldn't talk because of my relationship then. I told him I'm not interested because I don't love him. I told him I am emotionally broken and can't go into any relationship so i won't end up hurting him. Master your emotions and never to be influenced by anger. I told him I'm infectious and he should avoid me because I'm unhappy and unlucky.

I will tell you these, emotional states are just so infectious as diseases and you can die from someone else's misery, sometimes you can feel like you're helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. I told him not to associate with me and go for a better woman, a happy and fortunate instead. He said he wi cope, if I tell you 3months in the relationship he's already tired, complaing he didn't like the me I am showing. He want me to be going out with him all the time but I hate noise but he's a music person. I will say he's already regretting forcing me in the relationship.

Anyways, please I need advice on how to love 50/50 and not one more than the other.