Journal: Owe My Self An Apology

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3 years ago

October 9, 2021

💚 Dear Diary 🌿,

Today, my mind is pretty occupied and I can only write a Journal for my thoughts and stuff that's been bugging me lately. I owe myself an apology. I've been really hard on myself lately, pushing myself to the edge. Recently, I've started sharing things on my feed that might help others, treat their mental health, and spread positive vibes. I know what it's like to be completely depleted of motivation. I've been preoccupied with school, and I don't have much time to devote to a platform that I like anymore. But I suppose it's OK because I value my future.

These are the positive things I share in order to aid those who are dealing with mental health issues, as I am. I can't help but wonder whether someone out there would try to save me too, but I don't expect anyone to. I'm simply pleased I can help them deal with it by sharing encouraging words.

To be honest, it bothers me because I thought I was just making up pathetic excuses to avoid doing stuff but the fact was that I was just weary of everything. Basically, there's nothing in my system. I felt like I did it because I had to and it needed to be done even though I wasn't learning and enjoying things like I used to. This emotion sucks, but I had to cope with it again and over again, and I found myself getting out of my own, saving myself from the depths.

Even if I couldn't apply the things I conveyed to everyone, sharing my views to encourage others helps me feel better. Despite the tornadoes and storms, I was able to stand on my own. I keep reminding myself that I am important to someone and that I am beloved by someone.

I Owe Myself an Apology 🌿💚

I owe myself an apology for continuing to claim everything is great while the boat fills with water and slowly sinks. I owe myself an apology for believing those who told me I couldn't accomplish things when I knew I could. I owe myself an apology for not resting when I needed to. For failing to sleep on time, failing to have a nutritious meal, and failing to eat on time. I owe myself an apology for pushing myself to my limits and then becoming totally exhausted as a result. I owe myself an apology for constantly being negative on myself because I believed I wasn't worth it. I've been feeling overly emotional ever since; I've been battling with depression for a long time and haven't fully healed; I'm simply accustomed to it. I ruined the finest thing that ever happened to me because I was selfish and thought I didn't deserve it. I'm worried I'll never genuinely connect with anyone, and that everyone around me is simply acting. It's difficult for me to express affection since I don't trust anyone.

I owe myself an apology; I pretend not to care, yet I have a smooth heart that cries when watching a movie. I owe myself an apology for not having enough faith in myself.

Date: October 9, 2021
Author: Corpsekkuno
Title: Apology for Myself
Article No.: 63

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Author’s Note

Hello, this is Corpsekkuno! How are you all doing, my dear readers? I hope everything is good with you. Remember that you do matter, even if you don't think you do. What your brain tells you isn't always true, and you're overthinking things. Always take care of yourself and know that I love you.♥️

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this; I appreciate your effort and I hope you enjoy. 

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3 years ago

Comments

Sometimes we have to do what we are uncomfortable with just to get what we really desire. I know "yourself" will understand you.

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3 years ago

I think I should owe myself an apology too for not minding it. Even if I know the right thing to do, I still push myself to the edge. Im also good at giving motivational words to others but to myself. .depression is still on and off and not totally healed. I guess we are in the same shoes here. .but I have to shrug off the negativity to continue the path I have chosen.

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3 years ago

I'm so glad that you shrug off the negativity ate Jane ❤️ I'm still working on my issues and I will definitely learn to be easy on myself. Thank you, I've learn something ❤️❤️

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3 years ago

Hang in there, sis. And be easy on yourself.

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3 years ago

Thank you, I'm still working on that and I will definitely learn to not be hard on my self. ❤️

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3 years ago

Ganyan naman tayo ee, yong ang galing nating mag advice sa iba pero sa sarili hirap gawin. But yeah, knowing that someone feels motivated because if what we advice to them can also bring a good feelings to us. Ganon nalang siguro muna ang gagawin hanggang sa tuluyan ng maka recover and utak na gulong gulong sa mga isipin na pabalik balik nalang sa isip. But anyways, you're saying sorry to yourself pero sana naman don't be too hard on yourself na din. Don't just say sorry, pleased do something about it too.

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3 years ago

But anyways, you're saying sorry to yourself pero sana naman don't be too hard on yourself na din. Don't just say sorry, pleased do something about it too.

I will try my best ate ❤️ I'm working on it kasi I don't want to feel drain and down anymore . Thanks by the way ate Ruffa ❤️

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3 years ago

Yes! Kaya mo yan. Fighting! 🤗🤗

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3 years ago

These things happen to everyone. I hope you fully recover from your depression. A lot of best things are still going to happen to you. Don’t worry. 🎈

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3 years ago

Thank you, I'm feeling better everyday especially knowing that there are people that always been there for me ❤️

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3 years ago

We are only humans and that's okay. Xoxoxoxo.

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3 years ago

Thanks ate ❤️ I totally agree! Humans aren't perfect and it's perfectly fine to feel that way ❤️

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3 years ago

I also feel you mare. Gusto ko din magsorry sa sarili ko dahil inaabuso ko na. Yung ang galing galing kong mag advise sa iba pero heto ako diko masabihan yung sarili ko at diko magawa sa sarili ko yung mga bagay na sinabi ko sa iba. 🥲

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3 years ago

Ba't kaya ganun? ang galing nating mag advise sa iba pero di natin ma apply sa sarili natin yun.

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3 years ago