I really wanted to work!

Thinking about it honestly making me stressed ,I am frustrated to work ,I really wanted to work for many reasons.

This year is I can say a not gopd year for most of us ,well we are blessed and grateful that we still alive and kicking till noe but a lot of triumps ,problems that came within this year.The 2022 wa snot yet end and we does'nt know what will happen later on ,tomorrow or the other day .We can't predict everything all we had to do is to keep praying and be ready for what will be going to happen.

We are facing financial crisis this year ,we need to pay the monthly payment of the money we lend.We need to spend for our daily food ,another expenses ,kids needs like milk ,vitamins and etc.

I even forgot my wants and more focus on our needs especially for the kids needs.

I really wanted to work as I want to help my husband ,it is'nt easy seeing my husband the only one who works for us.Though I consider the blogging as my job but to earn a little amount was not enough to spend our daily needs but still I am grateful to earn a little amount coz it may not enough but it really save us during our crisis.

Last day ,my youngest son was staying at my in-laws store and mama (in-law) told me that I could now work as my son wanted to stay with her.

I was asking if it is really okay for her tha I left my son to her and we are laughing ,I know mama is already old ,unlike the old days that shes the one who took good care of her grandchildren until they grew coz her daughter was working abroad.

I told mama that I will start looking some job and she's laughing and told me that maybe when my baby will turn 5 year old ,and that time it is okay for her to nursing my kids.

I and my husband was talking about it ,his boss before was looking for a cashier of her meatshop and the last time his boss told him if I can work for them but my husbanf refused his offer coz I need to take care of our son.

But now ,I really wanted to work and help him ,and another reason is I wanted to have my own money so that if someone needed my help ,I can have something ti give even in a small amount.

Just like what happened now that my nephew was confined but I can't do anything ,I have nothing to help.Honestly I felt guilty coz when someone needed some help ,I gave a little help but when my nephew needed my help ,I am so useless which I can't give anything .

Its is really hard when someone asking my help but I have nothing to do ,it makes me feel guilty ,if only I had a job ,I had my own money I can help anytime I wanted to help.

I can't deny my self that I missed being the old me where I am not taking a huge responsibility but its my choice ,I am the obe who made this desicion ,no one told me to do this , I am the one who put my self on this situation so I need to face al the consequences that probably happened.Its not about repentance but just missing the old freely me.

So now,since I don't have any job ,I need to work hard by grinding here and there and super grateful that I found thi platform where I can express all my rants and thesame time I earn.And ofcourse I learned something from others and find so many friends here

For now ,I was thinking to enjoy the moment while my kids are still young and needed me always in their side,enough for thinking those frustration but to accept and embrace the things that already here.

I know God will never let us to suffer,I know theres always be a chances and another way for us to have a better days of our lives .

And that would be all for today ,thanks for reading and have a great day!